Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher
by ericastwilight
Summary: Edward is dared to do something stupid by his cousin Emmett. "Yeah, but do you think we should've told him that she's the police chief's daughter?" One stolen purse leads to so much more. E/B OOC-AH
1. The Dare

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter One – The Dare**

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**Betaed by lisa89, thanks love**

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**Jasper**

Emmett and I watched from the cafe window as Edward pulled on a pair of sunglasses and pulled the hood of his jacket up.

"Dude, do you think he's going to go through with it?" Emmett asked, watching the scene play out before us. "Steal her purse, I mean."

"Well, it's not like you gave him much of choice," I said as I watched Edward cross the street. He approached a young woman with long, dark hair window-shopping further down the street.

"Yeah, but do you think we should've told him that she's the police chief's daughter?" he asked.

I laughed; of course we could've _told_ him, but where was the fun in that?

Edward Cullen had just moved from Chicago with his parents Edward Senior and Elizabeth Cullen. He was related, unfortunately, to Emmett who was his cousin. Though Edward had managed to get his own apartment to attend school at SU, Emmett bagged on him relentlessly.

Edward was young, impressionable, and somewhat of a book nerd. He had to do anything he could to gain his overzealous cousin's respect. It was all in good fun, and no one got hurt. Besides, the kid could hold his own against Emmett and me.

In fact, last month he somehow welded our car doors shut – payback for when Emmett and I replaced all his clothes with items in pink or yellow while visiting him in Chicago.

Sure, Edward could've gone out and bought a whole new wardrobe. However, when he went to Neiman Marcus in a pink muscle shirt and pink board shorts, all he had in his wallet was Monopoly money and fake credit cards.

He had been mortified, and we had it on film. In a way, we deserved it for dressing him in pink (it clashed with hair), but we'd ate almost two thousand dollars to fix our cars – each.

So we'd given him a choice: cough up the money, since we did return his clothes, or take a dare, no matter how stupid. We had given him two choices for a dare, and he had chosen to snatch a purse.

The other had been gross.

Now Emmett and I watched from Café Roadhouse as Edward made his way toward Bella Swan. She was a newbie to the area, too.

Alice, Emmett's sister and my girlfriend, was so going to kick my ass for this, because Bella was her friend. She believed that her cousin and Bella were meant to be together.

What better way to introduce them? Man, dinner tonight at Edward's was going to be epic. We were all supposed to go over and Alice was bringing Bella.

This was going to be good.

Edward had had us choose his unsuspecting victim, and we'd had agreed to meet up at his place in an hour. We wanted to watch the fun before we took off.

Edward stood on the sidewalk clenching his fists, seemingly psyching himself up. He walked over to a column beside Pat's Barber Shop, just down the street from Bella. He was trying to blend in or something, because he kept looking around, before ducking behind some building. He looked fucking ridiculous and seriously drawing attention to himself.

I wondered if he was humming his own theme song as he dashed behind a FedEx mailbox.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Emmett asked, taking out his wallet.

I laughed and said, "Oh, she's going to scream and kick him in the balls."

Emmett laughed and nodded. "I think she'll scream and kick him in the ass," he said, taking out two hundred dollars and handing them to me. "Two hundred says he takes it in the ass."

"Two hundred says he takes in the sack."

We watched with rapt attention as he approached Bella and swept his hand to grab her purse. She held on to the purse as she swung away, hitting Edward in the back, kneeing him in the balls _and_ kicking him in the ass.

Edward, the ever-persistent fucknut, grabbed for her purse again and took off running down the street. Bella ran right behind him, screaming obscenities and throwing each of her shoes at him.

Emmett and I ran outside to see where they were headed, when suddenly Bella grabbed someone's umbrella and started beating Edward over the head with it.

Damn, she was fast.

We lost sight of the both of them about two blocks over as they ran into an alley.

I looked over at Emmett and said, "Draw."

He nodded. "Draw."


	2. The Purse

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Two – The Purse**

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**Betaed by lisa89**

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**Edward**

I couldn't believe I was doing this. What the fuck had possessed me to listen to those two assholes?

What should've have been a harmless prank turned ugly when they got the bills to fix the paint and door damage to their cars.

Jasper's head had looked like it was going to explode as I'd watched him try to get into his Dodge Ram.

My buddy Jacob, metal sculpture extraordinaire, had sat and watched with me, his arc welder cooling in the trunk.

Now, when Emmett had realized he couldn't get into his Jeep, he had just broken his window and shoved himself into the driver seat. He had driven away like it was any other day.

Their form of revenge was always best served cold. I had been looking over my shoulder for weeks, waiting.

And then they gave me a choice – pay up, or else.

Don't get me wrong, my father Edward Senior would've given me the money, but it was the principle of the thing. He would have given me the lecture that started with the familiar "You dug yourself into a hole…" blah, blah, blah. He was a good man, but lectures sucked. Since I was on a budget, there was no way I could afford to give the two pains in my ass the money.

Would it be worth the humiliation? Hmm, let's see, beg my father for the money and explain to him what I had done or take the dare. It was a no brainer – dare.

Unfortunately, the two choices for the dare were...

They were both so fucking wrong. What the hell? They'd known I would never take Emmett's suggestion. Just the thought of it made me shudder.

Ugh.

I pulled up my hood of my dark blue jacket. I tugged nervously on my cuffs before putting my sunglasses on.

_Here goes nothing._

I kept "my target" in my peripheral vision while I made my way across the street. I stood on the sidewalk and threw a cautious look over my shoulder as I watched the woman Emmett and Jasper had picked.

Damn, she was beautiful. She had long dark hair, an ass to die for clad in skinny jeans and fuck me boots.

Fuckers knew I'd always preferred brunettes.

Mystery woman turned slightly, giving me a glance at her face and rack. Fuck me, full pouty pink lips, C cups, and she was wearing a SU t-shirt. Great, now I was risking bumping into her at school. I clenched my fists at my sides, wondering if I should even go through with this.

Then I remembered what I would have to do if I didn't.

I was screwed.

I walked a little further away from the mystery woman with the lovely ass. I ducked behind a blue, red and white column, watching her as she stopped in front of the book store.

I moved quickly and hid behind another column; for some reason the song from Mission Impossible was in my head, and I couldn't help but hum along.

I looked behind me to see to make sure that no one was aware of what I was about to do. I looked for anyone of the typical "neighborhood watchman" type and didn't spot anyone. Good thing that I was new in town, because if my mother got wind of what I was about to do…

I shuddered and quickly ran behind a big purple mailbox. The mystery woman tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and suddenly started to bite her lip.

I wanted to bite that lip.

Damn, this was not the time to be fantasizing!

Two old bats gave me the stink-eye as they passed me. I sighed and took a few deep, cleansing breaths.

I could do this.

I had to do this.

This was for all those kids that had to put up with bullies.

This was for all those younger siblings that always got blamed for everything.

This was for all the dares that were left undone.

The theme song from Rocky started running through my head as I made a grab for this fuck ass big blue purse, when I realized my mistake.

She could see my reflection.

Mystery fuckhot woman tightened her hold on the gargantuan purse and then swung and hit me with it on my back with it.

"OW!" I cried out like a bitch. "What the hell do you have in that purse, lady?"

"A brick, you asshole!" she screamed. "Though I wish I had two more!" She whacked my back again, causing me to buckle slightly.

The mystery woman suddenly brought up her knee up, meeting my boys. Oh God, pain…tears…

"How stupid can you be, mugging the chief's daughter?" She muttered under her breath. Please tell me she was joking?

Then those fuck me boots I'd been admiring earlier met my ass. She wasn't done yet, I wanted to cry – wait – I was already doing that. I turned to run away from the crazy banshee before she harmed my goods further.

Fuck!

I screamed again, praying that the guys didn't hear it. I suddenly remembered what Emmett had said before I'd left on this stupid dare.

"_If you chicken out, Eddie, you automatically forfeit and have to do the other dare."_

Fuck no. I was not going to lose now. I made another grab for her purse and took off down the street. I suddenly felt something whizz by my ear, and I saw one of her boots rolling on the ground.

How the hell did she run and take off her boot at the same time?

I felt the other boot hit my back, and I arched in pain as I instinctively looked over my shoulder.

She was right on my ass! She grabbed an unopened umbrella from some man and started to swing at me.

Heh heh, it looked like I wasn't the only thief now.

"Give my purse back! Asshole! Stop him!"

She kept screaming at me and others in the street as I pressed harder to move faster. However, despite that the banshee was swinging at my poor head, she still maintained my pace.

I had to lose her.

_Dear sweet baby Jesus and all your cohorts, if you get me out of this, I promise to tell Emmett that it was me who put superglue on his favorite toilet in high school just before his "emergency" shit break._

I dove into an alley and sprinted further in, hoping that the mystery woman would not be crazy enough to follow a purse snatcher.

I heard her screaming right behind me just as I came to a brick wall.

"There's nowhere to go! Now give me my purse."

I turned to face her and thought about dashing past her when I noticed her clutching one of her feet.

Shit, now she was bleeding.

"Look, lady, I'm sorry. I had to take the dare," I said, trying to scramble for an explanation. She winced and glared at me with her hand extended. I reluctantly held out her purse for her to take. She grabbed it and rifled through it, pulling out a cell phone. "I'm sorry," I said in a panic. I was sure she was about to call the police. "If I hadn't done this I would have had to swallow Emmett's cum!"

"Whoa, who's?" she asked, looking at me curiously.

"My stupid cousin Emmett said I had to either steal a purse or drink a cup full of his cum."

And then she busted up laughing.

Okay. Mystery-ball-crunching-ass-kicking banshee was laughing at me. After a second, I realized that this was funny and joined her.

"I'm so going to get that meathead," she said. "Edward, wanna help?" Her smile turned to a smirk.

My eyes widened. How the hell did she know my name? "What?"

"I'm Bella, your blind date for the evening."

Fuck me.

They'd known.

They knew who she was the whole time.

"You've got to be fucking with me," I said, stepping closer to her. She held up a finger and dialed a number into her phone.

Fuck, she really was calling the police or worse, her dad. Nothing was worse than a pissed off daddy.

"Alice," Bella said, smiling at me. "Hey, can you tell me what Jasper is up to right now?" Bella put the phone on loudspeaker so that I could hear.

"He's at lunch with Em and my cousin," Alice answered. "Why, did you see Edward?"

"Oh, yes, I caught a glimpse of your cousin," Bella said. She held a finger to her lips.

"Oooo," Alice said excitedly. "Tell me, what do you think?"

"What do I think? Um, he has stamina," Bella said, giving me a wink. She leaned against a wall and slid to the ground before removing her sock and wincing again.

"Sorry," I whispered, closing the distance between us.

Bella rolled her eyes at me and held up her foot, cocking her eyebrow. She went through her purse and pulled out a bottle of mace, a red brick, some hand sanitizer and some tissues. She handed me the tissues and hand sanitizer and started to explain to Alice what had just happened.

"Now, are you in for giving me a hand later?" asked Bella asked into the phone, looking at me as I took her foot in my hand. She turned off the loudspeaker on her phone and continued with Alice.

She had French manicured toes, and my skin tingled over hers. I bit back a groan and tried to wish my hardened cock away.

She grimaced as I removed the glass embedded in her foot. I cleaned up the area, and she continued to explain to Alice what happened.

Those assholes were so going to get it.

"Okay, so you're in? You'll have to play along, Alice. Great, can you call Rose and let her know? Perfect. I'll see you later."

Bella hung up and muttered, "Thanks," putting her stuff back in her purse.

"You really did have a brick in your purse," I said stupidly. _Way to make an ass of yourself, Cullen._

"Yes, Edward, I do have a brick in my purse. Wanna see it up close?" she teased.

"No thanks, I think it's been quite well acquainted with my back."

Bella laughed, and not one of those girly giggly laughs. I'm talking a full on, stomach-clenching laugh.

I found that I liked it, especially when she snorted at the end.

Damn, she was adorable.

I put her sock back on and put her foot down carefully on the ground. I held out my hand to help her up, and she took it.

The moment our hands touched, every fiber in my body warmed deliciously. With Bella's smile matching my own, I knew that she felt it, too.

"So, do you have a plan?" I asked, while I held her steady.

She smirked and leaned in, whispering in my ear, "How do you feel about handcuffs?"


	3. Lojack

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Three – Lojack**

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**Betaed by lisa89**

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I gulped and cleared my throat. "Handcuffs?" I questioned.

Bella laughed again and smirked teasingly. "Relax. I'll tell you all about the plan, but first, I'm curious…"

"About what?" I asked, walking toward the alley exit.

"What did you do that would warrant such retaliation?" Her eyes danced with curiosity.

I sighed heavily and smirked before answering. "My buddy and I welded their car doors shut."

"You did that?" she exclaimed, hunched with laughter. "Emmett spent almost a month climbing in through his window. Oh sweet Jesus, he even said that he did it on purpose, something about 'Dukes of Hazard.'"

I laughed; that would be an Emmett-like explanation.

"Okay, let me give you the four-one-one on my plan," she said huskily. Though that maybe was just wishful thinking on my part. Every word from her sounded sensual to me and my now-permanent hard on. Yeah, letting her walk ahead of me, which gave me a perfect view of her ass, hadn't been such a great idea.

"Edward," she said firmly.

I shook my head from its present path toward fantasizing when she repeated my name. I mumbled an apology and gestured for her to continue.

"First, are they expecting you to have my purse as proof?"

I nodded, which caused her beautiful smile to widen. Holy shit, she was a walking advertisement for Crest Whitening Toothpaste. Her lips were full and pouty over her perfect white teeth. I wondered for a few moments if she liked to bite, and if she liked to be bitten in return. Spiraling toward the gutter, I took a few deep breaths, trying to actually listen to what she was saying.

"…and when you stick your cock in my mouth, Jasper will…"

"What?" I spluttered through a sudden coughing fit.

Damn what part of the plan had I missed?

And then she was laughing again.

"You weren't exactly listening, Edward," she teased. "I was trying to get your attention."

"Sorry, momentarily dazzled."

_Dazzled, Cullen? Really? Fuck, now she's probably wondering if I'm gay._

Bella cocked her head to the side, causing all her lovely hair to fall over her shoulder. "Does that happen often?" she asked.

"Um, it does now," I said dumbly.

She shrugged her shoulders and quickly turned away, blushing.

Wait, had I embarrassed her? Or had she liked my answer?

Fuck, I was totally useless with women.

"So do you still want to hear my idea?" She looked through her purse again, averting her eyes from mine.

"I do, but I have to ask. Why you did you insist on chasing me down the street?"

"I wanted my brick," she said with a teasing grin.

I laughed at her absurdity. "Okay, now I have to know why you're carrying a brick in your purse."

"Oh, I'm paving a walkway in my backyard," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Then please continue telling me the details of your elaborate plan."

She smiled and handed me her purse. "First, take this and show the guys that you succeeded."

I realized the second I'd taken the purse from her that I was going to look like a complete ass carrying that thing around.

"Okay, they both know that I don't carry my cell phone in my pocket, so you'll have to take that, too." She stepped closer to me and dropped her phone in her purse.

"Wait, why don't you carry your phone in your pocket?"

Bella blushed a deep red, and it was so damn cute that I wanted to lean in and kiss her rosy cheek. The part of my mind that seemed to be permanently in the gutter since I'd seen this brown-eyed beauty was wondering if her chest blushed as well.

_I know. I'm a perv._

The little devil on my right shoulder was currently telling me to pull down her t-shirt and check. The little angel on my left shoulder was chastising me.

Bella cleared her throat. "Edward, you're doing it again."

Embarrassment now colored my own cheeks. "Sorry, but again, why don't you carry your cell in your pocket?" I asked, hoping to divert attention from my embarrassment.

She blushed an even deeper shade of red and bit her lovely bottom lip again. Wow, this had to be good.

Bella rolled her eyes and mumbled something incoherently. I could pick out the words "arrest," "dad" and "nosey."

"Bella?" I said, as smoothly as possible. She turned to face me and stared into my eyes. She looked momentarily stunned herself, and I couldn't help it, my little shoulder companions were doing the Macarena.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes again while shifting on her socked feet. "Because I had just gotten my new phone, and your stupid cousin had put on vibrate," she said hesitantly, but she continued. "Emmett called me suddenly while at dinner with everybody, and I blurted out 'my pussy is vibrating!'"

Bella averted her eyes from mine, and her cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "Fuck, I can't believe I just told you that," she said clearly embarrassed.

I tried. I really did try to hold it in.

Fuck me, I just couldn't.

I started laughing, and in between breaths I said, "Oh God. I would've loved to have seen that!"

Bella huffed and managed to wretch her purse from my grasp. She tried to hit me again, but I deflected it. She started walking toward the street, but I quickly caught up to her, wrapping my hand around her tiny wrist.

She turned to face me and growled.

"Whoa, down girl," I teased, smirking.

"It's not funny, you ass."

"Come on, Bella that was funny!" I said smoothly. "But I'm sorry for embarrassing you."

"Fine, now can we discuss my plan?" she asked, handing me her purse again. I took her butt-ugly purse and nodded. "Okay, the phone is also important because Emmett knows my dad has me on lojack." She smirked, waiting to see my reaction.

I thought about it for a second, and my lips curled up in a slow, devious grin. Oh, this was going to be good.

I ran up to my apartment and barged right in, because I knew that the guys were already there. Bella had told me all about the plan, and I hoped that I could lie well enough not to give myself away.

Jasper and Emmett looked up from my living room couch, and their eyes widened as big as saucers.

"You…" Jasper said, but shook his head quickly.

"Here!" Emmett barely managed.

"You told me to bring it if I managed to steal it," I said breathlessly. I tried to catch my breath and tossed the purse to Jasper.

And Bella's cell phone slipped out onto his lap – perfect.

Emmett cursed under his breath, and his hands gripped his hair.

"Oh, fuck. We're in trouble," Jasper said through gritted teeth. He held up Bella's phone in a shaky hand, like it was a ticking time bomb.

"Will it lead them here?" asked Emmett. His eyes were glued to the phone as Jasper's hand dropped it onto the floor.

"What if we turn it off?" Emmett asked again. Now, it was my turn to feign ignorance.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" I walked over to my fridge and grabbed a bottle of water to quench my thirst.

"We didn't think you'd do it. We –" Jasper said before cursing again.

"Okay, I completed my dare, so we're cool, right?" I asked, taking the recliner beside the two fucknuts.

My little shoulder devil was grinning wickedly, and surprisingly, so was my shoulder angel.

Emmett groaned and picked the phone up off the floor. "This right here, in all likelihood, is going to give us some new jewelry."

Jasper grunted, quickly grabbing the phone and switching it off. "I don't look good in stainless steel," he said numbly.

"I don't look good in an orange jumpsuit, and I'm too pretty for jail," Emmett said, scratching his head.

Jasper jumped off the couch and started to pace. "Well, I'm sure that once Bella knows that it was just a joke she'll come get us out."

I internally smiled and put my best face forward. "Wait, who is Bella? And what the hell are you two talking about?" I took Bella's purse, tossing the contents onto the coffee table in front of me.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Emmett asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

"What do you think?" I rifled through all the junk in her purse, bypassing a compass and a glue stick. Bella was either a pack rat or a girl scout; she was prepared for just about anything. I grabbed her wallet and pulled out her ID. "I'm going to mail her back her purse."

"Fuck," Jasper groaned. "Edward, that won't be necessary. She'll be here in about ten minutes."

"What?" I asked stupidly.

"Dude, she's the friend that Alice is bringing over," Emmett said.

My eyes widened in feigned horror and surprise. "What the hell have you two done?"

"We have to get out of here," Jasper stated earnestly. "The police will probably be here any minute."

"Wait, the police?" I said, with Bella's Harry Potter wallet in my hand. I was seriously going to have to talk to her about her accessories.

"Her father Charlie is a police chief here in Seattle," Emmett clarified.

I clutched my chest and huffed several times unnecessarily. "Oh, shit. My mother is going to kill me."

"I wouldn't be worrying about your mother, it's Bella's father is who you have to worry about." Jasper said seriously.

"You assholes, you knew who she was and how much trouble she'd cause, didn't you?" I said, my face flushing with actual anger.

Jasper put up his hands defensively. "We didn't think you'd do it!"

I scrambled to throw all of Bella's things in her purse and got to my feet.

"Is that a brick?" asked Emmett, earning a death glare from me. He smiled sheepishly as we all raced to my door.

There was a heavy pounding on the door. We all froze, like in the cartoons, almost in mid-stride.

"This is the police! Open your door!"

Jasper cursed. Emmett's eyes popped out of his head.

And I turned away, smirking.

_Let the show begin._


	4. He Did It

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher  
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**Chapter Four – He Did It**

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**Betaed by lisa89  
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**Emmett**

The pounding on the door became more persistent as the three of us looked at it like a bunch of fucking goobers. Edward looked just about ready to piss in his pants, and I was ready to follow suit. _I'm too pretty for jail._

It didn't sound like Charlie at the door, which made me feel a little better. I'd only met the man once and he was huge. You'd think that he'd be the typical chief of police with a beer belly and mustache, but not fucking Charlie. He had no mustache, he was six foot two, with dark hair, dark eyes, and a fucking six pack. The one time I'd met him was at a car wash he and his deputies had organized for a family that had lost everything during a home invasion robbery.

Let me tell you, that car wash had raised a lot of money because of him. Most of the customers had been ladies, all looking for some one-on-one time with Charlie and his "weapon." Even though I was happy that it wasn't Charlie coming to arrest us, it also meant that the coppers behind that door did not know us personally.

Then again, with my rugged, handsome features and Jasper's cool sense of ease, we could totally talk our way out of this.

The voice demanded again, and I recognized it this time. All the color drained from my face, and I was pretty sure that my balls shriveled up. "I want my Mommy," I whimpered.

Bree.

I shook my head several times, looking at Jasper. He looked me like I was about to lose it, which I really was.

Fuck, she was going to kill me.

Bree and I had had one of those hate/hate relationships since the day we'd met. I'd used to pick on her, just the usual stuff: pull her hair, put chewing gum in her hair, stuff a garden snake in her panties – harmless.

Then she had moved away shortly before the eighth grade, and I'd never got around to apologizing. Not that I would anyway, because you know, it just wasn't my style.

Then two years ago at a local dive bar, I'd spotted a uniformed officer in one corner of the bar.

I had strutted my way over, because she'd been hot, and I'd thought she was a stripper. She'd just looked too fucking smoking to be the real thing. I'd grabbed a handful of her ass and asked for a private dance.

Of course, it had turned out to be Bree from school. After she'd slapped me in the face, she'd thrown her full drink at me. She'd probably had a thing for me. Why else would she be so damn defensive?

Later that night I'd found a car boot on my Silverado. With all the unpaid parking tickets I'd had, it had cost about eight hundred bucks to have it removed.

No one messed with my truck. My truck was like an extension of my dick, and you did _not _fuck with a good thing.

Messing with my truck had been the first act of war, and I'd been determined to win.

First, the pranks had been mild: a lewd picture on the windows on her cruiser (she really did have big titties, so I drew them on her car). She had countered it with removing my truck emblem and replacing it with a tiny chrome dick.

Once, I'd managed to switch the license plate frame of her cruiser with one that said Ms. Cop-A-Feel – Call for a Good Crime and her phone number.

_What? She only got about a hundred calls before she changed it._

She'd gotten me back for that with a horn that made a kissing sound and said, "Chinga tu madre!"

Though that was how I'd met Rosalie, so technically I should have thanked her, but I didn't.

The pranks had escalated to the point of the sparkly peen incident.

When I'd seen the ad for a sparkling dildo on one of the porn sites I did research on, I'd known that I had to find a way to use it. Inspiration had struck, and I'd stuck the dildo up the tailpipe of her cruiser. It was just like the banana in the tailpipe prank – perfectly harmless.

I'd watched from across the street at a local café. Bree had come out like she did on any typical morning. We'd normally kept most of our pranks to weekdays and at least a week apart, and the last prank I had played had been three days before. She hadn't exactly been expecting me.

I'd waited for her to turn on the car, and I'd expected it to backfire a little. Then she'd have to check it out, and I'd expected her to be caught by her friends holding the damn thing. What I hadn't expected, just down the street, walking toward the precinct building, was the mayor, and he was surrounded by reporters.

Bree had turned on her car and it had spluttered loudly. She'd looked confused but tried again, and when it didn't work, she'd tried again and pressed the gas. The car had backfired and out had flown the sparkly peen like a missile, bouncing off the car beside her and smacking the mayor in the face.

There'd been a picture of the mayor of Seattle with a sparkly dildo in his hand in all the papers the next morning.

Bree had been stewing on it for almost two years, and this was not going to be good.

Jasper looked over at Edward and motioned with his head for him to get the door. Poor Edward; his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"Trust me, you don't want to open that door," I hissed at them.

"Of course I have to open that door, Emmett," Edward said firmly. He took several deep breaths and turned the knob.

"Hands up where I can see them! Now!" Officer Bree cried out. She came in first, followed by her partner who I knew was named Riley. Her eyes zeroed in on me.

Jasper had his hands up, and his eyes were darting around furiously, like he was looking for an escape route. He recognized Bree and knew we were in trouble. Edward looked like he had shit himself, while I was pretty close to losing my dick, because Bree was glaring at me.

Riley asked Edward to drop the bag, and he let B's purse fall to the floor. All this happened in mere seconds, and I was barely able to get my head together before Bree had me hogtied with handcuffs on the floor, grunting.

_Fuck, I'm being schooled by a girl._

"Hands on the wall and spread them," Riley said firmly to Edward and Jasper.

"Why are you manhandling me, Bree? I didn't do anything." I grunted again, trying to launch her off my back.

"When are you not involved?" she hissed in my ear.

I looked around the room, watching Riley hit the inside of Edward's calves with his nightstick, forcing his legs further apart.

"He did it!" I said, gesturing toward Edward.

Edward's eyes widened and he looked fucking sick. He shook his head. "No, Emmett gave me no choice. It was the purse or drink his jizz!"

"Shut the fuck up, Edward," Jasper spat. Edward glared at him and kicked him in the shins.

"They didn't tell me that she's the chief's daughter!" Edward added, and then winced when Jasper slapped the back of his head, telling him to shut up again.

"Hell no," I said calmly, glaring at little Eddie. "Edward did it all his own."

"Fuck you, Emmett," Edward said shakily. "I'm not going down alone for this shit."

Bree had me get off the floor and rest my forehead against the wall beside Jasper.

"Jasper's the fucking mastermind behind it all," I muttered angrily. If I was going down, we were all going down. Then the motherfucking southern smacked the back of my head, causing me to hit the wall. _That's it. He can't date my sister anymore._

"That's enough," Riley said, pressing his nightstick into the middle of Jasper's back.

"Yeah, what Emmett said," Edward piped in, nodding like a little momma's boy. "Jasper is the captain of this whole operation."

Speaking of Momma, I was so dead. I could already hear the lecture. _"You're supposed to be watching out for him, blah, blah, blah…"_

"Will you two shut the fuck up?" Jasper hissed. "Haven't you heard the phrase, 'You have the right to remain silent?'"

Well that shut me the fuck up. We'd practically already confessed.

I cursed under my breath as Officer Riley started to pat me down. And then he passed my motherfucking crotch. Just remembering this moment would forever be an_ instant _de-boner.

Edward was mumbling quietly to himself, and his shoulders looked like they were trembling. Jasper was like a fucking Vulcan, acting like nothing was happening. If my hands hadn't been in handcuffs, I'd throttle him. It had been his idea to come and wait for Edward at his apartment. If it'd been my choice, we would have been waiting at the tittie bar. But did he listen? _No! _I bet he was regretting that decision now.

Officer Riley finished getting off on molesting me and walked over to Bree. They started talking amongst themselves, and I realized that the longer they did that, the better. It would give the girls a chance to get here, and Bella would be able to clear this all up.

Yeah, she'd clear this right up with Daddy and then kick me in the balls. Let's see… Ball smashing versus dropping the soap.

One set of painful balls, coming right up.

The living room telephone rang, and Edward jumped slightly. After the third ring, the answering machine picked up.

"_Edward, its Alice. Jasper isn't answering his phone, so I decided to call you. We're going to be a little late for dinner tonight, so go ahead and start without us. Oooo, I can't wait until you meet my friend! Bye."_

Well, there went that idea. Jasper and Edward both cursed, and Edward kicked Jasper again. Jasper retaliated by smacking us both on the back of our heads.

"Ow!" Edward and I hissed in unison.

"Assholes," Edward cursed, glaring all serious and shit. "Emmett, do you know that cop?" he asked, looking over his shoulder.

I nodded. "I think I'm about to get violated by her nightstick."

He sighed and banged his head on the wall several times, cursing.

Well then. I'd had no idea that my baby cousin had such a dirty fucking mouth. I wanted to cry; I'd taught him well. Now, I just needed him to make sure that he used that language while fucking a girl senseless. Most women liked a dirty talker. I should probably let him borrow a few of my "instructional" DVD's.

I looked over at him and told him Bree's name, because he'd heard the story. He just shook his head, and I noticed his shoulders trembling again. His chin was on his chest, but his face was covered by one of his shoulders. They continued to tremble, and fuck me, was he crying?

Rosalie was going to murder me – death by blue balls. She was really overprotective of Edward, and she'd even helped him pull some of his more elaborate pranks on Jasper and me.

I was pretty fucking sure that she was going to take his side on this.

I heard the two officers talking, and they seemed to have confirmed that Edward matched the purse snatcher's description. Edward cursed, and it seemed like Jasper was meditating, because he didn't look like he was breathing.

Fucking weirdo. He was into some freaky shit. I was suddenly worried that he was going to do some voodoo or something equally fucked up.

Edward quickly pointed at Jasper and me. "They made me do it. They knew she was the chief's daughter," he repeated like a little fucking girl.

I cursed and shook my head as Officer Riley glared at me.

Officer Bree slapped her stick against her palm three times. "Well then, that confirms that these two are accessories to the robbery. Let's take them all in."

In three minutes Bree and Riley had us cuffed, and our rights were read to us as we were led outside to their police cruiser.

Fuck me.

Another cruiser pulled up, and the officer in it lowered his window. "Charlie just called, he said to keep them detained until he returns tomorrow morning," he said. I gulped. I had to spend all fucking night in jail with these two yahoos; a momma's boy and a witch doctor. Shit.

"We'll do what we can," Officer Bree said.

"County is full. They'll have to stay at the precinct until they have room," the officer said, just before Riley lowered my head to get into the back of his cruiser.

Edward followed behind me, and Jasper took up the rear. The car door slammed shut and Edward gulped. I quickly sniffed him, making sure that he hadn't pissed or shit his pants, because that would not help the situation.

Bree and Riley slid into the car, with Bree taking the wheel. "Looks like you boys will have some bunk mates," she said, laughing as she started the car.

Oh fuck.


	5. Bars

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Five – Bars**

* * *

**Betaed by lisa89 **

* * *

**Emmett**

After our mug shots and fingerprinting, we'd been given our phone calls. I called Rosalie, leaving her a voicemail at our pad. Damn coppers hadn't allowed me to call her cell phone. I could've called my father, but I had a feeling he'd just leave us in here to learn a lesson.

Bree leered at me and shoved me into a small room to change into an orange jumpsuit. I grumbled while I changed into the orange monstrosity and exited the room, waiting for instructions. The female cop who was the bane of my existence smiled at me, holding up ankle cuffs. She slapped them on with a big smile on her face. She walked me to my cell, and she looked like she'd just won the motherfucking lottery, all smug and shit. She grinned at Jasper and literally did a two step before shoving me into a cell.

Bree removed my cuffs and closed the cell door beside Jasper's. Who, by the way, was _not _wearing the familiar prison garb. She pulled out a small camera, and she grinned mischievously as she snapped several pictures of me.

"One of these, or maybe your mug shot, will be great for my Christmas card," she teased. Then she looked over at me cellmate. He was covered in tattoos with a shaved head, wearing leather pants and a matching vest with no shirt underneath. "Rick, you get to share with Emmet tonight," she cooed before she literally pranced away.

"This all your fault, Emmett," Jasper said firmly. I looked away from my cellmate, who hadn't stopped eyeballing me.

"How was this my fault?" I asked, looking at his cellmate. The man was huge, with Butch tattooed across his chest. He was dressed similar to Rick, but his shaved head was covered in tats, including one of a skull with a snake coming of its eye socket. I shuddered slightly.

"I don't know," Jasper hissed, while keeping one eye on his cellmate. "Maybe if you gave some other dare, he wouldn't have had to steal Bella's purse,"

"Whatever," I grumbled. "Charlie is seriously abusing his power right now."

"Do you blame him? Someone stole his little girl's purse while he was gone."

"Yeah." I sighed. "What do you think is taking Edward so long?" I asked, looking at the empty cell across from us.

"I don't know, maybe he got a hold of someone," he said.

"I couldn't get a hold of Rosie."

"I couldn't reach Alice, either."

"We're fucked."

Jasper nodded in agreement. A few minutes later, Edward walked in and was led by Bree to the cell across from mine. "Did you get a hold of anyone, Edward?" I asked.

"Fuck you," he spat. I tried to apologize, but he held his hand up to stop me. He laid down on his cot and turned his back to us.

"My mother is going to kill me," I whispered as I watched Edward's back.

Another officer walked in with a woman in handcuffs, just the way I like them. "Women's is full. Where do I put this one?"

"Put her in with the pretty boy," Bree answered. "I'm sure she can teach him a thing or two."

Edward quickly sat up in his bunk and watched the woman being escorted into his cell. I had got a good look at the woman, and let me say this: leather does wonderful things to the curves of a woman.

She couldn't have been more than five foot five, but she had curves in all the right places. She was wearing black form-fitting leather pants and a tiny blood red leather corset. Her hair was black, long and straight, and the tips grazed the top of her ass. I was unable to see her face, but I did catch a glimpse of full, perky breasts practically spilling out of her top. I watched as she sashayed into Eddie's cell. I had a fleeting thought that the delectable round bottom looked familiar, but the feeling was gone as soon as it had come. Hmm, recognizing a hooker's ass was not good. I cocked my head to the side and admired it for a bit longer. I just couldn't place it.

Fuck, Edward was going to jizz in his pants just by looking at her. Once his cell door closed, the officers left us. It was eerily quiet as I watched Edward nervously run his hands through his hair, watching – not watching but eye fucking – the woman standing before him.

Aw, I thought, as Edward's eyes took another trip along her body. He made me so proud.

Rick decided to sit beside me while Jasper's cellmate sat across from him, glaring. Fuck. I looked back at Edward's cell, trying to ignore the heavy breathing of my cellmate. The woman had her back to me and walked over to sit beside Edward. Her hair hid her face behind a curtain as she spoke.

"Hello there, handsome," she said seductively.

"Hel – lo," Edward said, his voice cracking. _Come on, Eddie. Man up._

"Mistress, this one's pretty," Rick said, still looking at me. I shuddered again. I'd be the first to admit that I was all fucking talk with no bite. I'd never been in a fight, because usually I'd just flex my biceps, and the cowards ran with their tails between their legs. But Rick wouldn't be intimidated by my biceps, because his were bigger._ Much _bigger.

The woman hissed in Edward's cell. "Behave yourself, Rick. You can play later." She returned her attention to Edward.

Fuck, she was the boss. That was all kinds of hot, and Edward would make a great submissive. Fucker would deserve to get spanked after today. If I hadn't been sharing a cell with Rick, I'd be gesturing to Edward to tap that ass.

"Why does Edward get the hot girl?" I complained in Jasper's direction.

"I'm pretty sure that's Bree's doing," Jasper said, watching Edward lean in closer to the fuckhot hooker with fuck me pumps.

I nodded glumly, watching my baby cousin gulp loudly.

"So what'd a handsome Lil' thang like you do?" the woman asked in a southern accent.

"I…stole a purse," Edward answered, trying to scoot away from the woman.

_Don't be scared, Edward. She'll smell your fear, making you tastier. Puff out your chest, bro, _I mentally encouraged him.

"Oh, a bad boy," she purred, closing the distance between them. Her blood red fingernail ran along his jaw.

"Emmett, what the fuck did you do?" I heard Rosalie yell as she came down the hallway.

"Oh shit," I cursed.

"Jasper William Whitlock, you are in so much trouble!" Alice cried out. Her hands were on her hips as she stomped her way over to Jasper.

Bree grinned wickedly as she led Rosalie toward my cell. "Well, I won't be able to release them until they are arraigned tomorrow morning."

"Explain. Now," Rosalie barked out, glaring at me.

I gave her the blow by blow of the joke we'd pulled on Edward, who had surprisingly remained quiet the whole time. I looked over at his cell to see what his deal was, and his lips were locked with the fucking hooker!

_That's my boy! _Then I remembered our parents. Oh God, we'd corrupted him. I was so going to hell.

* * *

**Edward**

Today had been the weirdest and most arousing of my fucking life, and it promised to get better. I watched Bella's enticing body sashay into my cell, and I all I could think about was her boobies.

_Thank you, Jesus, for the DNA that created this goddess. Gah, I love leather!_


	6. Leather and Kisses

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Six – Leather and Kisses**

* * *

**Betaed by lisa89  
**

* * *

**Edward**

Bella's smile was nothing short of taunting, because I really wanted those pretty little teeth to nibble on my…

Her smile slowly turned into a smirk, and she winked. When she'd said earlier today that she'd be joining me in my cell, I'd had no idea this was what she would look like. She'd wanted front row seats to the mind-fuckery we were about to play on Jasper and Emmett.

Bella bit her lower lip and sat beside me. She'd told me when we'd discussed her plan that once I had seen her, I'd have to continue my charade if we wanted this to work.

I must admit, if she asked me to strip down to my birthday suit, I would've done it in seconds. No questions asked. I would've let her have her way with me.

My little shoulder devil started to hiss in my ear to grab her ass and whimper to make it sound real. My shoulder angel reminded my little devil that I'd whimper anyway.

I found myself answering her questions nervously, because she didn't look like the Bella I'd met hours before. She was uber-Bella from the shady underbelly of the Hellmouth, because dressed like this, she had to be a devil.

Also, her idea of playing dress-up was doing some serious things to the blood flow in my body.

I answered her last question, a bit surprised by her southern accent. "I…stole a purse."

My hard on was so painful that I tried scooting away from her uberness (yes, it's a word – now) to see if the flow would return so that I'd have normal brain functions.

Bella (aka Her Unholy Hotness) closed the distance between us, reminding me that I was supposed to play along.

The red devil (who was the spokesman for my dick) was leering at Bella's breasts, and his hands were wrapped around his tail. The angel on my left shoulder had his eyes covered by the tips of his wings, but I noticed his hand under his robe – fucker.

We all wanted a little taste of Bella's uberness, and of her boobies.

Bella explained before I left for my apartment earlier that she did a lot of theater work and had a few friends that would be helping us out. I had to admit that her friends, Butch and Rick, were scary as fuck.

Jasper looked like he was the picture of calm, but I knew better. His rigid pose on the cot told me that he was scared. Though, I couldn't be sure what had him so scared – facing his wife Alice, or Butch.

Emmett kept watching Bella and I interact, but one eye was glued on his cellmate, while his hand instinctively covered his dick.

Bella responded to my stuttered answer with a purr. "Oh, a bad boy." Her fingernail wreaked havoc on my dick, causing it to twitch. Her nail then glided over the stubble of my jaw. Damn, she was a fine actress. I could actually see her eyes smolder and her pulse quicken under her skin.

Fuck it. I grabbed the back of her head and pressed my lips against hers. I'd been waiting all day for the chance to do this. I groaned when her nails scraped my neck, as her hand descended to my chest. Her hand fisted around my t-shirt, pulling me closer. She moaned into my mouth as I parted my lips enough for her tongue to slip in and take over.

Somewhere in the distance I could hear Rosalie and Alice yelling at Jasper and Emmett, and at the moment, I didn't give a shit.

"Fucking hell, Eddie!" Emmett cursed loudly, causing Bella to pull away. "Let her breath."

Bella winked at me. "That's all right, Sugar," she said, loud enough for the others to hear. "We have all night." She licked her lips as her fingertip ran over my lips, removing the color from them.

"Oh my God. Emmett, what the hell did you do to Edward?" Rosalie asked, looking at me through the cell bars. Her hands were on her hips, and she winked at me and Bella.

"I didn't do anything," Emmett insisted with his wide eyes trained on me. "Jasper did."

"I did not," Jasper hissed, never taking his eyes off Alice, who was fuming. Damn, she was a good actress, too. "It's all Emmett's fault."

"I don't care which one of you started this, but you two need to make up to him," Rosalie said angrily as she turned to face Emmett.

During all this, Bella's fingertips were running up and down my arm, and all my blood was still flowing straight to my cock. Her lovely brown eyes looked up at me, and she mouthed, "Kiss me." I was not one to deny her.

I grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her hard. She moaned and fell back onto the cot, pulling my body with her.

"I think _she's _making it up to him," I heard Emmett say.

"Fuck, Elizabeth is going to kill you two," Alice scoffed. "He's going to be de-virginized in a jail cell by a hooker."

I stiffened in Bella's embrace, because I seriously wanted to kill my cousin. Bella pulled away just enough to look into my eyes, as the others continued to argue.

"It's okay, Edward. Same here," she confessed in a whisper.

I sighed in relief and frankly, surprise. I was a bit shocked to find out that someone so confident and sexy would be a virgin. I smiled sheepishly. "Is this alright?" I felt like an animal, attacking her like this.

She nodded. "We might as well enjoy the scene, too," she teased.

"Are you…enjoying this?" I asked, curious if this was just all an act.

Bella bit her lip and nodded again. I smirked and kissed her lips again, this time slowly. She sighed against my lips, parting them slightly. I slipped my tongue into her mouth as her thigh brushed against my erection.

Bella gasped, pulling away. "I don't think I need to ask if you're enjoying this."

I blushed, which caused her to laugh and snort softly. I laughed with her for a moment before shutting her up – with my mouth.

"Fuck, Rosalie!" Emmett cried out. "You called my mother!" From my peripheral vision I could see my aunt Esme stalk toward Emmett's cell.

Bella stiffened beneath me and pushed me off her. I looked at her, a little alarmed at the abrupt dismissal as we both sat up. "I haven't met her yet," she whispered.

I grinned in understanding and nodded. Bella took my hand in hers.

Esme stood before her son's cell and gave him the _Look_. This look was so menacing that just a few seconds of it would have your balls shriveling up to the size of raisins. That was how scary this look was.

Both Emmett _and_ Rick whimpered in their cell. Bella's body shook with laughter just as Grandma Whitlock strutted into the room.

"Alice," Jasper hissed furiously.

"Don't you 'Alice' her," Grandma Whitlock spat, glaring at her grandson. Jasper pouted like a child and nodded. They were going to get it, but it was time to confess.

"We can have this all straightened out," Emmett said in a rushed, low voice. "All we need is Bella."

"Yeah, Alice. Just call Bella. I'm sure she'd get us out of here," Jasper said, full of hope.

"I wouldn't," Rosalie said menacingly. "I'd leave you two in here." I was starting to think she wasn't acting. She must really be pissed at Emmett. She'd always been really protective of me, because when she'd been adopted, she'd been separated from her brother, who would be about my age.

"Baby, don't be that way," Emmett said pleadingly. "Just call Bella, please."

Bella stood up and strutted over to the cell door. "That won't be necessary, sweet thang," she drawled, her expression was clearly amused.

"Oh my God," Jasper hissed, as he looked at Bella like she was the devil incarnate.

Emmett pressed his face against the bars of his cell and looked at Bella, too. "My eyes!" he cried out. "Oh God, I have to bleach out my brain!" He shuddered while Alice, Esme and Rosalie started to laugh.

Alice hadn't been kidding. Emmett really did see Bella as a little sister.

Officer Bree walked into the room and clanked her nightstick against the bars of Emmett's cell. "So are these two staying?"

Bella looked straight at Jasper and then at Emmett. She grinned. "Yes."

After we'd all been released, except for Emmett and Jasper, Bella and I stood in front of their cells.

"Bella," Emmett cooed, with his eyes scrunched closed. "You can't leave us in here."

"Oh, I'm not leaving you here, Em," she said sweetly. "My dad should be here in about two hours. He'll let you two out." She grinned and tugged on my hand.

"I hope you two have learned your lesson," I said, wrapping my arm around Bella's shoulders.

"Yeah, never fuck with a woman's purse," Jasper said. He hit his head on the wall. "I'm sorry, B. You too, Edward."

"Thank you, Jasper," Bella said, smiling at him. She turned toward Emmett expectantly.

Emmett pouted, but he jutted out his chin. "I'm not apologizing."

Bella laughed and sighed. "I didn't expect you to, but you might want to rethink that when my father comes."

Emmett visibly shuddered, but he covered it up by shrugging indifferently.

"Come on," I said and led Bella out of the room, followed by Rosalie, Alice and my aunt.

"Edward steals a purse, _and _he gets the girl," Emmett muttered angrily.

I turned and looked over my shoulder at him. "You bet your ass I do."

Bella snorted, laughed, and then she slapped my chest playfully. My aunt Esme was walking in front of us with a big fucking grin on her face. She was either really happy that her son was getting a lesson of a lifetime or that I'd finally found someone I clicked with. Maybe it was both.

"Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to make Emmett pay," Bree said, extending her hand to Bella. Bella smiled and shook it.

"Take it easy on them," Bella whispered. "I'm sure my father will scare them enough."

Bree rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. I'll be real gentle."

Rosalie laughed and put her hand over her belly, no doubt feeling the baby move. "Play him some NYSNC or New Kids, and he'll lose his fucking mind. Alice drove him crazy with them growing up."

"Ooo, thanks, Rosalie," Bree said, rubbing her hands together gleefully. "I happen to have some of their music."

Rosalie leaned in and whispered, "What exactly happened to the sparkly peen?"

Bree laughed and shook her head. "I have a feeling that the mayor kept it."

We all laughed together while Bree picked up a small radio with an iPod attached and walked over to Emmett's cell. Some music started to play, causing him to groan loudly.

"_Whoa oh oh. Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance…"_

"You know I'll get you both back for this!" Emmett yelled before the door shut behind us.

Of course he would.

After Bella and I had promised to reschedule dinner at her place for tomorrow night with my family, we walked down the street to where she had her truck parked.

Her phone rang in her purse, reminding me that I really needed to have her ditch the scary ass thing. "Hello," she answered cheerfully. I used the distraction to yawn, raising my arm over head and then wrapping it around her shoulder.

Bella looked at me for a moment and burst out laughing, telling her caller to hold on. "I can't believe you just did that."

I blushed for a moment before I realized how stupid that must have looked, and I laughed with her. "Sorry," I mumbled. Bella just smiled at me and took my hand over her shoulder while she put the phone back to her ear.

"Hi, Dad," she said.

I paled. _Oh sweet baby Jebus, please oh PLEASE don't have him shoot me._

"Yup, they're still in there," Bella said as she tightened her hold on my hand.

"Take it easy on them," she said firmly. "It was all in good fun. No! You can't have them strip to their boxers and cuff them to a light post." She rolled her eyes and gave me a wicked smile.

Bella stopped suddenly and paled. "No. You can't have Edward. It wasn't his fault."

I withdrew my arm from her shoulders, waiting for my funeral procession. My little devil had a noose around his neck, and his tongue hanging out. The little angel was the one holding the rope.

I was so fucking dead.

Bella argued with her father for a minute longer. "He's my age. Yes. I don't know. I don't know that either. I just met him. No, Dad. No. No!" She sighed and looked at me sheepishly. "Fine, you can meet him tomorrow. Bye." She hung up and looked up at me.

"It will be fine. He just wants to meet you and probably scare the shit out of you."

I gaped.

Her eyes widened as she tried to reassure me. "You'll survive, I swear."

I nodded, and I tried to lighten the mood. "Should I wear protective gear?"

Bella snorted and shook her head, grabbing my hand and tugging me along.

"So, Bella, where are we off to?" I asked as I pulled her closer to my side. She fit perfectly tucked against me, warm and soft.

"We?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"We," I said firmly as I wiggled my eyebrows. "You didn't think I'd let you leave my sight dressed like that, did you?" We stopped by a black 4x4 GMC Sierra.

"Down boy, this isn't even mine," she said as she pointed at her outfit.

I pouted, which only brought out her cute snort and laughter again. "Well, I have to go home," she said and pulled out her brick, "and put my brick in place."

"Need a hand?" I asked. My hand, of its own accord, ran over her leather-clad ass.

_Oh God, fucking perfection._

The little devil on my right shoulder was panting and gesturing for me to bend her over her tailgate. The little angel on my left shoulder was swapping out his halo for horns.

She cocked her eyebrow at me again. "One hour in police custody and you think you're a rebel."

"I think it's the outfit you're wearing," I said. My voice only cracked once or twice.

"Then you should see it complete with my whip and collar," she quipped with a devious smirk.

In the span of half a second, my dick twitched twice, and my two shoulder companions clutched at their tiny hearts and keeled over.

* * *

**AN: I can really picture to mini Edward's clutching at their little chests!  
**


	7. Little Miss

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Seven – Little Miss**

* * *

**Betaed by lisa89**

* * *

**Edward**

Bella laughed and then pulled me closer by the belt loops of my jeans. "Edward," she whispered against my ear.

I groaned, unable to contain it as my hands grabbed onto her hips firmly. "Bella, you're driving me insane."

My shoulder angel with his lopsided halo and a stethoscope around his neck was currently doing chest compressions on its evil twin. When Bella's lips met my overheated skin, the little devil started to pitch a tent in his pants. The angel stopped, noting that the little devil was just fine, and he started fanning himself with his wings. The little angel straightened out his halo before tossing his tiny stethoscope aside and starting to fiddle with a stereo, looking for mood music. _Angel, indeed._

Bella nipped at my throat before kissing my lips once. "Well, this itchy wig is driving me insane. So let's go."

I nodded in agreement, but I didn't move. There were a few people walking by, and I didn't really want for them to see just how excited I was.

Bella tried to pull away, but I held on to her firmly. She gasped when she felt my arousal pressed against her stomach. I blushed feverishly, and I averted my eyes from her gaze.

She laughed softly and whispered, "I really doubt pressing against me will help with your situation." She bit her lip and pushed away slightly. I mumbled an apology as I stepped back. "It's okay, Edward."

I nodded numbly and opened the truck door for her, and she slid inside. I watched as she pulled her wig off and removed the pins from her hair. Her long chestnut locks spilled over her shoulders as she directed me to her home.

"Bella, sorry about earlier," I said, turning down the road. "I don't think you know what you're doing to me."

I looked over at her and she was smiling, her cheeks tinged pink. "Well, Edward, that makes two of us," she said sweetly.

"Oh thank God," I said breathlessly. Bella snorted beside me and slapped my arm before pointing to the right. We chatted while waiting at a red light, mostly about school. She was only taking some art and photography classes. I asked about her theatre work, and she said that she'd been acting since she'd been a child.

"Is there anything else you do?" I asked as I turned into a nice neighborhood.

"Yes, I do some consultant work," she said, pointing at a two-story house just a few doors down. I pulled into the driveway and turned off the truck.

I turned to face Bella and looked at her curiously. "What type of consultant work?" I asked, a little dazed from her alluring scent.

Her lips turned up at the corners, morphing them into a devious smirk. "Well, Edward, if I told you, I'd have to kill you," she stated in a business-like manner. "Personally, I'm not done with you yet, and I just got started."

I gaped at her, causing her to laugh. "Edward, it's nothing that concerns you, so no worries."

I looked at the house we'd arrived at; it looked to be a newly restored Victorian home. I looked at the neighboring houses and noticed that all of them were very well kept with perfect little lawns.

Bella lived in the Birchwood neighborhood with homes that usually sold for over four million dollars. She seemed to notice my assumption that she was well off.

"I get paid well, plus all the interest from my earnings has been accumulating since I was a year old," she said quietly. She didn't elaborate further, and I sensed the finality in her tone.

Shortly after a brief tour of the first floor of her house, we ordered pizza and headed upstairs. The second floor consisted of two guest suites and a room she briefly explained that there was nothing special inside.

We ascended an enclosed staircase to which I thought would be the attic, but it turned out to be the master suite. The room was spacious with a large sleigh bed situated along the west wall, nestled in between two windows.

Bella asked for me to wait downstairs for the pizza while she changed. I sighed but reluctantly agreed; I really loved her current attire.

My shoulder angel was looking up to the sky, pray that we'd see that outfit on Bella again. My shoulder devil was currently online ordering a plethora of sex toys and leather goods. He paused for second, asking how I felt about a flogger – fuck my dirty mind.

Just the thought that Bella was upstairs changing was not helping my cock stand down. Instead, it was currently trying to gnaw its way out and make its way back to her. I paused by the room that she hadn't let me see inside. I looked over my shoulder, making sure the coast was clear.

This was all kinds of wrong, but I was inquisitive by nature and more so when it concerned Bella. I wanted to know everything about her, and if I had to investigate, so be it.

My shoulder angel tsked as he listed all the reasons I shouldn't be doing this, while my little should devil whispered to me how best to pick the lock.

With my internal ramblings at war with each other, I finally decided I needed to see. I tested the knob carefully, and it turned in my grip. I was swallowed nervously, because I seriously didn't know what I'd find behind this door. A part of me thought it would a room filled with a multitude of erotic costumes, chains and whips.

I was so fucking wrong.

Every inch was covered with memorabilia from a TV sitcom I'd used to watch years ago, called Little Miss Dish. Everything from posters, t-shirts and dolls lined her shelves and walls. I moved a little closer to a shelf that seemed to hold awards of some kind.

They were fucking Emmy Awards. Bella was Little Miss.

Holy fucking shit.

I looked around the room, and my eyes narrowed in on a movie poster of Little Miss's first feature length film that had been released in the early nineties. It was a box office hit, and I should know. I'd watched it four times back home.

"You know what they say about nosey people trying too hard," Bella said behind me, instantly reminding me of one of Little Miss's famous phrases.

I turned sheepishly and was met with an angry Bella with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot furiously. "They'll rub their noses right off," I said, finishing the quote.

She crossed the room in seconds and stood defiantly in front of me. "Breathe a word of this to anyone, and I will hurt you," she spat.

My eyes widened and my heart accelerated. "I won't say a thing," I said quickly. I made a show of zipping my lips and throwing away the key.

My shoulder angel wrapped his wings around him, cocooning himself from Bella's glare, all the while chanting, "I told you so. I told you so." The little devil, on the other hand, was taking out his autograph book and pen.

Bella continued to glare at me, but I could see her tightlipped frown falter just before she started laughing.

"I knew you couldn't fucking resist," she teased. "What did you think I had in here, a playroom or something?" When I didn't answer right away, her eyes widened, and then she leaned on me for support as she continued to snort and laugh.

"Laugh it up, Little Miss," I ground out.

Bella stiffened in my arms and then pushed me away. "I'm serious, Edward. I don't want them to know," she sighed and tugged at my hand, leading me downstairs. "Can you imagine what Emmett would do with that information?"

"Shit," I said thoughtfully. "But still, it's nice that I can hold material for blackmail over you."

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "See that urn on the mantel there?" she said, pointing to a nice bronze urn in the living room. "That holds the remains of the last person that tried to blackmail me."

I eyed her suspiciously for a moment and noticed she was being playful, but I had to admit, I wouldn't be able to tell if she was acting or not.

_Hmm, this could pose to be a problem._

The doorbell rang, bringing me out of my thoughts. Bella went to answer the door and asked for me to set up in the kitchen. Her kitchen was modern and not like most of the house that had remained mostly in tradition with Victorian décor.

Bella's center island consisted of cherry wood cabinetry meant to look more like a piece of furniture. It was topped with rich black granite along with a small round sink with a spray nozzle faucet. Along one side was a wine rack and the other consisted of drawers.

Though the island was rectangular in shape it round on one end where there stood three bar type stools with overhead lighting. I made my way to some cream cabinetry that housed white dinnerware.

I made two place settings on the island and managed the find the subzero refrigerator that was disguised with matching door fronts to the rest of the cabinetry.

Bella joined me shortly after, and we continued our chat about school. Though I was dying to ask about her child star days, it seemed it was a topic that she didn't like to talk about. It was well after eleven at night when she realized that she needed to place her last brick in the backyard. We both made our way through a set of white French style patio doors to a lattice redwood patio. Even in the dim moonlight, I could make out beautiful foliage and even a few water features.

"Just ahead of us is a butterfly garden," Bella said, pointing. "On the right is my herb and vegetable garden, and the garden on the left is a variety of plants that can endure the constant rain." I stepped out from under the patio and noticed the brick pathway that she'd been talking about. She stepped away to grab some tools and told me to look around.

In the center of her backyard was a circle of bricks around a water fountain. From that circle, three paths fanned out defining the boundaries of each of the gardens.

I heard what sounded like pounding behind me, and I turned to find Bella kneeling on the ground with a chisel in one hand and a mallet in the other. She was rounding out what looked like a third of the brick. She was wearing a pair of safety glasses, and I couldn't help myself when I groaned softly.

I allowed my eyes to wander over her body. She was clad in worn denim overalls, and underneath was a fitted blue tube top; my eyes lingered on her breasts as she continued to hammer away bits of pulverized brick.

The devil on my right was fucking panting and gesturing vividly to drop trou and fuck her from behind while pulling her hair. The angel on my left moved over to swiftly kick his twin in the ass, right off my shoulder. The angel patted himself on the back and then proceeded to cross himself.

"Done," Bella said quickly and jumped up on her feet. She pulled off her glasses and looked at me curiously. She looked down at my crotch, which fucking twitched –_traitor_ – before raising an eyebrow. "Seriously, Edward, it seems to have a mind of its own."

"You have no idea," I groaned.

She walked toward her butterfly garden and placed two rounded circles at the tail end of the path. I finally noticed that each "arm" consisted of circles that became smaller and smaller. I looked around in amazement and I recognized the layout.

"Did you create this all by hand?"

"Yup," Bella said, looking up at me. She wanted me to figure out what was going on.

"By eye," I added.

I left her side and quickly climbed the stairs to her bedroom to look out the window. The Triskelion symbol was laid out in brick in Bella's backyard, seemingly by hand and eye, each arm done in perfect concentric circles from the center.

She came in behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Did I forget to mention that I have an IQ of 173?"

Fuck me.

Good Mini Me grinned and started to pick out a church and an engagement ring. Bad Mini Me climbed back on my shoulder, dusted himself off and said, "What the fuck are you waiting for?"

I warred with myself on what I was about to do. "Bella," I whispered, pulling her into my arms. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I know that I shouldn't be asking this yet, but fuck, you're like my dream girl. Smart, funny, and you happen to look like a fucking centerfold."

She snorted but smiled up at me. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I felt like such a doofus for asking such a childish question, but I needed to make myself clear, and hell, I needed to mark my fucking territory.

Bella snorted again. "Hmm, yes, but aren't we supposed to _date_ first?"

"Well personally, I think the fact that I _held_ your purse, spent about an hour in jail for you, palmed your ass," I said smoothly, but my telltale blush flourished before I could continue. "And I spent the last couple hours in your presence should quantify as a first date."

Bella buried her face in my chest, tightening her arms around my waist. "That's one hell of a first date," she quipped.

"Yes it was. Now how do you suggest we finish it?" I asked as I kissed along her neck. God, she smelled so good.

Bella smiled and bit her lip, causing me to harden instantly. "With one hell of a kiss," she whispered, angling her neck to grant me better access.

I hummed in satisfaction as the Bad Mini Me pulled up a chair and bag of popcorn. The good one, the one that supposed to have a halo, was currently debating if we should go commando from now on and was wondering if we could convince Bella to do the same.

Bella and I tumbled onto her bed, panting breathlessly, my lips never leaving hers.

* * *

**Meanwhile - Emmett**

Bree stood outside my cell with her torture device, asking me to moonwalk for the hundredth time this evening. I groaned but complied. I was so going to get those two crazy kids. I looked over at Jasper, who was currently doing the running man, badly, while his grandmother cheered him on.

I was pretty fucking sure Jasper would help me out with my plan, because he looked fucking miserable. I knew we deserved it and more so since we'd found out that Chief Swan had to cut his vacation short with his fuckhot girlfriend Heidi because of us.

But still, this was going too far. It was time to go camping.

My body suddenly tingled, and I shivered. My spidey senses told me that someone was getting lucky tonight.


	8. Payback

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Eight – Payback**

* * *

**Betaed by lisa89**

**Note: If you don't think you can handle a Charlie/Heidi mini lemon, skip this first part :)  
**

* * *

**Charlie**

I groaned as I filled her warm mouth, panting and trembling. Heidi moaned and cocked an eyebrow enticingly. She was very pleased that she was able make me literally weak in the knees. I chuckled, pulling out of her mouth. "Get up, baby," I said huskily.

She licked the corners of her mouth and sat prettily on the edge of the bed. I tilted her chin up, kissing her mouth softly. She fucking purred – oh, this woman.

"Please, Charlie," she pleaded, and she wrapped her legs around mine. I pulled away, causing her to arch toward me.

"What do you –" I was interrupted by my cell phone ringing.

I shot across the room and picked up instantly. There were only two reasons why I'd be disturbed; one of my own had been shot down or my baby girl.

"This had better be good," I growled once I saw that it was the police station.

"Sorry, boss," Bree said warily.

I sighed because I knew this wasn't a social call.

"What happened?"

"Bella called."

"Bella," I said softly. A look of concern alerted Heidi, and she quickly started to dress, chucking my boxers toward me.

"Emmett and Jasper pulled a prank on her using Em's cousin."

"What did that little fucker do?"

Ever since that damn sparkling dildo incident, that punk had been on my shit list. He had no idea the fucking crap I'd had to go through to save Bree's job. He had a lot to answer to, and he didn't even know it.

You fucked with one of us – you fucked with all of us.

This was going to be good. I could feel it in my bones. I gained Heidi's attention and shook my head, motioning for her to go back to bed.

"He had his cousin steal Bella's purse while she was out."

"Wait. Was this the cousin that Alice insisted Bella meet?"

"The very one."

"Oh, he's good."

"Bella has a plan."

I smiled. My baby's plans are always devious in nature. Emmett had no idea what he was getting into; poor Jasper was unfortunately along for the ride.

"Tell me."

I listened to the plan and agreed to all the things that they were going to do. I was bending some of the rules, but I was okay with that.

"Make sure you keep them there until I get back. I'll be in before midnight."

"Gotcha, boss," she said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, run a background check on this kid Edward. If he's spending time with my baby I want to know everything."

"Will do."

I hung up and returned my attention to my fiancé, who was watching me carefully. "It's fine, just some trouble with your sister's husband and those new friends of Bella's."

Heidi sighed and held out her hand. I took it, joining her in bed. "Charlie, I know that you feel that you still need to take care of her, but she's a big girl."

"I know that," I said. "It's just that she never had that much of a childhood, and with that goof around I'm afraid he's going to corrupt her."

Heidi laughed. "Well, maybe that's what she needs."

I growled and pinned her on the bed. I nipped at her nose and lips, earning a peal of laughter. "No. My baby girl is going to stay sweet and innocent."

That just made her laugh harder. "Honey, have you met your daughter?" I looked at her, confused by her question. She smirked, clearly pleased that she had caught me off guard.

"She pulled me aside the first time I met her and asked me outright if I was after money."

My eyes widened at her admission. "She's just looking out for you, and she also reminded me that she was a black belt who had no problem introducing me to her foot." I laughed and shook my head. "She can hang with the big boys. Besides, she needs friends, real ones."

I nodded sadly. Bella had ever had many friends. Those she had made as a child were only after the fifteen minutes of fame that knowing her would bring. I couldn't be happier that she'd worked under a stage name back then. All thanks to Renee – bless her.

I smiled at Heidi, and I realized that life didn't get better than this. I kissed her soft lips, still holding her down on the bed. I ground my erection against her thigh, both us moaning from the friction. "Now, since we're leaving early," I said, and took her full bottom lip in between my own. I released it gently before wiggling my eyebrows. "I think we need to make up for lost time."

~oOo~

I called Bella on the way home, trying to get her to let Edward stew in jail with the boys, but she wouldn't bite. I had to wait to meet him another night. It figured she wouldn't let me meet the first boy she showed interest in. I'd get to him soon enough. I'd have to remember to pull out my cleaning kit and shotgun when she brought him around.

Later, after dropping Heidi off after the long drive from the bed and breakfast a few hours away I made a stop at the local corner market. I stretched, stepping out of my Porsche and walking toward the front doors of the police station. Bree met me at the door with a broad smile.

Oh, I could tell she had enjoyed her night so far.

"How's it going?"

"Emmett's about to break," she said smugly. I rolled my eyes but chuckled under my breath. "I swear I never laid a hand on him."

"I'm sure you haven't, but I know your ways of torture."

She grinned, knowing that I was referring to our past takeouts. Her taste in music was eclectic, but after enduring it for a couple of hours, it had become torturous.

"Rosalie, Emmett's wife, actually pointed out what he likes _best._"

"Of course she did," I said, holding the door open to allow Bree through.

"So, what are you going to do with them?" she asked curiously.

"First, I don't know the whole story. Who was the one who suggested stealing Bella's purse?"

"Oh, that was Jasper."

Hmm, that wasn't what I'd been expecting.

I cursed under my breath. "I was going to take it easy on him, thinking he was just going along with Emmett."

"Oh, Emmett is far from innocent. His dare was to drink a cup full of his cum."

My stomach lurched, and I tried to shake off the feeling. "In other words, he gave the kid no choice."

"Something like that."

"Well then, I think we have to give them no choice, too," I said firmly, a smirk playing on my lips.

"Oh, this is going to be fun."

I nodded. Fun, indeed.

A light bulb flashed, and I gave Bree a wicked grin. "Tell the boys to take the cooler out of the back of my jeep. I'm going to kill two birds with one stone."

Bree smiled and clapped her hands excitedly.

I dialed a number and called the one person that could make Emmett do anything – his pregnant wife and my future sister-in-law, Rose.

* * *

**Emmett**

Bree had just left, and I was exhausted. Fuck, trying to dance to all the shit she played was a bitch. Thankfully, Rick and Butch had left with Bella and her band of merry men.

After she'd left, ideas had started to form. Poor Eddie was going to be caught in the crossfire. He'd be a casualty in this war.

The Prankanator vs. The Little Lamb.

Anyway, she owed me big time. That was what she got for making me have dirty thoughts about her ass.

I shuddered.

Suddenly, it felt like all the warmth was being sucked out of the room. All the happiness was being leeched from my very body.

That meant only one thing. I whimpered and backed into the corner of my cell.

He was coming.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jasper hissed.

Seriously, the way he was glaring me made me question our friendship. Just what did I know about him anyway? Hell, I hadn't even visited his house before. I didn't even know what he did for a living. All he's ever said about his job was that he worked with animals.

Hmm, that voodoo magic was still in the realm of possibilities.

"Don't you feel it?" I said.

"Feel what?"

"He's here," I whispered.

"Huh?"

"He said 'He's here," a cold, calculated, raspy voice said.

"Oh God," I yelped, jumping backward.

"Hi, boys," Charlie said firmly. He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart and his arms crossed over the expanse of his chest. His expression was tight and a mask of indifference.

_Holymotherfuckinghell._ We were dead. So dead.

"Charlie," Jasper said calmly.

"Chief Swan to you, boy," Charlie said.

I gulped – this wasn't good.

"Sir, please," Jasper pleaded. "Let me say that we're really sorry."

Charlie cocked an eyebrow in my direction. "Emmett," Jasper hissed.

I nodded. "We're really sorry, Char – Chief Swan," I said. "But technically it was Eddie's fault."

I heard Jasper slap his forehead with his palm.

What? It was true.

"Oh really?" Charlie asked with a smirk. "Would you drink your own man juice?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"What made you think Edward would?"

"Well, he's a bit of a prude, and he wouldn't want to break the law."

"Shut up," Jasper said lowly. His beady little eyes burned into mine.

"Hmm…I had to come home a night early because of you two yahoos, and all because of your need to pull a prank?"

"Yes," I said.

_Slap._ Another face palm.

Charlie eyeballed Jasper. "What do you think I should do to you two?"

"Let us go?" I answered.

Charlie turned to face me, and I swore I was this close to pissing my pants. According to the Chief's lovely daughter, he could bench press – me. He could also disarm a gunman in two-point-three seconds, and I was pretty sure he knew jujitsu.

Oh sweet merciful Jesus, if he kept looking at me like that, I'd need to change my shorts.

Then I was on my knees in less than a second. "Please don't hurt me. Do what you want with the Texas toast, but I'm going to be a daddy in a month. Surely you wouldn't want to leave Junior fatherless, would you?"

Charlie's glare didn't waver or flinch.

"Charlie…fuck, we'll do anything. Anything you ask!" I pleaded with my patented puppy dog look.

Then the fucker smirked. Oh fuck, I'd played into his hands.

"I'm willing to let this go if you two do me a favor," Charlie said, rubbing his jaw with his hand.

Jasper sighed and cleared his throat. "Chief Swan, we've clearly crossed the line concerning your daughter. We'll gladly assist you in any way we can."

What the fuck?

"Good," Charlie said. "Boys!"

Two uniformed officers came into view with a fucking huge blue-and-white ice chest.

Jasper whimpered. About time the fucker showed some kind of emotion. Charlie had the cops put the ice chest down in front of our cells. Charlie opened it and showed us what was inside.

Motherfucking fish.

Jasper groaned, looking green and ready to hurl. Fucker hated fish.

* * *

**Three hours later…**

"Fuck, I can't wash the smell off my hands," I whined, trying to scrub my arms clean.

"That's because it's not only on your hands, dumbass," Jasper grumbled at the sink beside me.

"Shut it."

"I have shut it," Jasper said, looking green. "But it keeps coming back up." His eyes watered, again and he moaned and ran to a stall behind us. The bathroom door slammed open, and Charlie came strolling in.

"Thanks, boys," he said as his hand clasped my shoulder. A loud groan came from Jasper's stall, followed by the sound of a splash. Ugh.

"Is Jasper still puking?"

"Yeah, boss man," I said with a grin.

"Oh God," Jasper moaned. "I just pulled an eyeball out of my pocket." Then another splash.

"So, boys, did you learn your lesson?" Charlie asked, tightening his grip on my shoulder.

"Yeah, don't fuck with Bella."

"I concur," Jasper groaned.

"Now, you two head on home. It's time for me to see my little girl and meet your cousin."

Oh shit. As much as Edward deserved to have his ass hided for this shit, it would be bad that it was the same night he stamped his v-card.

"Char – Chief Swan," I said, hoping to stall him. "What do we have to do to get this fucking smell out?"

Charlie shrugged. "I don't know. I've never gutted fish. I grabbed all the fish from the local butcher just for you boys." He grinned and patted my back. "Why don't you call Rose? She might know."

Fucking hell, they weren't even his fish. Fuck…he was good. I nodded because he was right. Rose would know something domestic like that.

~oOo~

"What the fuck are we doing at Walmart? Jasper asked nasally. Fucker was still trying to breathe through his mouth.

"Rose and Alice said we can't go back home until we've got the stuff we need to clean up."

"What exactly do we need?" Jasper asked, grabbing a blue basket for himself and passing me one.

"Follow me, beotch," I said. I walked toward the fresh produce aisle until we came to our first stop.

"Lemons," Jasper said numbly. "What the hell do we have to do with lemons?"

"I don't know. Soak in it maybe? Rose just said to get a lot of them." I made a grab for a plastic produce bag, but the fucker wouldn't tear off.

"Emmett, you're doing it wrong."

By now I had a dozen bags, and I was ready to knock the dispenser off. Jasper calmly took the bags from me, tore two off before handing me one, and then he hid the extras in a tomato bin.

"Well fuck," I complained. "I could've done that."

Jasper rolled his eyes and began filling our bags. "Jeez, two-twenty-nine a pound. Fucking leeches," I hissed.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Yup," I said, pulling on a pair of aviators. "Now we shoot a cruise down the vag aisle."

"What?"

"Rose said douche water will get any smell out."

Jasper muttered profanities under his breath as we walked to the Health and Beauty section.

_Oh, I need some Pantene._

"Tampons, pads and condoms, oh my," I muttered. Jasper snickered as we stood in front of a few shelves filled with all kinds of goodies.

Warming oils, lubricants, and ribbed condoms.

"Okay, there are two kinds, the brand name douche water and the store brand," Jasper said quietly. "Which one?"

I had no idea.

A tiny dark-haired woman making a grab for some overnights caught my eye. "Hey, miss. Can you help us? What kind of douche water is better?" I asked, holding up both brands.

Her eyes widened; she sniffed and then grimaced. She covered her mouth, and I was pretty sure we made her baby barf. Oops.

"Wifey has trouble in the trenches," I said.

Another face palm. Dude was going to give himself a bruise.

The lady closed her eyes and quite literally swept all the bottles of douche water on the shelf into my basket. Then she shoved a few boxes of feminine wipes at me before walking away, muttering under her breath.

"For that fresh clean feeling," I read off the box. "Dude, do you think our chicks lie about being clean before we go down on them?"

Yet another face palm. I looked over at Jasper, and sure enough, the fucker has a big red mark on his forehead.

He really needed to learn to keep his cool.

* * *

**Edward**

Good god, everything she was doing felt so good, and if she didn't stop, this would be ending prematurely.

The little devil was currently howling, his little leg shaking like a dog as Bella's hands continued to roam over my back and chest. My little angel, on the other hand, was busy sniffing her hair.

_Damn, she smelled fucking edible – blackberries and vanilla._

I groaned when her teeth bit into my neck. I bucked my hips against her thigh and rolled over until I hovered over her.

I had no idea how far Bella was willing to go. The little devil on my shoulder was already pulling off her overalls. The angel was currently on his knees, praying for me.

Fuck… I'd just met her. I didn't want this to be a one-time thing. I really liked Bella, and I knew that I would have to put a stop to this.

Then she fucking moaned. Fuck the angel. The devil grinned wickedly and kicked his twin off my shoulder.

My fingers twitched at the side buttons of her overalls. Her head lolled to one side as I continued to kiss along her neck. I snapped a button open, quickly followed by another. My fingers itched to touch her.

Bella's fingernails dug into my back, causing me to buck my hips. Her legs instantly fell open to cradle my hips. My fingers splayed over the bare skin of her torso as they headed north to her breasts.

I came to the hem of her tube top, pulling another moan from Bella. God, that sound fucking went straight through to my groin. I bucked my hips against her again; this time she arched her back from the friction against her – oh fuck, her pussy.

Oh fucking hell, I was going to jizz my pants.

The little devil on my shoulder was gesturing for me to play tittie twister with Bella's nipples. I was all too happy to oblige. My hands were poised just under her cloth-covered breasts, her breath fanning my face as her kisses became more urgent. Our hips were grinding against each other in deep, erratic thrusts.

One of my hands tentatively moved upward and I fucking groaned when my palm was filled nicely with her pillow-like softness. I thrust my erection against her harder. Little licks of flame started to burst along my spine and abdomen.

I was going to come.

Oh fuck.

Bella mewled and pulled my face to hers again, thrusting her tongue in my mouth. Holy fucking shit. I really liked what she was doing to my tongue – it was like a Hoover maneuver. But this wasn't exactly helping what was happening down under.

My climax was there and threatening to spill over when Bella's hips raised to meet mine. Then she gasped my name into my mouth, her body trembling as I held her in my arms.

Oh God, I'd made her come.

Knowing I'd done that to her, along with the pleasant sensation of her tongue against my neck and her hands tugging on my hair, sent me over the edge. With a deep groan of satisfaction, I completely slumped on her body.

Bella sighed deeply as her slender legs wrapped around my hips. Her hands stroked my hair and back, and she kissed my forehead. I looked up from her chest and gave her a lazy grin. "Hey," I whispered.

She smiled back at me and stroked my cheek. "What the hell is tittie twister?"

_Oh hell. I said that out loud?_

She smirked, pleased that she had caught me off guard. I growled and started tickling her sides. She laughed and tried to get away from my magical fingers. I couldn't allow that. I straddled her thighs and pinned her hands in one of mine over her head. My other hand was currently looking for all her ticklish spots.

"Uncle!" she cried out after several minutes. I shook my head, because I was not ready to stop exploring.

The little devil on my shoulder started pointing out locations on Bella's body that would be responsive to my tickling fingers. Of course, they were considered R-rated places. Should I dare?

Oh yes, I dared.

I brushed a few fingers at the apex of her thighs, causing her to gasp and bite her lower lip.

"Interesting, this area doesn't appear to be ticklish," I said huskily.

Bella shook her. "It is. I think you just need to check again."

I smirked. Oh, I was going to like this game.

I leaned down to kiss her soft lips when Bella suddenly threw me to the other side of the bed, turned on the bedside lamp as well as the widescreen on the adjacent wall, and tried to tame her wild hair.

What the fuck? Then I saw a shadow coming from the hallway. I gulped.

"Hi, Daddy."


	9. Shotgun Shells

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Nine – Shotgun Shells**

* * *

**Betaed by lisa89**

* * *

**Edward's Mini Devil (aka Dev) POV**

"We interrupt this regular-scheduled portion of Edward's life to give you some four-one-one on our virginal couple. Everything seems to be going pretty well. There's lots of kissing, necking and foreplay, but the kid is keeping everything PG-13," I said with a bit of a pout.

The way Edward was going, we were going to be blue-balling until next week. Angel poked me in the gut and hissed at me.

"Give the kid a break," Angel said, interrupting my commentary. "He's a little new to this."

"Come one, Angel, he's watched enough porn to know what he should be doing."

Angel rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, his collection is extensive, but he hasn't had much time to watch any."

"Whose eyes have you been looking through?" I asked, looking over at my twin. His beady little eyes were looking past me, and he shook his head.

"Sweet merciful Jesus. Dev, I think he's dry humping her," Angel said exasperatedly, while trying to discretely sniff Bella's hair.

Of course I had noticed. Hell, I was howling and shaking my leg, because it felt nice. I nudged Angel's arm and pointed at my boy. "He's going for her boobies. Go for it, Eddie. It's time to play tittie twister."

"Damn, he's going to combust before he gets her nak–" I was cut off as Edward grunted Bella's name before nuzzling her neck, exhausted.

"Shit," Angel hissed, covering his flushed face with his wings.

I wiped the sweat off my brow, and my tail fanned my face. "You have to admit that was hot," I said, happy that we weren't blue-balling any longer.

"Wait. Do you feel that, Angel?" I asked, my danger senses going haywire. I swore I could hear something downstairs.

"Dev," Angel said as he smacked my shoulder, pointing at Edward and Bella. "They're um…at it again."

I grinned and rubbed my hands together. "Nice." I started giving Edward some pointers on where to touch our lovely Bella when Angel smacked me again.

"Don't you hear something?" he asked. I shook my head, loving the little whimper Bella gave out.

"Dev," Angel said. "I'm serious. I think someone is downstairs." I snapped my attention back to my twin, his face etched in worry.

"Well, can't you see and find out?"

"What am I supposed to do? Use my divine powers and see who's down there?"

I nodded. "Well, yeah. You're the good guy, and that stipulates that you should have some kind of power."

Angel rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. "I'm not a mind reader, Dev."

I chuckled. "That would be a cool power," I said. "How about you use those girly wings of yours and make yourself useful?"

This time he smacked me with this wing. Ouch…I rubbed my head and pouted.

That was when I heard the steps coming from the stairs. Edward was off Bella faster than I could say supercalifragilistic…whatever.

"Oh my," Angel said softly. "I think he's carrying a weapon."

"If you're talking about those two things coming out of his shoulders then I'd say he's carrying two."

"Dev, I'm not talking about his arms. I'm talking about the one he's carrying in his hand."

I looked down from the rather large man's arms and found a formidable shotgun in his right hand. I gulped, looking over at my twin. "He's a dead man."

"Come on," Angel said. "If we hop off now, we can land on Bella's shoulders."

"Good thinking."

_Abort! Abort! Abandon ship._

**Edward**

My eyes widened, and my breathing hitched before my heart came to a complete stop. I blew out a breath and looked up to see my worst nightmare.

A rather large man, with big arms and most importantly a shotgun in his hand, was standing in the doorway of Bella's bedroom. My hard on thankfully dissipated as said "Daddy" swung the shotgun up and let it rest on his shoulder. His dark eyes darted around the room, and they lingered on the disheveled state of the bed.

Oh fuck.

He knew. He knew that I'd just dry humped his virgin daughter and had every intention of doing it again. Oh fuck.

"Dad, um, I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?" Bella asked sweetly and coolly.

Yeah, she was an actress, remember?

"Came to check on my princess and make sure everything is alright," Mr. Swan said as he took a few steps inside the room. His eyes were taking in our appearances, missing nothing as they zeroed in on my hair.

Damn Alice for insisting I needed a new haircut. She had called it the just-been-fucked hairstyle.

"That's really sweet of you, Dad," Bella said with a smile, taking her eyes from the TV screen. I noticed it was playing Star Wars Episode Six, Return of the Jedi. _Fuck me, Star Wars…she's fucking perfect._

"Anything for my little girl," he said.

"Dad, this is Alice's cousin, Edward Cullen," Bella said. "Edward, this is my dad, Charlie Swan."

"You're the one that stole my princess's purse?"

I nodded and jumped off the bed to greet him properly. "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir." I extended my hand in hopes to show that I wasn't a fucking pussy.

His eyes were a shade darker than Bella's, and his face held some stubble along his jaw. He looked younger than I had expected him to be. There was a picture of him downstairs of him and Bella from a few years ago, but back then he'd had a rather large mustache. He looked almost ten years younger without it.

I bit the inside of my cheek when his tremendous grip on my fingers popped every bone in my hand.

"I'm sorry," I said again. I shifted uncomfortably in my pants, my skin sticky and gross. Bella must have sensed my discomfort.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said sweetly. "Before my dad came in you asked about the bathroom." She pointed to a set of double doors behind me. I nodded and gave her my thanks.

"When you're done, come downstairs," Charlie said, using his gun to point behind him.

"Okay," I muttered.

I turned quickly and closed the door behind me. I heard Bella and Charlie's muffled voices through the door. Whatever was being said, Bella at least sounded like she was winning.

I cleaned myself up and decided to remove my boxers altogether. I washed them as best as I could in the sink. I had no idea what to do with my wet underwear, so I hung them over the shower enclosure. My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I answered when I saw that it was Emmett. "Hello," I said quietly.

"Hey, man. I wanted to give you the heads up on the parental unit on his way there."

"It's a little late for that," I hissed as I propped the phone between my shoulder and ear. I opened the medicine cabinet to look for some aspirin for the killer headache I was getting.

Then I saw it. A small purple pouch.

I'd seen a purple pouch like this before. Alice… purse fell… _Don't ask._

A fingertip vibrator.

I dropped the phone, cursed, and hardened all in a matter of seconds. I put the pouch back and picked up the phone.

"Dude, what the fuck was that?" Emmett asked. In the background I could hear Jasper asking him to pull over.

"I just found something in Bella's medicine cabinet."

"Oh, did you find some anti-itch cream?"

"What? No!"

"If you did, you don't have to worry. Sometimes they use it if they shave down there."

I gaped and closed the medicine cabinet before I was tempted to look further. If I started to think about Bella's pussy, I was sure to blow another load.

"Edward, did you get into Bella's pants?"

"No. Charlie just got here."

"Sorry, buddy," Emmett said. "Well, no, I'm not sorry because you deserve it after the night Jasper and I had." He quickly explained what Charlie had them do, and the condition of their foul-smelling bodies.

I rolled my eyes and checked to see if the coast was clear. Thankfully it was. "You two deserved it and you know it."

"Maybe, but that's not going to stop me from planning _revenge_!" Emmett said and laughed his evil laugh. Then the ass hung up on me.

I quietly made my way downstairs and found Bella and her father talking in the kitchen. I stopped midway to overhear. I knew I was an ass. I couldn't help it.

"He's a good guy, Dad."

"He stole your purse."

"He did, but he had a good reason," Bella said, defending me. Bless her.

"That's what they all say," Charlie said with a noticeable edge to his voice.

"Maybe, but he did play along to go after the boys."

Charlie sighed. "Look, Bella. I'm really happy you've made friends, but don't you think it's weird that most of them are ten years older than you?"

What?

"Well, most kids my age are just starting out college. I've already graduated with three BAs."

"You should hang out with kids your own age," Charlie said in a flat tone.

"Edward is my own age."

"He's three years older than you."

Damn, she was only eighteen.

"That's better than ten," Bella quipped.

"Look, I'm just saying –"

"Dad, I'm not the party type girl. You met that atrocious roommate I had last year, Jessica – she failed her entire first semester. Is that what you want me to do?"

"I'm not saying that you should party, or drink, for that matter. I'm just saying to have some fun."

"That's what I'm doing this year. Anyway, it's not like you're going to let me start my train –"

"Bella, we've talked about this."

She sighed. "No. We haven't. I want to train, not be just a consultant."

_Consultant? Train for what?_

"You're too young still."

"I'm an adult now."

"I know you are. You have been since you were eight years old," Charlie said, laughing softly.

"Yes, growing up on set does that to a kid."

"It may have something to do with that big brain of yours, too."

"Really? Ya think so," Bella said playfully. I could hear her father hum softly before one of them took a deep breath. "Dad, can you please hand me the bullets?"

"Ah, hell, you take all the fun out of scaring a boy," Charlie said.

I heard a few clicks and the sound of a drawer being opened then closed. I took a deep breath, now that I knew the gun was unloaded.

Bella cleared her throat. "The one in the chamber, too."

Charlie cursed.

It was fucking armed? Fuck.

I decided to make myself known by "accidently" bumping my elbow at foot of the staircase.

"Edward, we're in the kitchen," Bella said, poking her head out to greet me. I matched her smile.

"Why are you limping, Bella?" Charlie asked as I entered the kitchen.

"Because she chased me down and cut her foot on some glass," I said as I looked at the pair. Charlie looked up at me, his arm draped around Bella's shoulders.

"What the hell happened to her shoes?"

"She threw them at me," I said, leaning against the opposite counter. Bella scowled at me.

"Aw," Charlie said and pressed his lips onto Bella's forehead. "That's my girl. Did you go for the family jewels, too?" She giggled and nodded.

"And my ass," I said, grimacing at the memory.

"Wait. There was glass on the sidewalk?" Charlie asked. He looked up at me and waited for me to answer.

"No. There was some in the alley I ran into," I clarified.

"You chased him into an alley!"

Uh oh.

"Yes," Bella mumbled.

"That was pretty stupid," I said firmly.

Now that I thought about it, it had been really stupid of her to chase me into the alley. If I had been a real assailant, I shuddered to think of what could've happened to her.

"I totally agree with Edmund on this," Charlie said.

"Edward," Bella automatically corrected.

"Bella, he's right," I said. "You really shouldn't be chasing thieves into alleys."

She glared at me, making my poor cock twitch. I started to think that Bella had my cock hardwired so that she'd be able to control it. One look and I was ready to jump her.

Gah. Not in front of the gun-toting father.

"What would you have done if I hadn't chased you?" Bella asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I would've sent the purse back to you. By mail of course."

"Ah, but we were supposed to meet later," she said, cocking her eyebrow.

"God, that would've been embarrassing."

Charlie chuckled. "What I'd like to know is if you'd ever do it again?" He looked at Bella and then at me.

"Nope," Bella and I said in unison.

"I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast, Bells," Charlie said as she led him to the door. Charlie had spent the last hour interrogating me. For some reason I felt that it wasn't over. He had asked about past relationships, my family, and my intentions for school and my future.

"Need a ride, Edward?" Charlie asked. Oh fuck. What the hell was I supposed to say?

_Nope, sorry I'm planning on spending the night with your daughter?_

Fuck no. I wanted to keep my dick in place and not on this man's prize wall of hunting trophies.

"Goodnight, Dad," Bella said, tiptoeing to kiss her father's cheek. She made to close the door, but Charlie held his hand up to stop it.

"Bells," he said, his gaze burning into my skull before looking at his daughter. _Oh God._

Bella's eyes widened and started to glisten. Her bottom lip quivered just as one lone tear fell from her reddened eyes.

"Fine," Charlie spat. He leveled his glare on me and used two fingers to give me the universal sign for "I'll be watching you," before he slammed the door behind him.

Bella grinned when she turned to face me. "Works every time."

"Bella, I don't want you to get into trouble with your dad because of me."

"I'll start trouble only if it's necessary," she quipped. "Besides, it's fun to see you sweat." She stood on the tips of her toes and planted a sweet kiss on my lips. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her.

"Would you like to stay tonight?" she asked, her eyes wide and warm. I nodded, pulling her off her feet to meet my lips again. She giggled, her toes dangling off the ground. I laughed against her lips before pulling away. "We should go to bed if I'm planning to cook for –" she said, pausing for less than a second "– ten people."

I yawned in total agreement.

We were settling for bed, and I was suddenly nervous. I knew we weren't going any further; I was alright with that. We were both just getting to know each other, and sleeping together so soon could ruin what we had already.

I wasn't about to give this up.

"Um, I don't have anything to sleep in," I said stupidly as Bella came out of her bathroom. I heard her mumble incoherently and blush beautifully.

Oh shit – my boxers.

"I'm sorry, Bel…la," I stuttered. "I didn't mean anything by doing that."

She nodded, quickly looking away. She went to her dresser and pulled out a pair of men's gym shorts.

"They're an old pair I stole from my dad years ago," she said. "They should fit you."

I took them and went into the bathroom to change. I looked up where I'd left my boxers, and there beside them was a pair of tiny white panties.

Oh fuck. I groaned, hardening instantly.

Then I heard Bella laughing at the door. "Payback," she said through the door. "There's an extra toothbrush in the drawer."

"Tease," I called out before brushing my teeth.

I walked out of the bathroom, not sure what to expect Bella's nighttime wear to be. Part of me was wished for more tiny underwear, the leather corset or dared I wish – naked.

I stifled a groan and adjusted my damn wicked cock at the lurid thoughts.

I ran my hands over my face as I saw Bella removing some pillows and pulling the comforter back. She was in nothing but a grey thin-strapped camisole and shorts that looked like underwear.

This was going to be a long night.

I gulped and stalked forward, pulling her against my chest. "You're testing my willpower, Bella." She wiggled against me, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from groaning out loud.

"Time for bed," she said.

"I'm going to grab a bottle of water," I said, pulling away from her. "Need anything?"

She shook her head.

I trudged downstairs, and I could have sworn I had seen the front door closing. I quickly went to check and saw Charlie's Porsche pulling away.

Oh fuck. Had he come back in the house while Bella and I had been upstairs?

I shook the thought and quickly locked up, checking all the windows. I went into the kitchen and finished half of a bottle of water before placing it back in the fridge.

I noticed something on the counter that hadn't been there earlier. I stopped cold when I realized that there were two empty shotgun shells and one bullet. I picked up one of the shells, and etched on the side was the name "Mike," the other "Eric".

Oh fuck. Was Papa – Trigger Happy – Swan trying to tell me something? I picked up the bullet, all the tiny hairs on my neck standing, as I turned the bullet in my fingers.

_Edward._

I gulped, and then I heard soft footsteps come from foyer. "Edward? What's taking you so long?" She walked in and cocked her head, looking all the more breathtaking in the dim light of the fridge. "Oh." She smiled and shook her head. "He does that with anyone that shows the tiniest bit of interest in me." She took the bullet from me and laughed.

"Who are Eric and Mike?"

"Eric was someone that broke my heart when I was nine," she said with a bit of chuckle. "Mike is one of his deputies that tried to put the moves on me last month."

I growled and pulled her against me. I kissed her long and deep. She pulled away to breathe, smiling. "Are you jealous?"

I nodded sheepishly.

She smiled wider. "No worries. Eric is currently in London with his boyfriend. And Mike was transferred to Alaska."

My eyes widened. "Did your dad have something to do with Mike's transfer?"

Bella shrugged. "Most likely, but he denies it."

"Should I be worried?" I asked, taking the bullet with my name on it from her hand.

"Don't worry," she said sweetly. "I'll protect you."

I rolled my eyes and wiggled my eyebrows playfully. I quickly swept her in my arms and threw her over my shoulder. I slapped her ass, my cock just loving that, and by the moan I elicited from Bella, she seemed to like it, too.

_That_ was going to have to be explored later. I climbed the stairs, laughing the whole way up as Bella's hands clung to my waist. I threw her on the bed and pounced on her.

"May I kiss you goodnight, Bella?" I asked. She bit her lip and nodded. I gave her my best smile, my lips hovering over hers before I placed a gentle kiss on them.

What I hadn't been expecting was her reaction.

She moaned, her chest rose to press against mine, and her limbs wrapped around me. Oh, fuck me. I groaned and deepened the kiss, sucking on her exquisite tongue. It looked like I was going to get another chance to blow a load.

Surprisingly, my shoulder companions hadn't said a peep since Charlie had arrived earlier.

**Edward's Mini Devi (aka Dev) POV**

**Atop of Bella's shoulders**

"Damn, Angel," I said. " And I thought Edward had a dirty mind." I panted just as Edward started to move his hips against Bella's. With her ankles locked behind his back, he was able to thrust against her harder.

"Innocent little girl, my wings," Angel huffed. "We should just head back to Edward, since we're safe for now."

"For now," I said in agreement.

"Though I must admit the shotgun shells were a bit overdramatic," Angel said, grabbing a hold of my arm, ready to take flight.

"Tell that to my shorts."

"TMI, Dev."

"What? Like you didn't lose a few feathers," I said as I landed on Edward's shoulder.

Bella moaned softly as Edward's hands caressed her tits over her camisole. My eyes were glued to the delicate curve of her neck as my boy's lips sucked on her skin.

"He's going to leave a mark on her," Angel said as he swiped sweat off his brow.

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders. "So what?"

"Charlie, remember?"

Oh fuck.

I started waving my arms around widely to get Edward's attention, but he was too busy enjoying what he was doing.

"Breakfast is going to be interesting tomorrow," Angel said.

"If the boy makes it through breakfast," I grumbled.


	10. Note 2

**AN: **

**I replacing the note that was originally here. It was basically a note that told everyone that I was sick, really sick and apologizing for my absence. It was old, and since I still get reviews asking about my health I wanted to remove it since I'm fine. But I found out if you remove the chapter like that, that it messes up your chapters, and people might not be able to review new chapters. **

**Also I'd like to say thanks to those, while I was ill, said all those wonderful things. Your prayers helped, I have no doubt about that. **

**Hope you're enjoying the story so far.**

**Thanks, **

**Ericastwilight- fanfiction**


	11. ETA Six Minutes

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Ten – ETA Six Minutes**

* * *

**Betaed by Stratan**

* * *

**Edward **

I was aware of my surroundings, very aware, but my dreams were filled with visions of Bella, so I didn't want to wake up yet. I felt a warm body beside me stirring. The movement made my lower body alert to her presence. I hissed when warmed skin grazed my morning erection. A sweet giggle filled my ear, and I couldn't help the smile that tugged on my lips.

"Good morning," I mumbled, nuzzling my nose into Bella's hair. She gave me a similar greeting, made more pleasurable with her playful bites on my lips.

"Time to get up, sleepyhead," Bella whispered against my neck. Her soft lips teased the skin there, her teeth following suit.

I moaned and my arms instantly wrapped around her waist. Her camisole rode up her back, and my fingers encountered smooth skin; so soft and warm. "I'm already up," I said, my voice raspy with desire and sleep.

The evil mini-me on my shoulder ogled Bella luridly, thrusting his hips. The angel on my left, (when did they switch shoulders?), was cowering behind his wings, mumbling. It hadn't escape my notice that Angel's halo was crooked and his hair was a wild disarray on top his head. I wondered briefly if my more angelic part of me had crossed to the dark side.

"Edward," Bella said, her lips curling against my moistened skin.

"Yeah," I groaned as her thigh grazed me again.

"May I touch you?" she asked sweetly.

_Oh sweet Jesus. Was she trying to kill me? _I could almost hear the little guys on my shoulders answering Bella's question.

**Dev**

"Why of course you can touch me. For that matter, if you don't mind, please remove your top so I can fondle your tits," I said, licking my lips and my tail wrapped itself possessively around Bella's waist.

**Angel**

"Touch me?" I questioned, confused by the look in Bella's eyes. "Oh, would you like to help me off the bed so we could pray?" I smiled brightly at Bella, but the way she bit her lip told me she wasn't thinking about kneeling for the same reason I was.

**Edward**

I was torn, but the answer quickly left my lips without another thought the moment her lips sucked gently on my neck. "Ye…yes," I stammered, taking in a shuddering breath.

"Thank you," she whispered. _My sweet angel, I should be thanking you. _Bella's delicate hand ran over my chest, my eyes rolling closed, reveling from her touch. A fingernail traced over each of my nipples and each rib, before it circled my navel. I groaned as her fingertips teased the waistband of the shorts. With a touch as light as moth's wings, her hand ran over my cock.

Her touch was both excruciating and wonderful at the same time. "I really like you, Edward," Bella said thickly, her fingertip teasing the head of my erection. I was a bit embarrassed that I had already left a moist spot where she touched. Luckily, she didn't seem to mind.

"Bella," I said huskily. "I really like you, too." I moaned when the palm of her hand pressed more fully against me. "So much."

"Edward, may I touch you, _skin to skin_?" her tone was playfully sweet at first. The husky tone her voice had become at the end of that question. made her even more alluring.

"Please," I pleaded, ready to get on my knees to beg for more.

Bella shifted, and then she hovered above me. Her hair curtained around my face as her lips descended on mine. She straddled my thigh, her warmed skin moist against me. I groaned, and the sound was lost in her sweet mouth. I bucked my hips, lost to the sensations of her hands on my body. Her fingers traced the contours of my hips, before pulling my shorts down with an impatient tug. My hands were busy caressing her back and moving to assist her.

"Please," I repeated. Last night we only touched above clothing, but we still managed to find release quickly. Though I wanted to savor every intimate moment with her, my cock was insisting on some one-on-one time with Bella's hand.

I whimpered as her warm hand tentatively took a hold of my cock. "Show me," she whispered against my lips. I had to bite the inside of my cheek from professing my love for her. From the moment her brown eyes met mine in that dingy alley yesterday, I was hers.

**Dev**

I was panting, howling like a wolf as I watched Eddie wrap his hand over hers.

"I can't watch this," Angel hissed, his hands running through his hair roughly. He knocked his halo off his head, cursing angelically as he retrieved it.

"Come on," I said with a big ass grin on my face. "Live a little."

"No." Angel pouted and turned his back on the scene before us.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked, curious to his sudden somber mood. "It seems like you have a stick further up your ass."

Angel turned to glare at me and it was downright sinister. Damn, never knew he had it him. "What's the matter?" he hissed. "Look where I am. I'm sitting on his left shoulder and not his right."

I shrugged. "Who cares?"

Angel shook his head. "His feelings for Bella may not be pure or genuine."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Angel said softly. "If he wants more from her, they need to slow down."

I nodded because he was right. It was hard to think when a gorgeous girl was currently sucking on your neck, and giving you a superb hand job. "Wanna trade places?"

Angel looked at me and shrugged. "This part of Edward already loves Bella for who she is."

"Doesn't mean that this part of him doesn't," I spat, suddenly angry that he thought so little of me.

"The boy has been thinking with that certain male organ since they met," Angel argued.

"Maybe," I started, having trouble concentrating as Bella's thumb brushed over the tip of Eddie's cock. "But his dreams say something differently."

"How so?"

"He dreamed of them window shopping, cooking together and about what they would do on their first real date."

Angel looked thoughtful for a moment and smiled. "It looks like this part of Edward is trying to tell him something through his dreams."

I grinned. "Though I did sneak in there and had him fingering her at the movies."

Angel laughed and shook his head, only slightly repulsed. "He is a man."

"A horny one."

"Yes, not that I blame him," Angel said thoughtfully. "She is quite beautiful."

"Inside and out," I said, pleased that my friend was more himself. His halo sat perfectly perched on his head, his youthful glow more apparent.

"Dev," he said, with a smug smile on his face. "You're growing up." I scowled and gave him the finger. He howled in laughter – asshole.

**Edward**

"Bella," I groaned as her mouth moved more urgently on my chest. "Slow down." I stilled my hand over hers, her grip tightening around my cock.

"Sorry," she mumbled, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "I just want more."

I stopped her then, wondering why she had so much enthusiasm. "Bella, you have, um, masturbated before, right?" Was last night the first time she climaxed?

She bit her lip as more color enflamed her cheeks. "No," she mumbled.

I sighed and pulled her closer, her eyes leaving mine. No wonder she had been eager to keep going. "Bella," I said slowly. I hitched my shorts over my hips to concentrate on the beautiful girl before me. Damn, I must have willpower. "I can understand where you're coming from, but I don't want you to think that's all I want from you."

She looked up at me from under her long lashes, and I could see a hidden fear there. "That's not all I want from you either," she whispered.

"Then maybe we need to slow down. We've only known each other for a day."

"Okay," she mumbled, pouting. I laughed and pulled her on top of me. "May we finish what I started at least?" She shifted uncomfortably, her backside pressing against me.

I chuckled. "Hell, yeah."

~oOo~

After a quick shower alone, I drove to my apartment, using Bella's truck. I changed quickly and picked up the bottle of orange juice she had asked for.

I was a bit nervous because I had no idea what I was in store for. Not only was I going to be spending some time with Charlie, but with the rest of Bella's family. We hadn't discussed Bella's mother Renee in detail, but I knew that she had lost her at the tender age of twelve.

I do know that Renee's death coincided with Bella's sudden departure from the spotlight. Thirty minutes later, Bella had me flipping pancakes as she worked two skillets filled with country potatoes and bacon.

"I'm curious about how you met Alice and Emmett," I said aware that it was never brought up before.

Bella sighed and chuckled, stirring the contents of the pan. "Well, did they tell you about that time they got stuck in the elevator for over two hours?"

I nodded, remembering the story. My eyes widened. "You're her!"

Bella nodded and laughed. "Yes, I helped deliver David Horatio Thomas to the world in that elevator."

I laughed out loud. "Alice said that you had to sweet talk the woman to help. She didn't believe you knew anything about delivering a baby."

"Technically, I didn't, but I was premed before I changed my major."

"But Alice said you were so calm and collected," I said in awe of the woman beside me.

"I was acting calm," she said thoughtfully. "Emmett was losing his shit in that elevator, so I knew I had to play the part or else he'd pass out first thing."

"He saw everything didn't he?"

Bella shook his head. "No, he was cowering in the corner of the elevator, with his fingers in his ears singing 'Rockstar.'"

I laughed harder, flipping a pancake high in the air. "That's not the story he told Rosalie." I grinned happily.

Bella laughed, rolling her eyes when I told her Emmett's version of that event. "I don't understand why he said he'd never get an elevator with you again."

"Oh, that's because he thinks I'm cursed," Bella said, her voice deepening toward the end.

"Cursed?"

She nodded. "The second time I met him was in an elevator in this apartment building, where Rosalie and Heidi lived."

I nodded and helped her plate the food as she continued. "The elevator stopped again, and we were with another pregnant woman. Luckily her water had just broken."

"That doesn't mean you're cursed," I teased.

"No, but the next time I met Alice was at the mall. We got to talking and stepped into the elevator. It stopped in between floors."

"Fuck, you are cursed then." I pulled Bella in my arms, kissing her neck a couple of times. "Remind me to take you somewhere they have elevators," I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

She slapped my arm playfully, my fingers tickling some of her exposed skin. She was wearing the sweetest summer dress that revealed the expanse of her back. I pinched and ran my fingers until she giggled madly. "You're not wearing a bra with this are you?"

Bella bit her lip and shook her head. Her eyes twinkled with mischief. Oh, she knew exactly what she was doing to me. "Who was you're first kiss?" I asked curiously.

"Peck on the cheek kiss or lips. Or are you talking tongue?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"All of the above."

"Eric was the first kiss on got the cheek. On the lips was on the set of 'Little Miss Dish.' And um, you."

My eyes widened, and I choked back a laugh. She was fucking with me, wasn't she? Tears started to form behind her eyes. Shit, I hadn't held back my laughter well enough.

"What did you expect, Edward?" she said angrily. "I was in college at the age of fourteen. Was I supposed to share that kind of first kiss with an actor?"

I pulled her close to me, her body rigid. "I'm sorry," I said lowly. "I was shocked, that's all. You didn't seem to have little experience when I first kissed you."

"Well, thanks," she grumbled, her arms still on her sides.

"Well isn't this cozy," a female voice said behind us. A tall blonde woman that I recognized as Rosalie's sister stood near the kitchen's doorway, watching us with a smile.

"Heidi," Bella said excitedly. She ran to Heidi, and they gushed over a big ass rock on Heidi's finger. "So did you two set a date?" Bella asked, pulling Heidi further in the kitchen. I continued making pancakes while they talked.

"No. Unfortunately, Emmett and Jasper's prank had us leaving early."

Bella shook her head and rolled her eyes. "That wasn't necessary. Sorry."

Heidi wrapped her arm around Bella's waist and told her to hush. She soon joined in on helping us finish making breakfast. Heidi went into a little more detail of Emmett and Jasper's punishment, which had Bella and me in hysterics.

"…and then Rosalie had them scrubbing with fresh lemon juice and douche water!"

"Oh, God," Bella said, clutching her stomach.

"Damn, I would've paid good money to see them buying that stuff at the store," I mused as I tried to catch my breath.

"That's not all. Rosalie called me last night. Emmett was screaming in the background because the lemon juice stung his –"

"Don't finish that sentence, Heidi!" Emmett growled, glaring at his sister-in-law.

Bella and I tried to contain our laughter, but soon we were on the floor, laughing at this solemn expression.

"I'm so glad I amuse you two," Emmett grumbled.

"Rosalie here?" Heidi asked with a big grin. Emmett grumbled and said she was in the bathroom.

"Already? She just got here," Bella said as I helped her off the floor.

"Yeah, she's like a fucking colander. Everything runs right through her," he said, grabbing a slice of bacon. Bella slapped his hand away and told Emmett and I to set the table.

Heidi and Bella started to whisper as soon as we left the kitchen. "One hundred dollars says they're talking about how big your dick is, Eddie." Emmett grinned and held out his hand.

"I'm not gambling with you," I said firmly. The doorbell rang, and I went to let in Alice and Jasper.

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked, already making her way toward the kitchen. Soon we were all sitting at the table; Charlie blissfully was unable to make it due to work. Everyone happily enjoyed the food while conversations flowed easily.

I smiled at Bella as her hand took mine underneath the table. I could really get used to this. Her small hand felt perfect in mine, so much so, that I couldn't help but kiss it gently.

"Damn you two are so cute," Heidi whispered from across the table.

"Didn't I tell you they'd be perfect for each other," Rosalie said happily, but her brow scrunched noticeably.

"Rosalie," Bella said, immediately standing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rosalie answered, but even I could tell she was lying.

"Where's the pain?"

"You're in pain, baby?" Emmett asked, taking Rosalie's hand in his.

"I'm fine," she stated firmly. "I'm eight months pregnant, so of course my back would hurt." Bella's eyes narrowed, but she nodded. Rosalie exhaled, happy that the attention had been taken off her.

There was a knock on the door, and Bella returned with her father in tow after a couple of minutes.

"Edward," he said, his eyes taking in my fresh clothing. Hopefully, he thought that I hadn't spent the night.

"Sir," I said.

Bella rolled her eyes and raised an eyebrow toward her father. Charlie grumbled under his breath before asking me to call him by his name. I blew a breath of relief, and we all continued eating, conversation once again mingled between everyone.

"…so when Rosalie said to scrub with the lemon juice, I thought she meant all over," Emmett said harshly, shivering at the memory. A few snickers fell from everyone's lips, laughing along with him. Rosalie made to leave the table to head to the bathroom Bella and Alice right behind her.

While Bella and Alice helped Rosalie, likely to talk too, Charlie sat beside Heidi. He glared at me occasionally as I talked with my family and friends. "Edward, did you spend the night?"

The whole table went silent, expect for me. I coughed and spectacularly spat out a piece of bacon onto Emmett's cheek, which he barely noticed because his eyes were darting between Charlie and me.

"I, um…" I stuttered, looking at Jasper for help.

"Yeah he did," he said. _Fucker!_

"Everyone," Bella said, raising her hands in the air as if she was surrendering. "Please stay calm." Alice was leading Rosalie into the dining room slowly.

"Rosalie did you miss the fucking rim?" Emmett asked stupidly. Her answering glare had him cowering in his seat. "What the hell Swan, do you have an elevator in this place?"

"Like it's my fault," Bella hissed just as Rosalie cried out and hunched over.

That caused a number of things to happen at once. Emmett jumped up to his feet and ran toward his wife, but he somehow managed to tuck the tablecloth into his pants and took everything with him. Everyone moved away from the table as dishes, food and silverware clashed onto the floor.

"Any other time that would've been fucking funny as hell," Jasper said, and then proceeded to laugh anyway. Heidi smacked the back of his head before turning her attention to her sister.

"Rosalie," Bella said softly as she knelt down beside her. "I need to know where the pain is and how far apart."

Rosalie huffed and took several deep breaths before answering. "Squirt, I fucking love you, but you are not delivering my baby."

Bella rolled her eyes and managed to hide the hurt quickly. She was right; no one took her seriously, being so young still. "Be that as it may, I still need to know."

"I've had back twinges on and off all morning."

"On and off," Bella repeated. "Dear, those were contractions."

Rosalie's eyes widened and she squeezed Emmett's hand. "That's not how the book said it would happen!" She cried out again, her hand groping her back.

"Dad, call for an ambulance. Tell them she's in her thirty-seventh week, her water broke fully and that her contractions are less than ninety seconds apart." Bella looked up at her father and he cocked an eyebrow, she nodded.

"Fuck its Saturday, traffic is going to be a bitch," Heidi said, holding her sister's hand.

"That's why she needs to get on a flat surface," Bella said. "Okay, Jasper, Emmett, get her on the table." Alice quickly finished removing what had survived from the table.

"Edward, grab some of the pillows in the living room," she instructed. I did as I was told, but internally, I was freaking the fuck out.

The little angel on my shoulders was currently praying, his eyes wide and alert. The devil on the other hand was currently pulling out a fucking pink cigar. I shook my head as I made my way back into the dining room. Emmett was pacing and Jasper stood against the wall muttering under his breath.

"For fuck's sake, Emmett!" Rosalie spat at him. "Go do something productive!"

Bella sighed and tried to stifle a giggle. "Emmett, go grab some towels in the linen closet upstairs. Alice, please get some hot water and ice. There should be a big punch bowl in one of the bottom cabinets." They both left to do their tasks.

"Bella," Rosalie said softly. "Sorry for what I said earlier." Bella nodded and Charlie came back into the room. "Well?"

"They're in route, but there's been an accident on the way here, and it looks like it will be at least ten minutes."

"Fuck," Heidi said as she rubbed Rosalie's shoulders.

A phone rang in another room, which made Bella gasp. "Not now," she said.

"Want me to check, kiddo?" Charlie asked. Bella nodded and returned her attention to Rosalie who sat on the table.

I shouldn't fucking be here, but it was like a traffic accident, you couldn't look away.

"What the hell?" Emmett said from upstairs. Bella's eyes widened and she groaned. Oh fuck, he found the room. We heard Emmett's footsteps as he quickly descended. "Oh, Little Miss Dish," he sang, his arms filled with fluffy white towels.

"Shut it," Bella hissed, glaring at him.

"Not for your life, Bells," he said with a wide-mouthed grin.

"For the love of God, Emmett," Rosalie screamed. "She's about to deliver your daughter!"

"Oh right," Emmett said, a frown now dominating his face. Then the motherfucker started whistling the theme song to Bella's show.

"What did you find?" Jasper asked as he took a few steps closer. As for me, I was walking backwards. This was not something a fucking virgin would want to see. I'd be scarred for life, maybe even become allergic to vaginas.

Angel promptly whispered that witnessing a birth is a beautiful thing. Dev decided to blindfold himself and had his fingers in his ears as he sang loudly and out of tune.

Bella and Heidi helped remove Rosalie's boots, while Alice piled pillows behind her. Emmett kissed her temple and told her she looked beautiful. Rosalie grasped him be the collar of his shirt and roared in his face. "Get this thing out of me!"

Bella then stuck her head under Rosalie's skirt. Normally, upon seeing something like that, I would be hard as a rock. I was not; far fucking from it. I was mortified. What the fuck was she doing down there?

"Okay, your completely effaced, and I'm pretty sure you're crowning," Bella said.

"Can I see?" Emmett asked giddily, like he just gotten midnight show tickets to Avatar.

Heidi took Emmett's place while Bella ripped open Rosalie's skirt. "Oh, fuck! That's worse than Alien Resurrection!" Emmett said, gagging, earning a slap on the back of his head from Heidi.

I took several more steps back. "I'm going to buy lots and lots of condoms. Lots…" I said to myself. Then I felt a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Now, why would you need condoms when you're dating my little girl?" Charlie hissed.

_Oh, fuck_. He walked passed me thankfully and looked at the scene in the dining room. "Baby, I checked with the ambulance. The ETA is six minutes."

"Oh. She doesn't have six minutes," Bella said, her hand stuck under Rosalie's mangled clothing.

"And on the phone was your boss," he sneered. "Said he's sending someone to come get you, ETA is two minutes."

Bella's eyes widened, she looked at everyone around her. Emmett looked bemused and he was still humming her theme song. Rosalie was panting and glaring at her husband.

Jasper cocked his head to the side, looking at the table. "You're gonna have to burn this table now, you know," he said thoughtfully.

Bella's eyes scrunched closed. "Calgon, take me away!" she cried just as the doorbell rang.

* * *

**Dev**

I was debating on whether I should close my eyes and pass the fuck out or look at everything before me. It was a sight to see. Edward was a fucking mess, while I begged him not to look.

I turned to Angel who was looking at Bella thoughtfully. "Poor girl is going to explode." Angel shook his head and sent up a quick prayer.

"Edward isn't too far behind," I said, but smiled. "I have to admit, if fucking breakfast is this exciting I can't wait for dinner theater."


	12. She Does What Now?

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Eleven: She Does What Now?**

* * *

**Betaed by Startan **

* * *

**Edward**

Bella sighed deeply and looked at everyone. I was damn sure she was coming up with a plan because I could literally see the cogs working.

Emmett had a look of amusement on his face, the one that told a person he had some good shit coming. He grinned brightly and turned his gaze to Bella, all while Rosalie wailed in pain. Idiot.

"Wasn't Calgon one of the sponsors for that show Little Miss Dish?" Emmett asked with the look of complete ignorance and innocence on his face.

"I remember that sitcom," Jasper said unaware of Emmett's wicked glee. "Did you say Edward used to run home from school to watch it?"

I groaned and Bella giggled. "Oh really," she said.

"Okay, people!" Rosalie screamed. "Emmett just found out that Bella is a former child-fucking-star. Can we get on with having this baby?"

"Sorry," everyone said in unison.

"I'm pretty sure Edward got his first hard-on from watching Bella on that show," Emmett decided to add.

I groaned again, and I think Charlie fucking growled at me. Angel was a picture of innocence with wide green eyes on my shoulder. Dev on the other hand had a backward facing black cap and was provoking Charlie.

Laughter filled the room for a moment before Emmett screamed like a fucking banshee. "Rosalie!" Somehow, during this exchange, Rosalie managed to kick him in the balls.

Fuck yes. More payback. My boys still hurt from when Bella kicked me. Emmett's eyes rolled and he hissed, holding onto his crotch for dear life. He dropped to his knees in obvious pain. "Do you think we can get back to me, please?" Rosalie cried out.

"Fuck, Rose," Emmett hissed in a falsetto that would make Mariah Carey cry. "How are we supposed to have more babies if you hurt the juice?"

She grabbed him by the ear, bringing him to his feet. "Do you really think I want to have another when I'm in pain right now?" He shook his head stupidly. "Step aside and let Miss Dish deliver our baby!"

"O – okay," he murmured.

Bella started to give out further instructions to Heidi and Alice while Emmett suffered in silence. As for me, I was slowly backing out the room again, like the pussy I was, when the doorbell rang.

Bella's flushed face turned and she gave me a small smile. "Can you get that please?"

I nodded and made my way to the door. The bell rang again impatiently. I opened it swiftly just as Rosalie screamed bloody murder – Emmett's murder. My head snapped toward the dining room, hoping that everything was all right.

"Is Marie Crane here?" a male voice said. I returned my attention to the new arrival and gaped. The man that asked for Bella by her stage name was a few inches shorter than I was, with a blonde crew cut and familiar looking blue eyes. He looked like Steve Urkel's motherfucking twin, with rainbow suspenders, thick glasses and pants that were three inches to short.

Who the fuck was this guy?

"Yes, she is," I said warily. "May I ask who you are?"

He grinned and stuck out his hand, shaking mine eagerly. "I'm James T. Morrison, Bella's boyfriend."

He said what now?

**Dev**

"Let me go, Angel!" I growled as my twin pinned my arms behind me. "She's mine. Mine, mine mine!"

"Clearly," he said firmly. "This boy is mistaken, but we can handle this like gentlemen."

"What I want to do to him is anything but gentle! I want to knock those perfect teeth right out of his mouth. Pow!"

Angel shook his head and tsked me. Then the fucker flicked my ear.

**Edward**

Jealously was a new emotion for me, and one I'd hoped I'd never encounter. Jealously made men do stupid fucking things. For instance, I could see James's grimace as I gripped his hand harshly, yet I took perverse pleasure from it.

"Funny," I hissed. "Since _I'm_ her boyfriend."

He gaped like fish out of water, wincing as I finally released his clammy hand. "No, you're not."

I cocked an eyebrow and felt someone behind me. "Who do we have here?" Charlie said, clasping a hand on my shoulder. I was sure he was feeling me up, his thumb was pressing deep into my neck, or he was trying to perform the Vulcan neck pinch.

"James said he's looking for Marie Crane?"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, sir," James said timidly, his eyes lingering on Charlie's impressive size. "I'm a – her a – boy – friend, sir."

I growled and Charlie's finger increased in pressure. "You wouldn't be the James Morrison that has been Marie's biggest fan, would you?"

James's face brightened and he nodded. "Yes, sir. I'm also the president of her fan club. We have a huge following. All waiting for the day she comes out of retirement."

"Well, come on in," Charlie said, forcing me aside. "I'm sure Edward wouldn't mind a little competition."

I glared at him – that's right, I went there. Fucking hell. "There is no competition, she's with me."

"Well, then, there's nothing for you to worry about is there, Edward," Charlie said lowly as James walked toward the dining room, toward the screams.

"Oh my God," he said just within earshot, and then I heard a thump. Charlie and I made our way back into the room where James laid on the floor in a heap.

"Dad!" Bella hissed. "How could you?"

Charlie grinned. "What? You needed me to scare him off, and now with seeing that," Charlie pointed to Rosalie, "I probably did." I was confused. Charlie laughed and slapped a hand on my back. "According to Bella, he's been following Bella around like a puppy for years. Wouldn't take the hint."

I rolled my eyes and winced when Rosalie cried out again. Damn it to hell, if having babies was that cumbersome I'd wait for at least a decade. Maybe then I could stomach the smell. My stomach rolled, and I tasted the bitter taste of bile in my throat.

I barely made it to the kitchen sink while Alice quickly calmed Bella down, explaining my tolerance level, _or lack thereof_, at seeing blood. If I saw a just a drop, the smell hit my nose, and up comes my meal.

I wiped my mouth clean, went out the other kitchen exit, and headed upstairs for the bathroom. I was a fucking coward for not being about to help Bella out. But fuck, I was not about to see a girl's pussy for the first time in my life while it tried to push something out the size of a large melon. No fucking way.

"Edward! Bring the dental floss," I heard Alice call from downstairs.

I quickly brushed my teeth and gargled, and found the lotion Bella used. I spread some under my nose, getting an instant hard-on. Fuck. I grabbed the dental floss and decided to grow a fucking pair.

I went back into the dining room as the doorbell rang again. Saved by the bell, I thought. I called out for Charlie, tossing him the dental floss. I opened the door, hoping I wouldn't meet some other geeky stalker fan.

Behind the door was something even more surprising, two big dudes in suits. What the fuck? "Isabella Swan," the guy in the grey suit said.

"She's detained," I said. I looked at the pair before me and thought federal. What was Bella doing with government employees?

"We're here to escort her to headquarters, sir," the one in the brown suit said.

"And you are?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm Agent Miller," Mr. Brown suit said.

"I'm Agent Coors," Mr. Grey suit said.

"You're fucking joking, right?" I said in laughter. "Miller and Coors. Did Bella set this up?"

Mr. Coors lips pressed into a thin line. "We don't joke. We're the FBI."

"Yeah, and I'm a fucking vampire that sparkles in the sunlight." I laughed until Mr. Miller pushed me aside. "Hey, asshole."

He glared at me while his fucking butt monkey followed him into the dining room. "I wouldn't go in there if I was you." Too late.

"Next one you push, Rosalie," Bella said. "One more big push."

"Come on, baby," Emmett said. "Come on, baby."

"Sweet Jesus, Emmett," Rosalie said, panting in between breaths. "I'm not a fucking slot machine!"

He grinned and kissed her fully on the mouth. "Almost, baby. We get the jackpot once you push."

James was still on the floor. Dev laughed wickedly, armed with a pair of boxing gloves. Angel was in awe of the scene before us.

"Ms. Swan," Agent Miller said. "We need to get you downtown."

"I'm a little busy, boys," she said, from under a blanket that was draped over Rosalie's lower body.

"It's of an urgent matter, Miss."

"Which case?" she asked just as she motioned for Emmett and Heidi to do something. "On three, okay."

"One," she said. Rosalie growled as Emmett and Heidi each practically folded the poor woman in half, the balls of her feet on the edge of the table. "Two." Rosalie screeched as Bella grabbed something from the table. "Three."

"Marie," James muttered, lifting himself onto his elbows. He looked at the scene again and his eyes rolled back. Well, at least_ I_ don't faint.

Both Rosalie and Emmett were huffing madly because of the pain. Rose likely due to a natural childbirth, and Emmett was because it looked like his fingers were about to break in Rosalie's capable hand.

"That's it, Rose," Bella said, her brow furrowed in concentration. God, she looked beautiful under pressure. Suddenly, there was a strange gurgling noise and shortly afterward a wail. Bella announced it was a girl. She was here.

Rosalie exhaled and looked like she'd been through the wringer. Saturated strands of blonde hair clung to her face and neck as Bella deposited a tiny reddish-pink thing on her chest. Bella mussed over this little person.

"Dental floss," she said, holding out her hand. Charlie placed a strand in her palm. Bella held out her hand again, but this time for a pair of shears. "Emmett, do you want to cut the cord?"

"Yup," he said with a grin. His eyes were wide and bright, kissing Rosalie's cheek and taking the scissors, and then he cut his daughter's umbilical cord. "Oh man that looks like one of the tentacles of the aliens in Independence Day!"

_Smack. _"Ow!" _Smack._" Damn it! That hurts!" _Smack. _"Rosalie!" Emmett wailed, making his daughter crier harder.

Minutes passed, and after I made another trip to the stainless steel sink in the kitchen, everything finally quieted down.

"Now boys, which case do you need me for?" Bella asked as she wiped her hands in a pink towel. _Ugh, weren't those white?_

"He hit the bank you said he would today," Agent Miller said stiffly.

"Didn't get him, did you?" she said, walking toward the hallway to talk in private.

"What the hell is going on here?" I said. Emmett seemed as confused, looking from the agents to Bella and then to me. Then the fucking doorbell rang again.

"Fucking hell!" I said as I threw my hands in the air.

Charlie grinned. "This is just a typical Saturday for Bella," he said, running to the door.

I sighed and contemplated on whether to follow Bella or meet the newest member of our family. Family won out, but only because I was thoroughly confused.

Damn she was a cute baby. Her lips were shaped like her mother's, perfect little arches, like a bow. She yawned, and was covered in some kind of goo that I refused to dwell on. "What are you going to name her, Rose?"

"Marianne Isabella," she said hoarsely. I smiled and told her that I was sure Bella would be honored. Heidi, Alice gushed over the baby and Rosalie.

Jasper, on the other hand, was kicking James in the leg to see if he was still alive. I shrugged my shoulders and told him to throw him outside for all I cared. He grinned and easily picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Something was really nagging me about James, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hey," Emmett said, pulling me aside. "You have one hell of a woman there."

"I know," I said.

"Plus, I think she's a fucking agent or something," he said. He nodded and flashed me a wicked grin. "Hot."

Sudden images of Bella dressed in high heels, a tight black suit, and pulling out a gun from thigh holster had me hard in seconds.

* * *

**Dev**

I looked down at my crotch and noticed that I was ready for some action. This was good to know, considering what I just witnessed. I gave Angel the thumbs up and thrust my hips to let him know that we're all good and fully functioning.

"Do you think she knows how to frisk someone?" I asked, causing Angel to roll his eyes. "What? I've been a bad boy."


	13. Superwoman

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Twelve – Superwoman**

* * *

**Betaed by Stratan**

* * *

**Edward**

I shook the dirty thoughts, considering there was a baby in the room. I heard something nag in the back of my mind. There was something triggering the urge for me to run. Fucking hell. Who was Bella Swan? Aliases included Marie Crane and Isabella Swan aka Secret Agent.

How do I even come up to par with someone like her? I was a smart man, but I didn't have an IQ of 173. Fuck, she had a higher IQ than Albert fucking Einstein.

"Dad," Bella said as Charlie pulled her from the hallway, away from Number 1 and Number 2.

"Don't give me that 'dad' crap, Bells," he spat angrily. Oh, this couldn't be good. "You're consulting on a case where the suspect is fixated on you."

Dev was currently sporting an ear the size of his fist to listen in. Angel had taken up prayer again, on his knees, kissing the rosary around his neck.

Bella pulled her arm from her father's grasp and glared. "The case in currently under investigation, and I'm under direct orders not to discuss the details –"

"Cut the bullshit," he said, taking a step closer to her. She didn't back down, in fact she tiptoed until her eyes were almost level with his.

"I can't discuss the details of the case," she said firmly."You're not supposed to be listening in on my conversations with my associates."

"I will do what I damn please to protect you!" He threw his hands up in frustration and Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum flanked Bella immediately. Charlie glared at Bella's friends and snarled. He was one over-protective father and this added more power to the voice in the back of my head. However, in this case, I agreed with Charlie.

"I'll call in all my favors and pull strings," he threatened. "I don't want you involved in this."

"Dad," Bella said softly. "You have no choice in the matter." She looked at Dumb and Dumber who both nodded simultaneously. "I knew him, Dad." She sighed and her face softened. "He was always second best while we were at MIT together."

"So all those freaky robberies in the Tri-county area have been orchestrated by him?"

Bella nodded and bit her lip nervously. "What the local police don't know is that he leaves messages behind."

Charlie exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. "Messages for you."

"Not a first, until I was asked to work on the case. The next bank he was going to hit we had a team in place. He figured out that I was consulting."

"Damn it," Charlie said angrily. "Can't they get anybody else?"

Bella shook her heard. "It's my work that was able to predict his next few hits and decipher his messages." Was this genius doing this to outsmart my girlfriend?

"I have to go," she said to her father. Charlie's stance was firm in front of her, as if he was waiting for more information.

The front door banged open, Jasper and James came in ushering the paramedics. The whole time the rest of us in the dining room had remained quiet to watch Bella and her father argue.

Then the room erupted again. Baby Marianne started wailing which automatically made Bella forget Miller and Coors and turn her attention back to Rosalie and the baby. She started spewing a fuck load of medical terms to which the EMT stared at her as if she had two heads.

While Rosalie was strapped to the stretcher, Emmett stood by James who was staring at Rosalie and Heidi as if they were ghosts.

"Jamie," Heidi whispered her eyes on James.

Then I remembered why his eyes looked so damn familiar. One look into either Rosalie or Heidi's eyes and you could easily see the resemblance. They all had the same noses, hair color and striking blue eyes.

I remembered from the many talks between Rosalie and me that she had lost her parents at a very young age. Her sister Heidi was only sixteen at the time while Rosalie was only four, and their baby brother was only eighteen months old when they died. They all went to separate homes. Both Rosalie and her sister were able to find each other since their adoptions were open. Their brother's was not.

"James," Bella said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Please take off the ridiculous outfit. I agreed to play along for you to explore your upcoming role but this –" she motioned to his attire. "Is crazy."

James seemed to snap out of it and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Damn you, girl," he said cheerfully. "You gave me away." Bella smiled and then looked over at Rosalie and Heidi.

"I'm sorry," Bella said softly, looking at each of their faces. "I was planning on telling you, the DNA tests I secretly had done are coming in tomorrow."

Heidi's mouth gaped and poor Rosalie wiped tears from her eyes. "Bella wasn't expecting me to show up," James said. "Somehow I knew. I shouldn't remember, but I do."

"What's your name?" Rosalie said, stopping the paramedics from taking her.

"James Alexander Collier," he said. "My father passed recently, and I hadn't known I was adopted until then. They told me I had two sisters, but –." He sighed and ran his hand over his face as if he was nervous. "We'll talk later." He took Rosalie's hand for a moment. "You have plenty to take care of."

Rosalie nodded and gave permission to the paramedics to proceed. Emmett stayed behind for a moment, looking who could possibly be his brother-in-law.

"So you're not a nerd?" Emmett asked. There were a few laughs, and then Rosalie screeched for Emmett to hurry the fuck up.

There was a beat of silence before everyone turned to Bella. She gave everyone a half smile. She told us that Charlie had started to look for James after the girls asked him to help a few months ago. She explained that she met James in theatre, and instantly recognized his eyes. After confirming that he'd been adopted, she investigated further. She hadn't planned to tell Rosalie and Heidi until she was sure James was their brother.

"I'm sorry," she whispered once she was done. Heidi squeezed her shoulder as she passed, taking James' hand to lead him to the living room for privacy.

Coors cleared his throat. "Ms. Swan, we have to get going." Bella nodded and looked down at her dress, blushing.

"Give me five minutes." She held out her hand for me, and I automatically grasped it. Charlie flinched but said nothing as she led me up to her room. I remained quiet. I had nothing to say, but I had millions of fucking questions. I just couldn't get them to come out.

Dev had taken to praying, kneeling beside Angel. I couldn't understand the need to pray at a moment like this and decided to ignore them.

Bella walked over to her closet, leaving me beside her bed. I heard drawers slam closed, and I heard the unmistakable sound of her sniffle.

She was crying. Why was she crying?

Dev sat on my shoulder shrugging his shoulders, confused. Angel was shaking his head, wondering why I hadn't gone to her. Okay, I guess I'm not ignoring them.

What was wrong with me? I was frozen where I stood because… fuck if I knew. Would I ever be good enough? A sob escaped the half-closed door of Bella's door, and I remained paralyzed in fear.

The closet door slammed back against the hinges and her pretty hair was down, cascading over her shoulders. The look of determination and anger made her look so damn strong, but her eyes were rimmed with red. What was wrong with me?

"Say something," she said firmly.

"I – don't," I muttered, still lost in the chaos of the morning.

"Damn it!" she spat angrily. "Another one too fucking intimidated by who I am." She threw on something over a black lacy bra.

Dev banged on a large ornate gong, alerting me that Bella had been standing in nothing but panties and a bra for a full minute, and I failed to notice.

"What do you mean?" I said, fumbling over my words.

She sighed, her facial features and stance softened. "They all leave. Any friends I've ever had – all leave me," she said, her voice small and soft.

"Why?"

Dev and Angel were both flailing their arms, warning me that this is something I shouldn't push.

"They freak out on how smart I am," she said, slipping into a grey pleated skirt. "My responsibilities and priorities, I guess. People my age haven't done the things I've done."

My stupid fucking mouth should've stayed shut, but it didn't. "People twice your age haven't done all you've done."

Her bottom lip trembled, but she quickly reigned in her emotions. "Yes, that's probably true. I think that's why Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie have stuck around. They're older. They understand me more."

I shook my head. "What are you trying to say, Bella?"

She sighed and grabbed a fitted jacket that matched her skirt, pulling it on. "That I'll understand if you're not here when I get back." She bit her lip, averting her eyes to step in a pair of high heels.

"I –" I have no idea what to say.

She shrugged and wiped at her eyes again. "Like I said, most are intimidated. I'm used to it." As she said this, I could see how much losing friends hurt her, and there I was, acting like a fucking idiot.

She looked up at me, running a small hand through her hair. She cocked her head to one side, her lip still in between her teeth. "You know all this is just who I am. I'm not Superwoman or perfect. I'd never claimed to be, because I wouldn't want to be perfect, it would make me less human. I hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe. I still get sick before opening night. I hog the covers, as you already know. I also snort every time I laugh. I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth. Despite all that, I'm still an eighteen-old-girl falling in love for a beautiful boy."

The silence is deafening after her speech, and when I said nothing again, she closed the distance between us. She took my face in her hands and pressed a sweet, soft kiss on my lips.

"I understand, Edward," she repeated. "We'll move on and pretend that the past twenty-four hours hadn't happened." She shrugged and shook her head. "Or else when our families get together it would be weird."

My mouth and brain are refusing to fucking work together. I have to be in shock or something. A tear falls from one of her eyes, and before it has a chance to reach her jaw – she was gone.

* * *

**Dev**

Okay, I don't blame Edward for considering flouncing. Bella had a very chaotic and complicated life, and she was way out of his league.

What I do blame him for is letting that poor girl walk away. Leaving with the thought that he wouldn't be there when she'd come home. I looked over at Angel; his feathers were falling from his white glittered wings. He's falling apart, which meant that so was Edward.

I cackled and rubbed my hands together. I reached into my back pocket, pulling out my trusty bazooka. It was up to me to wake these idiots up.


	14. Sorry

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Thirteen—Sorry**

* * *

**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

**Edward**

The door slammed closed behind Bella, the sound instantly making me alert and very aware. Ringing in my ear had me shaking my head to dispel it. On top of that, Dev was blowing the smoke off the end of his bazooka with a smug grin. Fucker.

I was now aware that I just let a beautiful, young woman, that just shown me her vulnerability, leave. She left thinking she wasn't good enough.

In all her intelligence, beauty, and strength, it was all a cover for lay beneath. She was lonely. She was an impressionable woman, who believed that because of her smarts, she was unlovable.

Fucking hell! What was I still doing here?

My legs were so numb that I fell, catching myself inches before my face became acquainted with Bella's hardwood flooring. I grumbled while I stood up, and heard footsteps bounding up the stairs.

Bella's bedroom door slammed opened, almost comically slamming back closed by the force of its swing. James stopped the door before it had a chance.

"Dude! What the fuck are you still doing here?" James' face was flushed with anger as his fists clenched on his sides. It looked as if he really wanted to hit me.

Dev started to assemble a boxing ring and had it erected in seconds. Meanwhile, Angel changed into a suit and held a microphone.

"_Let's get ready to rummmmbbbble!"_

I coughed to clear my throat. "I'm on my way out," I said firmly, keeping my eyes from James. Not in fear, but of shame for what I had done; hurting Bella.

"You don't understand, man," James said. "The last time she was mad at me she refused to talk to me. Her grudge was so deep that she went on stage and performed her part in our mutual scene in sign language!"

My eyes widened. "You're kidding me?"

"No, I'm not." James ran his hand through his hair. "Get down there and explain that you're a fucking pansy or something. Or else you'll never see her again."

I nodded and scrambled past him. Once I hit the landing, I took three steps at a time to get down the stairs faster. I wasn't moving fast enough because I could see out the front window that Bella was already half-way down the driveway with Coors and Miller.

Damn it. Desperate to close the distance as quickly as possible, I grabbed the railing and I jumped over and landed in the foyer.

From the doorway, Charlie let out a little whoop and chuckle while I rubbed my ass. It still stung from when Bella kicked me less than a day ago. I ran for the door, not bothering to close it behind me.

"Bella!" I called out for her. "Bella, wait!" I stumbled once on a lip of stone path that led to the front of her house.

She turned to face me, her hands on her hips and a steely glare in her eyes. Fuck, she was pissed.

"I have nothing left to say to you," she said firmly, turning away from me.

"Will you—" I grabbed her arm, but I was met with a blow to my stomach. "Fuck." My breath me for a moment, but I didn't let it stop me. "Wait, let me talk to you." She tried to hit me again but I grabbed hold of both of her wrists. What I didn't expect was her knee.

"Fuck!"I groaned because she managed to catch my thigh—thankfully. My boys couldn't take much more abuse. A part of me—the part controlled by my dick and Dev had me hoping that Bella would massage them better later.

She pulled away until I released her wrists. "Don't think for one second you can manhandle me. I'll have you know Charlie insisted on karate lessons since I was four."

"Sorry," I said as I tried to show her I'd back off.

"I'm leaving," she said and marched to the car in spectacular fashion. Damn it, she looked all hot and shit in her tight skirt, causing my cock to stand at half-mast.

Not wanting to let her go without having my say, I grabbed her arm again. Big mistake. She cursed and flung another fist in my direction.

Good thing I'd also had lessons since I was six. I defended myself and the shock in her eyes only a lasted a second before delivering another blow. I blocked it again.

"Ow!" I screeched, holding my hands up defensively. "Damn it woman! Will you—" I grabbed hold of her shoulders before she caused permanent damage to my body. Somehow, I managed to save my balls by blocking the direct line of her knee. I huffed and pulled her closer, tightening my grip so she'd have nowhere to move.

"You just stood there!" she screamed as she tried to wiggle away from me. This was doing nothing to dispel the monster hard-on I was sporting. All that softness pressed against me, writhing.

"Just shock, Bella," I whispered, kissing her cheek. I nuzzled her hair. "I didn't mean to hurt you." My fingers splayed across her back, loosening to show that I trusted her. "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I want you to be there beside me." I continued to hold her, her harsh breaths slowing. After several tense moments, she relaxed in my embrace, her lips pressed against my neck—a gesture of peace.

"Is there a problem here?" I heard Charlie ask behind us. I cringed as Bella giggled, putting her hand over the bulge in my pants. Evil woman!

Dev was salivating and thrusting his hips to get more contact. Angel was currently looking over a website on exorcism. Apparently, he thought Bella was a devil in disguise sent to torment me.

I couldn't find it in me to care, not with her hands rubbing against my cock.

Bella looked over my shoulder and smiled. She shook her head and kissed me once more. "I'll be back late. There's a copy of my house key in a kitchen drawer. Think about all that you saw today, because you'll have to get used to it. I live a fast track life, and I'm sure it would never change. If you're not here, I'll understand, Edward."

While she said all this, her hand was still rubbing against me. Damn, she had a good rhythm going, and I was going to explode in just another minute.

"I'll be here," I said, trying to keep the huskiness out of my voice. I really wanted to moan aloud and confess my cock's devotion to her. However, Charlie was right behind us. I wasn't in the mood to get my ass shot or worse. My eyes fluttered closed as her pace increased.

"Payback's a bitch," Bella whispered, her breath just adding to all the stimulation. Then she stopped! I was ready to grab her and hump her leg at this point. My eyes snapped open to find hers looking all smug and proud.

I grabbed her hand, trapping it between our bodies. "That was a very bad thing to do," I hissed. "How do you think Daddy will react to what you were just doing to me?"

She had the audacity to look sweet and innocent. Oh, she was good. Dev was sporting a collar and nothing else, and "Bella's Bitch" tattooed across his chest. Angel was arming himself with holy water, a video camera, and a tattered bible.

"We can ask him." She had this smile on her face, one that had me wanting to kiss it and equally wipe it from her lips. I settled for kissing it off. My kiss must've shocked her, because I had her moaning in surprise. Yes! Charlie decided to make his presence known again by clearing his throat, so when I pulled away, Bella was pouting.

"Dad, you're cramping my style," she said with a glare over my shoulder.

"I'm just trying to keep your virginity intact for a while longer, Bells." I released Bella, adjusting myself discreetly. There was no need to have her that close while Charlie is talking about Bella's sex life. That's just wrong!

"Not for long," Bella said in a singsong voice. My eyes widened when I heard those words. I didn't dare look back at Charlie.

Bella stood on her tiptoes and kissed me sweetly. I gave her a glare that had her smiling as if she didn't just leave me hanging. Worse, she was leaving me with Charlie after confessing that her virginity wouldn't remain intact much longer.

That alone had my mini me's both high-fiving and praying.

"See you later?" Bella sounded unsure again. To alleviate her worries, I pulled her close and hugged the hell out of her. She sighed. I released her reluctantly, tempted to slap her bottom. I was sure Charlie would kill me, so I refrained. She climbed into the car and waved with a small smile. I watched until it disappeared around the corner.

I was biding my time, and I hoped it would allow my cock to settle down. After a minute, I turned to face my execution.

Charlie's glare was lethal, boring into my eyes until my knees shook. His massive arms crossed over his chest, his stance defensive.

"I think you'll be good for her," he said, surprising the hell out of me. "She leads a full life, one that most adults wouldn't be able to handle. She needs someone to balance her life." I nodded not sure what I could say. "That's not to say that I wouldn't kill you if you hurt her."

I nodded again, because I already knew he'd kill me.

"I know she can't stay my little girl forever. I just want you to sit back and think about what's to come. If you two jump into bed together so soon after meeting, you might not yet be ready for the emotional aspect of it. Bella is a very emotional person, has been since she was a child. You'd be her first, and in her mind, her only."

I was only twenty-one years old, almost twenty-two. Despite my youth, I knew one thing was certain and that was Bella.

"The very thought of her with someone else makes me sick. We have a connection, it's not just physical, sir." I ran my hands through my hair and smiled. "She knows what I'm thinking, it's so strange but exhilarating. I've never met someone like her. And I haven't been with anyone else." I felt the heat of my face reach an alarming rate.

His eyebrow rose in disbelief. "You're a good looking kid."

"Why thanks, Charlie." I must've looked smug or like a jerk.

"Don't be a smartass," he huffed. I mumbled an apology quickly. "What I'm trying to say is I find it hard to believe."

I sighed and started to walk toward the house, my hard-on now subsided. "The hair was Alice's doing just last month. I had it parted and it looked greasy according to her. My braces I just got them removed about three months ago. The clothes I'm wearing that was also Alice. As for my build, its all thanks to Jasper and Emmett for pushing me to go to the gym. I got contacts and Proactiv."

Charlie was laughing. "Classic Bella, for her to fall for a nerd."

I grinned. "Is it really?"

"Yeah, on the set of Little Miss Dish, she had a crush for the producer, a big ass dweeb."

"Oh, that's adorable. How old was she?" I could just picture her Shirley Temple brown curls, smiling with glazed eyes at her crush.

"Almost five," Charlie said. "She had a wedding dress picked out by the end of the first season. We even had a mock wedding ceremony written into the show, he was really sweet about it."

I laughed at that. I remembered that episode, and she was so cute. It was strange to remember that I watched Bella literally grow up on television.

We entered the house, and the smell was terrible. Blood tinged the air in Bella's house. Charlie groaned. "I'm calling the cleaning company for my precinct, they'll handle the blood. You better pack a bag for her."

"Why?"

"She won't be able to stay here," he said thoughtfully, walking slowly toward the dining room.

"Would she stay with you?"

"Hell no," Charlie said frowning. "She'd have my head if I suggested it. She'll have to stay at a hotel. She'd never want to intrude on couples."

"Oh." I was just about ready to make the suggestion for her to stay with me, but Dev was waving his arms telling me not to do it.

"I'll send her a text," Charlie said as he pulled out his phone. "Do you mind taking her bag to the hotel? I have to stick around for the cleaning crew."

"No, of course not," I said. "I'll just go pack a bag." I ran up the stairs quickly, hoping not to alert to Charlie that I intended to stay with Bella at the hotel, if she'd have me.

I found a small suitcase at the bottom of her closet and pulled it out. I laid it open on the bed, when my cell phone alerted me to a text. I checked it and found it was from Bella.

**Charlie said you'll be taking my bag to the hotel.**

I responded instantly.

_Yes, I am. Would you like anything specific?_

**Yes, top right drawer, the purple ones.**

Curious, I walked over to her dresser and pulled the drawer open. It was filled with silk and lace. I gulped and found the only deep purple panties I could find. I was hard again—fuck.

My phone rang suddenly, and I knew it was her, so I answered with a husky tone.

"Edward," she said in a low tone. "I can't talk long."

"Um, I found the purple ones," I said breathlessly, still holding the bits of lace and silk. "Anything else?"

"Yes, in the bathroom there is a small travel bag already filled with what I need. It's in the bottom drawer on the left."

"Okay. Don't you need clothes?"

"For tonight, I don't." I could almost hear the taunt in her voice. I groaned and her laughter told me it was what she was going for. "Just grab a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers. Socks are in the closet, you'll find them easily. Thanks for doing this."

"No problem."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then I will stay with you," I said with a big cheesy smile. All the while, I was throwing things into her bag as instructed.

"One more thing," Bella said hesitantly. She didn't elaborate so I thought she might've been embarrassed for some reason.

"Anything," I said.

"Can you grab the small purple bag in the medicine cabinet?"

I opened the medicine cabinet. "The purple bag?"

"Yes, it should be on the bottom shelf inside."

All the blood rushed from my face to my cock when I realized to what she was referring. She wanted me to pack her fucking fingertip vibrator.

All of the sudden I pictured Bella in all her naked glory playing with herself, allowing me to watch. I was starting to think that I was a teenager, my hand of its own volition rubbed my erection.

Dev started laughing uncontrollably as I came in my fucking pants—again.


	15. Surprises

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Fourteen—Surprises**

* * *

**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

How was I going to get downstairs without Charlie noticing my predicament? Fuck! I heard Bella calling out my name from the tiny speaker in my phone.

I picked up and nearly growled at her—she was laughing.

"Did you just…?"

"What the hell do you think?" I managed to grab a towel and clean up as best as I could.

Then Bella moaned. Jesus H fuckity Christ, was she trying to kill me? The woman didn't need to a license to fucking kill, because all those little sounds she made would drive any man insane.

"I wish I was there with you," her tone was breathy and had me gripping the vanity in an attempt to keep my knees from buckling. "It wasn't my intention, you know. I just thought since we both decided to wait, that we could at least explore some of the things we've done already. That's why I wanted you to bring it."

The thought of her hands on me again had my cock twitching. "I wish you were here with me, too."

"I've never done anything like this before," she whispered, the vulnerability I witnessed before was in her voice again.

"What's that? Drive a man insane?" I teased because I knew I had to keep it light, to lift her out of that state of mind. The small place that made her think she was unlovable.

"Is that what I'm doing?" I could hear the taunt in her tone and it did nothing to dispel my growing erection.

"Bella," I said in a slight growl. "Your father's downstairs, and in a few minutes, he's expecting me to go down there."

"And you've got a little mess in your pants," she said, trying to contain her giggles.

"I'm hanging up now." I wouldn't because I'm a freaking gentlemen—Dev was cracking up at that—and I didn't want to piss Bella off either.

"Wait!" she said loudly. I sighed to let her know I was still listening. "It's a good thing I put your boxers and jeans you wore yesterday in the dryer this morning."

"Oh, thank fuck," I groaned. "Did you need anything else before I head out?"

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" I made my way to the upstairs laundry closet, and found my clothes in the dryer.

"For putting up with me."

I snorted and the silence that followed told me she was serious. "It was a lot to handle, but as long as you're there with me, I'm willing to stick around. Believe me, you're worth it."

"You know just what to say, thanks."

"Anytime," I replied. "Now finish what you have to do and we'll see each other later."

"Can't wait."

"Neither can I."

Once I made it downstairs, Charlie had Bella's house swarming with a cleaning crew, which meant he was preoccupied. It was a good thing for me, because he wouldn't notice that I had changed my jeans. Plus, I _did not_ need to know what the hell was staining the dining room flooring. I decided to leave that for the professionals.

Bella texted me to take her truck since I didn't have a car with me. Grabbing her keys and a bottled water, I made my way toward the front door. I had my hand on the knob and was internally fist pumping that I was going to get away. Then a hand clasped my shoulder. Fuck.

Angel genuflected and started to pray. Dev was sporting a Kevlar vest and had a bazooka strapped to his back. He seemed to favor that particular weapon for some reason; the logo on the side was P.B.& D.K. I had no idea what that meant.

"Leaving so soon?" Charlie said. His voice was deep and it made me shudder in fear. Fuck, I'm such a pussy sometimes.

"I thought I'd ca—catch some sleep at home before meeting Bella later." My voice pathetically broke, and I cringed when I realized what I said. As if I needed to rest because I hadn't gotten any sleep. Fuck. I'm dead.

Angel was currently digging a freaking hole in the ground. Dev lay beside said hole and had those little x's for eyes with his tongue hanging out.

"You and Bella didn't get much sleep last night," he said, his tone was serious and accusatory.

Dev seemed to have resurrected from the dead because he had armed his bazooka, ready for a fight. "Well, after you left the shot gun shells I had trouble sleeping," I said with a shrug, standing a little straighter.

"That was my intention," he replied with a smug, menacing grin. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand and suddenly, I was pissed.

"Yes, lucky for me, Bella kept me occupied."

And apparently, I had no fucking filter! Dev looked like a freaking Cheshire cat, grinning madly and wiping tears from his eyes as if he was proud. Angel on the other hand was still arranging for my funeral.

The hand on my shoulder tightened for a few brief moments and the vein in Charlie's arms enlarged almost comically. At this point, I was sure he's going kill me.

I was going to die a damn virgin, and worse, someone else was going to going to get to touch Bella's sweet, tight little butt. What a strange thing to be thinking about when the father of the woman I wished to get acquainted with her wonderland was about to kill me.

"I think you and I should have a talk about—" here it comes he's about to tell me to leave his baby girl alone "—sex and condoms."

Both Angel and Dev fainted straight away and the confusion in my head suddenly turned to embarrassment. Baby Jesus, what the hell was this man on?

"Bella and I had the sex talk when she was four years old—" he said and I coughed, looking up at him with wide eyes. Four! "Genius, remember?"

I nodded, unsure of what else to do. A part of me wanted to run for the damn hills, the other part was telling me to stay put and listen to the old man. Dev reminded me that he was banging Heidi, who was drop dead gorgeous, so he must know what he's doing.

Then again, getting advice about sex from your girlfriend's father is all kinds of wrong. I probably wouldn't be able to get a boner around Bella because of it. Angel cocked an eyebrow.

Oh. So that's the plan. Apparently, Bella got her intelligence from her father. Some of it, at least.

"Now about the type of condoms you want to get depends on what you're going for. If you're looking for her ple—"

I put my hands up defensively and stumbled out the door as if the house was on fire. "Charlie!" I screeched loud enough to scare the neighbors and wake the dead. "Bella and I want to wait, so there's no need to talk about—sex with me or her anytime soon."

"It's not that big of deal I know all you kids are into—"

Oh God, please make him shut up.

"That's okay, Charlie," I said, running toward Bella's truck. I didn't waste time running around it. I slid across the hood to the driver's side and jumped into the truck.

"Son!" Charlie called out. "I really think it's important for you to understand how to put one on. You just need a banana—"

Dev was currently in line at the grocery store with a bunch of bananas and a few boxes of condoms. I'll never look at a banana without thinking of Charlie ever again.

"That's alright," I said out the window as I put the truck into drive. "I'll just ask Emmett."

The horrified look on Charlie's face was fucking priceless.

Angel was currently praying to me, claiming I was a God. Cackling evilly, I decided to call my cousin. I was going to need advice on buying condoms; who better than Emmett? I'd caught Rosalie and my cousin in more comprising positions through the years than I've seen in all my porn combined.

And I had a lot of porn. I was a tuba playing band geek with acne; it was the only way to jack off. I wondered for a moment if Bella was open to watching some with me, something with fellatio in it. The sudden image of Bella's full lips around my erection had me swerving into oncoming traffic.

Dev said road head was out of the question—for now. Even though he was probably right, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

I dialed Emmett's number and explained to him what I needed. "Let me get this straight, Eduardo," Emmett said with a sinister tone, including a maniacal laugh. "You're coming to me to get advice on condoms."

"Yes," I said cautiously as I pulled into the parking lot of WalMart. "Charlie started spewing things about condoms that pleasure a woman and something about bananas. I had to get out of there."

Once my cousin stopped freaking laughing and got a hold of himself, he asked what size I was.

"What the hell, Emmett?" I said loudly. "What the hell does the size of my package have to do with buying condoms?"

"First of all, I don't want you to hurt the poor girl of you have one of those monster cocks," he said matter-of-factly. "It's always the skinny, quiet ones that are hung like a horse."

I groaned and smacked my head against the steering wheel. I shouldn't have called him. "It's about average, alright."

"Are you sure? Are we talking male average or porno male average?"

I thought for a moment. "About the size of the guys in some of the movies I watched."

"What the fuck are you doing checking out the size of dude's penis while watching porn?" The fucker started laughing, choking on whatever he was eating at the time. It served him right for asking a trick question.

"I'm hanging up now," I said.

"Wait. You've never measured yourself?"

"No, Emmett. My world doesn't revolve around my freaking cock, alright."

"Aw, cousin, you're bringing tears to my eyes."

"What?"

"You said cock without choking. Are you blushing?"

"Fuck you," I spat and checked in the mirror anyway. No blush-tinged cheeks, thank you very much.

"Damn, you finally found your balls!" Emmett said, and I swear I could hear him fist pumping. Then I heard wailing. Shit, he was at the hospital with Rose and the baby. "Ow, Rose, stop freaking hitting me. Fine, I'll stop cussing."

"Emmett," I said firmly so he could hear me. "Emmett."

"Sorry," he said. "I'm here. Christ, I was really hoping Rose would stop acting like Linda freaking Blair after the baby was born. Fucking shit, woman, stop abusing me."

I hung up. I was on my own. I took a few cleansing breaths to gather my thoughts. I had a great memory and recalled some of the things Emmett had said over the years about condoms and sex.

My phone buzzed, alerting me of a new text message from Emmett.

_**Grab some astroglide, his/hers KY Jelly, ribbed condoms for her pleasure and a cock ring.**_

What the fuck was a cock ring? It couldn't be like a chastity belt or purity ring, right? I really shouldn't be doing this without Bella. She should be here with me. Another text came in as I contemplated just going home—this one was from Bella.

_**Rosalie just called. Get everything Emmett said to get. We need to discuss if we need the condoms. I'm on the shot.**_

Oh fuck, bareback. My phone buzzed again, and in a fog, I read it.

_**Dude, B just told Rose that she's on the shot. **_Then my cell phone rang.

"You're a lucky motherfucking asshole," Emmett said softly. "You won't last two freaking pumps before you cum. You need to build up your stamina, and jack off before you even touch her."

"Oh God," I gasped. "I'm going to look like an idiot."

"No worries, I'm sure she'll understand. With that shot, she'll only get her period a few times a year. But damn, she'll be a raging bitch when she does."

"One step at a time," I said. "She's a virgin, remember?"

"Yeah, I figured that. So, you'll want to do other things to lead her up to the main event."

I groaned. "Fine."

"I'd still get the condoms to be on the safe side, and some Ex-tenze while you're at the store."

"Fine, I'm getting off now."

"Eddie, save it for Bella." Fucker laughed like a hyena before hanging up.

Asshole.

I walked into store and grabbed cart. I went through a few aisles, picked up the last Stephen King novel, and a box of Coco Puffs.

Both Dev and Angel stood on either side of my head with their tiny arms folded across their chests. Apparently, I was stalling.

Why do they have to have tampons, pads and feminine wipes in the same aisle as condoms? I looked down the intimidating aisle and found no one else down in it. I walked past the all the woman things and found the area where condoms were.

What the fuck are pregnancy tests doing with condoms? Are they trying to say something? I rolled my eyes at the government's attempts at subliminally marketing safe sex and abstinence while a person shopped for condoms and pads.

There were fourteen different kinds of condoms, in all different colors and flavors. Flavors? I found ribbed condoms, grabbing a box I tossed it in the cart. I also saw the natural ones, and since she was on birth control, thought those would be good, too. I found the Astroglide and read it uses.

Fuuuuuck. I didn't want to scare the hell out of Bella by wanting to have that in our arsenal for exploring. I threw it in anyway; she did say to get everything Emmett listed. I got his and hers bottles of lubricant that warm or tingle on contact—interesting.

My traitorous cock decided to twitch at the chance to try out everything with Bella. The last thing on Emmett's list was a cock ring.

Cock ring, cock ring.

"Hff," some woman said as she sped past me. Shit, I said that out loud.

I found a package of three disposable vibrating cock rings. I read the tiny writing on the side so I'd know what the hell the advantage of wearing one would be.

"Sugar," another voice said beside me. "For a big boy like you, you'd need the magnum size of those beauties."

I turned to look at voice's owner, and then looked down. A midget…or was it little person? Shit. She was a tiny thing, about four and a half feet tall with strawberry blond hair and big blue eyes.

"Tanya," she said, holding out her hand when she looked at my crotch. She licked her lips. I ignored her because she was looking at me as if I were a pork chop. I grabbed another cock ring and sped away down the aisle. All the while, the woman was leering at my ass.

Once I was safe, I slowed down and made my way to the cash registers. There were only three lines open and all of them had several customers waiting.

Dev offered to warm up his tank to mow them all down. Angel said patience was a virtue. I found a lane with about four people in front of me. Of course, all of them had their carts full of things, and a few screaming kids each.

In front of me was a cute little boy with grey blue eyes and brown hair, no older than eighteen months. He stared at me blankly. I smiled, hoping to get him to do the same. Unfortunately, he started to pick his nose.

"Robbie," his mother said in a disgusted tone. "Stop doing that." He promptly wiped it on her sleeve.

I should've grabbed another few boxes of condoms. I have nothing against kids, nothing. It just wasn't the time for Bella and me to have children. She was only eighteen for fucks sake.

My phone buzzed, and it was another message from Emmett.

_**Bella's birthday is in three weeks. We're taking her camping. You in?**_

Bella in the woods, sharing a sleeping bag, I was so there.

_**When is her birthday? And yes if she's all for it so am I.**_

He emailed me her birthday and the details of our camping trip. And just for fun a .gif of cock ring in use—fucking asshole. After telling his ass off, I told him I'd see him later since I wasn't staying at my place tonight. That of course started him on more advice about fingering techniques.

I turned off my phone.

It was my turn to put things on the conveyer belt when I heard someone call me. I looked up to see my friend Jacob scanning my first few items. "Hey," I said with a smile. "When did you start working here?"

Jacob shrugged; his huge bulky frame looked strange in a blue vest. "Dad needs an upgraded chair."

I kept my grimace at bay and nodded. I hated that he couldn't afford to work more on his amazing sculptures. "You still have that 'Over the Moon' piece?"

"I do, but you're not buying it, Edward," Jacob said firmly, leaving no room for argument. He didn't want my help, at least not the kind that required me giving him money.

"It's just my girlfriend who has this amazing garden, and I think it would look great in it."

Jacob smiled. "Girlfriend?"

I grinned. Angel and Dev strutted around my head like peacocks. "Yeah," I said. "She's the best and beautiful."

"She's a real girl, right?" he retorted.

I rolled my eyes, took out my cell phone, and showed him the one picture I'd taken of Bella and me last night while we ate pizza.

He whistled. "Damn, Cullen," he said. "How did you manage that?"

I turned to grab the other items from my cart. "I snatched her purse."

"What?" he asked loudly. "You snatched her puss. What?"

Several people were looking at us. "Shit, Jacob," I huffed. "Will you keep your voice down? I had to do a dare for Emmett and Jasper."

"Enough said," he said with a grin. "You snatch a purse on a dare and end up with the girl. Only you can manage that."

"Well, I had no choice. The damage on their cars cost too much money."

"What the hell are you talking about? Sam fixed up their cars for free."

I'm going to kill them. "I'm gonna have to get them back."

"If you got that girl out of it, I figure you _owe_ them."

Fuck. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have met Bella. No. That's not right either, because I would've met her later that night. Yeah, I'm still up for fucking with them again. I wondered if I could get Bella to help me take them down.

Jacob scanned the Astroglide, his eyes widening, and with each purchase, his face got redder and redder. He rang up the last item, coughing when he saw the six cock rings. Why didn't I just leave?

"That will be $108.23."

I used my credit card to pay, signing the little screen before taking my purchases from the little spinny thingy. Jacob grinned as he handed me my last bag. "Good luck."

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off as I ran my hand through my hair, earning his laughter. "Tell her to call me when you allow her a breather. She can check out _my piece_."

Fucker was grinning. Note to self: _Do not allow Bella to be alone with Jake. _He wasn't that good of a friend.

After milling around my apartment for a couple of hours, I decided to return my mother's call. "Hi, Mom," I said as she answered.

"Is that you, son?" she asked softly. "You get a girlfriend and you have no more time for your mother."

"Mom," I whined. "How did you find out?"

"Well, I don't know," she said impatiently. "After watching the local news last night, I tried calling you."

"I went out."

"Obviously, did it happen to be to a nine by nine cell?"

I groaned. "Wait, after you watched the news?"

"Of course, you and this girl were all over the news. Did she hurt you?"

"Mom, I'm fine."

"Did you put some ice on your bo—"

"Mom! So there was a video of Bella and me when I stole her purse?"

"Well yes, but the frenzy was about who she is. The video was on just a while ago. She's a child actress that left Hollywood."

Fuck, the media will now know where she is. This wasn't good. My cell phone buzzed continuously in my pocket. "Mom, I have to go."

"When will you bring her by?"

"Dinner sometime next week, but I have to check with her first."

"Alright," she said. "Talk to you soon, honey."

I looked at my texts, there were a few from Charlie, Bella and Emmett. Fuck, this was all my fault. Well, Jasper and Emmett were more at fault. The last text from Bella eased my worries.

_**Daddy said he's taking care of it. Don't worry. I'll be at the hotel in two hours. Can't wait to see you.—B**_

I packed an overnight bag, including all of the goodies from Walmart. Once I made it to the hotel, I was given a keycard that was waiting for me at the front desk. It was a rather nice room with two freaking beds. Damn Charlie must've booked it.

Ignoring his attempts at sabotaging our second sleepover, I decided to watch a little TV. I was in the middle of an episode of True Blood when I received another text from Bella, indicating that she was bringing dinner. After I sent her what I liked, I started to channel surf. Finding nothing else on, I thought that about all those things in the bag.

Curiosity had me jumping out of bed and throwing the contents of the bag onto the bed. Emmett's advice about jacking off beforehand to help me last longer when I was with Bella, had me wanting to experiment. I'd had a semi since walking into the hotel room, why not put it to good use?

Right then, Bella sent me a text with a picture attachment

_**Can't wait to see you. I'll be coming soon.**_

I opened the photo, and I went from semi to hard in a split freaking second. She sent me a picture of her boobs. Well, with her bra still on, but it was black, lacy and I could clearly make out tiny little raspberry tips. I had no idea she had it in her.

With a healthy erection, I thought why not take care of it before she gets there? I dropped trou beside one of the beds and cursed when I realized I needed tissues. I picked up my pants again, wincing when I scraped myself against the teeth of my zipper. After I found some tissues, I opened the bottle of KY jelly. I had never used anything like the stuff, always using a little soap while showering or lotion if I was in bed. I took a little in my hands and rubbed it along my shaft.

Dev pointed at the packages of cock rings, looking very eager to try one. I grabbed one quickly and opened one with my teeth. How the hell was I supposed to fit my erection through that little hole?

The irony is not lost on me, that I might be asking myself that again when Bella decides she's ready.

With both hands, I found that it stretched quite a bit, there was these strange little nubs around the ring. I stretched it out as far as it could go and it shot out of my slick fingers and toppled a lamp over.

Shit.

Dev was cracking up, and Angel had conveniently disappeared. Deciding to take care of the lamp later, I took another ring and turned it on for a second, it was a light vibration. Tentatively, I slipped it past the tip of my cock and groaned when my hands touched me. Apparently, the lubrication needed friction to activate.

I groaned again once I had the cock ring in place, my fingers easily slipping over the base. I felt warm and tingly, and fuck—it was awesome. Looking at my erection in my hand, I switched the cock ring on.

Oh fuck. I was supposed to last longer with this!

There was already pre-cum oozing from my tip. I took a deep breath and stroked. I groaned, picturing Bella's hands on me. I lightened my touch, similar to what she had done earlier this morning.

I froze when I heard the door open. I looked up to see Bella with her mouth open, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she dropped her bags on the floor.

For a split second, she looked horrified, and then she looked pissed. Oh fuck. I'm in trouble.

With my hand still on my cock, I watched as her eyes darkened. One of her hands went to her hair and pulled out a pen that held up all that glorious hair. It fell instantly as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Hello," she said all breath and shit. I was panting, mid-fucking-stroke. I wanted to lick her, because she looked really hot when she's pissed. Her eyes roamed over me, her tongue making an appearance as it swept over her bottom lip.

I stroked again, because I'm a sick fuck. Groaning as my thumb caressed my tip. "Damn it, Edward. Couldn't you wait for me?"

Oh my fuck.


	16. Touch

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Fifteen—Touch**

* * *

**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

I was pretty damn sure if she kept looking at me as if she wanted to eat me, I would come in record fucking time. I followed her every move toward me, stroking with every step because apparently, I was a pervert.

I shouldn't be playing with my junk while my girlfriend was watching me. Right?

Dev was clearly getting much more excited, imagining my Bella stark naked as she stalked toward me. Well, not really. I was imagining the same thing. I really wanted it to become reality.

Then as if my mind was controlling her, her jacket came off after she took another two steps in my direction. "Oh God," I groaned, noticing her pert nipples were hard under her camisole.

"I was on my way here, and you knew that," she murmured, her eyes on my hand as it moved over me.

Yes, I was still masturbating in front of my girlfriend. I hit a new damn low. "I was curious," I gasped. I watched as she shimmied out of her skirt, leaving her heels on. Oh my fuck.

"Damn that's hotter than any porn I've ever seen," she said softly as she stood in front of me.

That caused me to pause, my poor cock may have cried out in protest. "What do you mean you've watched porn?"

Her eyes lingered on my moving hand for a second before they swept to meet mine. "I had to watch a lot to prepare for a part. I'm playing a hooker."

"When you say a lot, how much?"

She shrugged her shoulders, biting her pretty bottom lip. She looked up as if deep in thought, tapping her chin with one of her dainty fingers. "Over a hundred hours worth. I needed to get the moans right."

"You're killing me, Bella," I groaned and started to stroke again.

"May I help?" The question in her eyes, the wonder there, was going to be my undoing. I nodded. "What did you use already?"

"I have a cock ring on," I whispered and watched as she stepped closer. Her fingers wrapped around the wrist of the hand that was on my erection, and then she led it up my cock. She stopped me and looked down as her finger brushed the vibrating ring. I may have whimpered.

"It's not going very fast," she said softly, breathlessly. She looked behind her, at the sex arsenal on the bed. Her eyes snap back to mine. "What did you use?"

I swallowed, her hand refused to allow me to continue. "The 'his' lubrication."

She smiled this big smile, all teasing and sexy as hell. "There's a reason they come packaged together."

I nodded, dumbly. "Okay." I may have squeaked.

Bella puckered her pretty lips and kissed me softly. "Don't move." I nodded again, awaiting further instructions. I turned toward the bed, her beautiful ass swayed as she climbed onto it to grab the "hers" lubrication. I groaned and stroked again, I wanted to drop to my knees and bite her ass. I wasn't sure she'd be into it, so I settled for smacking it.

The sound of the skin-to-skin contact was fucking hot as hell. She cried out and she fell forward, the top half of her body laid flat on the bed. "Oh fuck," I groaned. I was going to come any second, because her skin where I hit her was pink and in the shape of my hand, well almost.

"At least warn me," she growled as she turned to face me with a scowl on her face.

I grinned. "Where's the fun in that?"

She rolled her eyes and put a little of the oil or whatever it was in the palm of her hand. "You're right. Now you know that means I'm entitled to spanking you, too."

I shivered and gripped my cock harder. "Yes," I said breathlessly.

"All right. Now let's see what happens when I do this," she said, looking all innocent, curious and hot at the same time. I felt the tips of her fingers brush over my tip, causing me to cry out.

"Oh shit," I gasped. It was warm, tingling and fucking awesome. I was sure I was going to come at any moment, but for some reason I couldn't. It was both a blessing and a curse. I wanted her to touch me more.

Then she knelt in front of me. Dev started to genuflect and proclaimed I was a God. Angel on the other hand was gathering supplies for an exorcism, because he was positive that Bella was a demon.

"Bella," I gasped, closing my eyes before I made a fool of myself. The sight of her hands on me, and her lips that close to my cock would have this end prematurely. "Sweetheart, if you don't get up you may hate me in a minute." I was sure if I came on her face, she'd run for the hills.

"But I want to see," she said softly. I groaned when I felt her breath caressed over the tip. Her hand removed mine, setting it on her shoulder.

"Fuck," I groaned again. Her fingers wrapped out me, the lubrication and just her made me buck further into her palm.

Dev waggled his eyebrows lavishly, whispering, "Ask her to lick it."

Thankfully, with my teeth cutting into my lower lip, no more words escaped me, except for one. "Why?"

I heard Bella laugh throatily. Her voice was all raspy and sexy when she whispered again. "To see what I'm going to put in my mouth."

Oh fuck.

"I don't think this stuff will taste good," I said. I wanted her mouth on me. I just didn't want her to hate it the first time she tried it. It'd be a tragedy if she refused to do it again, especially with her pretty pink lips.

"I think you're right," she said again. "It wouldn't hurt to try though." She sounded disappointed. "Maybe in the shower later?"

I nodded, closing my eyes, immediately accosted by images of her wet and on her knees. Angel started repeatedly flicking my ear and considered that I needed the exorcism. "Yes."

"Okay," she said simply and I felt her moving again. I opened my eyes to see her watching me, on her feet again. She rested her head on my shoulder, her eyes looking down between us. Her hands went to my hips and pulled my pants the rest of the way down. I groaned as her fingertips left a fiery wake along my skin. "Harder." Her voice was breathless, her chest rising and falling fast. "I want to watch you, but I want to kiss you, too."

She moaned as my pace increased, her oiled thumb brushed over the tip of my cock. I grunted as her tongue licked along my neck. Her free hand started to pull up the hem of my t-shirt. Her hands took over when I quickly crossed my arms to pull my shirt over my head. Her grip was firm, yet soft in the way her skin moved over me. The oil continued to enhance the experience, making me want to touch her.

I had that shit on my hands still so I settled for nipping at her shoulder as she continued to move her hands over me. "Bella," I groaned, sucking where her neck met her shoulder. Her skin was sweet, and I could see down her camisole. Fuck, the view was beautiful; little pink nipples were hard and awaiting my attention.

Dev was salivating, urging me to take one into my mouth. I checked the corners of my lips to make sure that I wasn't drooling. I wasn't thankfully, but my mouth was watering at the sight of all that skin. "May I take your top off?" I whispered, sucking a breath when her fingers tightened around me.

"Yes," she rasped. My hands slid down her arms and up her sides. Little minor quakes ran through her for every inch of skin I touched. She was so responsive; flushed skin, glazed looked in her eyes, panting.

Then she fucking moaned, this little breathy sound that had my knees buckling. Dev was telling me to get a hold myself, donning his construction hat to build some support beams around my legs. I tried to ignore him and my knees but it was becoming more difficult with every stroke of her hand.

Through Bella's top, I thumbed across her nipples and nearly fainted at the next sound that left her. It was a little growl, and I could feel it tremble under my lips on her throat. I wanted to ask her why she growled, but I decided I wanted to discover the reason. Her mouth met mine, her teeth nipping on my top lip. This allowed me access to her plump bottom one.

My hands still worked to get another throaty-hot-as-fuck growl from her, continued on their quest to remove her top. I slid a few fingers along the waistband of her panties, and dipped under the fabric to splay over her ass. I grabbed two handfuls and pulled her toward me. I fucking let out a porn-like moan when the tip of my cock met soft, warm skin.

"That's my belly button," she teased. "Don't think that counts as a home run or a hole in one."

"Fucking tease," I said firmly and bit into her shoulder.

"Take my shirt off."

"Don't want to now."

"Why?" she asked, kissing my lips. Then she stopped moving her hand. "Did you want me to stop?"

I shook my head. "No. Just playing. I was just being a drama queen. May I take it off now?"

"If you continue at the rate you're going, it'll never come off."

"All this talking is making me last longer," I mused with a smile.

"Hmm, we'll have to remember that for when you're inside me."

"Oh fuck. Keep talking like that and I'll blow a load in seconds." I blushed but she knew it was the truth. The cock ring was my only salvation at his point, that and all the talking apparently.

"Blow?" she said, smirking.

"Oh, fuck."

"Too easy," she said while nipping at my ear.

"You're not easy," I murmured. "You're an enigma."

"Edward," she said softly. "I really want to taste you."

I whimpered there was no doubt about it.

"Rosalie said it always gets Emmett to do whatever she wants."

"Bella, I'd do anything you ask if you keep saying fuck and touching me."

"Edward," she said a little more firmly.

"Yes."

"My top is still on. Don't you want to see my breasts?"

I immediately remedied the situation. Her camisole was thrown somewhere in the vicinity of the lost cock ring. My eyes seemed to automatically fall onto her chest, noticing that she wasn't wearing a bra. Then again, her camisole had one built in.

Damn they were perky, pink, and pretty. I wanted to lick them. Dev was sporting a monster erection and playing telling me to play Tune-in-Tokyo with Bella's titties. Angel was currently gathering supplies—painting supplies. He wanted to pay homage to all the glory of Bella's boobies.

"Fuck," she whispered, blushing as I bent down to take one in my mouth. One of my hands played with the other petal pink nipple, while the other went to grab her delectable ass.

Her hand moved faster, harder over me and Dev was trying to give me a signal in Morse code. When he realized I didn't understand that, he tried smoke signals. When my stomach started to burn, and every part of my body tensed…including my teeth.

Bella screamed bloody murder as I came in her hands. I shuddered, groaned, finally detaching my mouth of her breast.

"Oh my, God!" She was crying and screaming, jumping up and down as she clutched her tit. I panicked and tried to grab her but that only caused her more pain.

"Baby," I said loudly. "Please let me see."

She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "It's fine," she whispered, holding onto her tit as if she was afraid it'd fall off.

"I'm so sorry," I said. Please don't let this mean she'd never allow me to touch those magnificent things of beauty. "Please, let me make sure you're okay."

She nodded as I told her to lay in the bed while I cleaned up, throwing the cock ring away in the trash can nearby. I washed my hands in the adjacent luxury bathroom, grabbing a few hand towels. I ran one under warm water and went to her. I knew I was walking around stark naked, but Dev assured me that it would make me look cooler. More confident, which I was not feeling at the moment. Considering that I just got off, I felt like an asshole.

When I went back to the bed, Bella was poking her breast with a small finger. "Are you all right?" I asked, offering her the warm towel. She nodded again and placed the towel of her aching tit.

"Come and see," she whispered, keeping her eyes from me. She was lying in the middle of one of the beds, so I climbed on and crawled over to her. I kept my distance, and watched as she removed the towel from her breast. I cringed when I saw reddish teeth marks around her entire nipple. I managed to break the skin a little, too.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm so sorry for hurting you. I can leave if you'd like." I was already making my way off the bed, my stomach in knots as my heart started to ache.

"Edward," Bella said softly. "Please come here." I looked up to see her smiling. "I'm fine, I promise."

I shook my head, clutching a pillow over my lap. Her pretty boobies had all the blood rushing to my cock again, and if I was honest, so was the thought that I'd marked her. This made me feel guilty. "I hurt you."

She shook her head. "You caught me by surprise," she said. I cocked an eyebrow, because I knew she was lying. "Yes, it hurt but I wasn't exactly prepared for it, either. When I bite you, it both hurts and feels good right?"

"Yes," I said, still keeping my distance. "But you've never drawn blood. That's twice that I've done that to you."

She shook her head again. "The first time was because _I_ took my shoes off and stupidly ran into an alley. This time, it was in the heat of the moment." I nodded. "How about I let you make it up to me?"

I smiled. "What would that entail?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something," she said, yawning. "Come here." I crawled over her, allowing her to take me into her arms. "You can kiss it and make it better."

I laughed and nuzzled her soft flesh, placing a kiss over where I bit her. I was so lucky to have someone willing to talk me down the proverbial cliff. Instead of ignoring what could've been a disastrous situation, she addressed it head on. I was positive I'd never find someone like her, not even if I lived to be a hundred and nine years old.

"Bella," I murmured as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Yes."

"I think I love you."

Her body didn't tense. She didn't push me away. Instead, she held me tighter.

"Well, that makes two of us."

"You think you love yourself?" I half-teased. I knew she really didn't, she accepted who she was. However, she believed because of what she was, she was incompatible with anyone.

"I'll get there and you're helping me do that. But that's not what I meant."

I hummed and kissed her neck, lingering where her pulse thudded against my lips. "What did you mean?" I whispered.

"I love you."

I smiled. "Not just because I lasted twenty-two minutes with a cock ring on?"

She laughed, snorting as she wiggled against me. "Of course you timed yourself. No," she said in mock anger. She shook her fist in my face and threatened to kiss me to death.

"Then why?"

"You're sweet," she replied. "You have loyal friends and family and that says a lot about a man. You make me laugh all the time. And you're so hot!"

I rolled my eyes and pulled her under my body. I heard the words between the lines. _You haven't run yet._ "I'm not going anywhere," I said and kissed her firmly. After a few moments I pulled away to see that she was very tired.

"I do love you," I said as I pressed my lips on hers.

"We're crazy," she said with a big smile. "It's only been two days."

I smiled and pulled the blanket over us. She remained topless, while I remained naked. Yes! Her pert bottom fit nice and snug against my spoonage. "Bella."

"Yeah."

"I'm pretty sure I fell for you when you whacked me with your brick."

She laughed, and I felt her muscles in her abdomen flutter from her little cute snorts. "Oh good, I think I fell for you when you screamed like I girl when I whacked you with my brick."

"Go to sleep, love," I whispered, kissing her cheek softly. "When you wake up I'll make up it up to you all morning."

"That would be nice," she said, yawning again.

When her breathing slowed and she drifted off to sleep, I pulled out my cell phone. I found Emmett in the directory and texted him.

_Emmett, help! I need to know everything about going down on Bella by morning._

Then I waited for second after sending it and decided to fuck with him.

_BTW, she likes to be spanked and bitten._

I waited for a few minutes and wondered what was taking him so long to react to that. After about five minutes, my phone buzzed. I picked up and I immediately blanched.

_Edward, this is your uncle, Carlisle. I'll just forward these texts to my son._

I looked through my phone contacts and Emmett must've screwed with all my numbers. His was listed under my uncle's. My uncle's was listed under Jasper's. _I'm going to kill him._ Seconds later, my phone buzzed again.

_Lucky fucker ;)_


	17. Tips of My Fingers

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Sixteen—Tips of My Fingers**

* * *

**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

I couldn't believe I'd just asked my uncle for advice on going down on my girlfriend. I internally prayed that he wouldn't say anything to my father. The last thing I needed was for my parents to call me, wondering when I was bringing Bella over. I bought time when I last spoke with my mother, if they found out that we were sleeping together, there would be nothing to stop my mother from insisting on meeting Bella.

I wanted her to meet my parents, of course. They'd love her, but it was all so new. Was it so wrong that I wanted her to myself for a while longer? I already had to share her with our mutual friends and her father; once my mother was involved, it would be expected for us to be over a lot.

The thought that maybe Bella wouldn't want to meet my parents had me worried. However, now that we declared ourselves, maybe Sunday dinner wouldn't be a bad idea. I turned my attention back to her and found her lying on her stomach, while my body partially draped over hers.

She wiggled her butt for a second and mumbled in her sleep, "Edward, don't bite my ass." I had to laugh at that, stifling it against her hair. It was nice to know that she dreamt of me and quite possibly, she was naked in said dream. I was one horny asshole. It was my belief that my dick was starting to make all the decisions and that didn't sit well with me. Bella meant more to me than just a way to get off.

My phone chimed again, and I cringed at who could possibly be texting. It had to be Emmett. It chimed again, seconds later. I was afraid that it would wake Bella, and frankly, how was I supposed to explain that I was asking for advice from Emmett.

Slipping out of bed, I covered my beauty with the duvet. She sighed contently and clutched the pillow to her body. I wanted to watch her sleep but it felt kinda creepy. Plucking my phone from the nightstand, I walked toward the other room to sit on the couch. I hoped it would allow me a semblance of privacy, just in case Emmett insisted on calling instead.

Opening the first text, I growled in annoyance.

**ROTFLMAO I can't believe fucking with your numbers worked.**

The next text was a bad as the first.

**Next time don't use my computer to update your directory, dumbass**

So, that's how he had done it. My phone company allowed me to download my directory online to make changes and upload to update my numbers automatically. His plan was fucking genius, and I had to give him credit for that.

I texted him back.

**Hilarious. I'm so going to rat you out to your wife**

My phone pinged again.

**If you do, I'll tell Bella you shared your playtime together**

I was very aware that Bella valued her privacy. Though we asked basic questions from Rosalie and Emmett, it didn't mean she was willing to share everything. The fact that I shared even a small tidbit might be enough for her to get angry with me.

Dev was reading an interesting book entitled, _Angry Sex and How to Have it Often. _Angel, of course, was countering Dev with his own book entitled, _101 Ways to Make It Up to Her._

They were no damn help, since I wanted to do both. Maybe we could have angry sex as a way for me to make it up to her. Would that work? I shook the thoughts from my head and looked at the last text from Emmett I hadn't checked.

**Check your email, sent material to help with your request. GL**

I sighed and smiled. He was still willing to help me out even though I had played a prank on him. I really did have loyal friends and family. I hadn't brought my laptop with me so I picked up Bella's from her bags that she had left by the door earlier.

I quickly turned it on and found a picture of a woman that resembled Bella a bit, especially around her eyes. Her mother. She was a beautiful woman, and though it was just a photo, I could see the love she had for her family. It was all in her expressive hazel eyes.

One day I hoped Bella would tell me about her.

I connected to the hotel's Wi-Fi and went to check my email. There was a couple from my mother. Including one that led me to the link of the news broadcast of Little Miss Dish's identity revealed. I didn't want to deal with that at the moment, because with the media getting wind of it, I worried about my future with Bella.

What if she decided wanted to return to Hollywood?

I found Emmett's email and almost laughed out loud at the subject line.

**To: EdwardsAlmostSize14**

**From: GrizzlyEmmett12_5**

**Cc: Jasperssize13; alethalcombination**

**Subject: How to Lick the Creamy Center**

_I can't believe I'm giving your advice on how to go down on Bella. It's just so fucking wrong, and please do not tell me how it went. You do not share some things with a man. She's like a sister to me, bro. Hell, we named our daughter after her!_

_All right, since I'm a little busy now, you'll have to settle with websites and downloaded porn. I've done a lot of research on these sites, and they're very good. Most give step-by-step instructions while some even have animated videos of what you need to do._

_The hottest is when she rides your face, but I'm afraid with her lack of experience that she'll suffocate your ass. You'd choke on pussy, what a way to go. I would find a way to put that on your tombstone._

_You'll have to settle for having her lay on back._

_It's really fucking gross to say, but good luck. You're on your own when it comes to doing the deed. I have to draw the line somewhere._

_Laters sucker,_

_Emmett_

I clicked on one of the links and got to studying. Apparently, there was a lot of information on fellatio and cunnilingus. I watched and even took notes of all the information at my fingertips.

Dev looked like a kid at a candy store, clapping his tiny hands in glee and wonder. Dev was beginning to bookmark all the sites and certain articles that would help obtain the ultimate orgasm. Then Angel tapped my shoulder and reminded me that it was Bella's computer.

I cringed when I realized that I'd have to do some cleanup on her computer before she found out what I'd been up to for the past three hours, while she napped. With a few keystrokes, I deleted the history, and reminded myself that Bella was a genius, so I delved a little deeper and got rid of everything that I could.

Was it wrong that I wanted her to think I was a natural? And that I was a sex god that could make her come with just my tongue. It was devious, but hell, I had to have the advantage over her somewhere.

I was hard from all the fucking porn and imagining my Bella spread out from me. I decided to take a shower and take care of my problem on my own. I wanted the next time I went to bed with Bella to be because I wanted to hold her close, and not poke her ass with my cock.

Though poking her ass with my cock had some freaking merit. The idea not only made me twitch, but I groaned out loud. I was becoming a pervert. And it was nobody's fault, but my own.

I looked over to where Bella lay; the sheets barely covered her almost nude body. The bottom of her ass peeked from the barely there panties, her long legs were smooth and looked so good under the dim light coming from the bathroom. Her naked back displayed in its naked glory, where I noticed a small little birthmark in the shape of a strawberry. Hair fanned to one side across the bed, and her little sigh only made me harder.

Well, maybe it's a little bit her fault, too. What man wouldn't resort to masturbating with that vision in his spank bank? I rummaged through my bag for a pair of boxer briefs. I hoped that once I took care of my problem in the shower and went back to bed, I wouldn't get another hard-on.

I felt like a pubescent boy. Here I was at twenty-one years old, and my dick was recovering in record time. I was hard within minutes after I'd come, and how fucking win was that? I hoped that once we did the deed I could easily go for round two, three and four.

Grabbing a towel and my all-in-one body wash, I stepped into the shower minutes later. Hot water poured over my body, my cock hard and aching for some attention—again. After a quick wash of my body and hair, I chose to indulge.

I closed my eyes, imagining what Bella had wanted to try hours earlier. The feel of her mouth would be hotter, wetter than the touch of her hand. I gasped as I tightened my soap-slickened fingers around me. Suddenly, I felt her body pressed against my back, the hardened tips of her breasts brushing my sensitive skin.

"We're exploring together, remember?" she said softly and I felt her extend her body to the tips of her toes to brush her lips against my ear. "You should've woken me."

I groaned as her hands ran down my chest to my hips. "You were tired, love," I murmured. "I didn't want to disrupt your sleep."

"I'm awake now," she teased. I laughed but it quickly turned to a groan as her thumb brushed the tip of my cock, her arms wrapped around me. I shook my head, trying to stop my dick from taking over my thought process. I stopped her hands and turned to her.

"This time," I murmured as I met her beautiful eyes. "It's about you, I'll be fine."

She bit her soft bottom lip and shook her head. "I like watching and making you come."

My eyes almost rolled back as a quick rumble of a grunt left my lips. "Fuck and I love that, too. But I owe you one."

She smiled as our eyes met again. "That's ridiculous. I don't usually do tit for tat, Edward."

"Just let me do this please," I said. I rolled my eyes and pulled her against me. My eyes roamed over her slowly. _Damn, _wet Bella was breathtaking. Her hair was a few shades darker than usual and fell down her back in wet tendrils.

_Wet Bella. Bella is wet. All wet._

Dev was in a trance, his eyes fixed on the rosy tips of Bella's breasts. Angel was strangely absent. As for me, I was fixated on the little strip of dark hair between her thighs. It was the first time I'd had a chance to see her completely naked.

_Fucking hell_. I was going to come the second she touched me again. I took a step back as a precaution, because I refused to make a fool myself in front of her again. Taking her face in my hands, I brushed my lips over hers.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered as I felt a little tremble run through her. "So warm." My hands cupped her neck on either side and descended until I met her shoulders. "You have such soft skin, like the richest silk." I was stepping up my game and being honest at the same time.

The look in her eyes, the small buckling of her knees told me that I was on the right path. She seemed to love hearing me talk to her like this. Her eyes fluttered closed as I kissed her again. My thumbs brushed her erect nipples and she arched closer.

From what I've learned about Bella already, it didn't take much to make her come. The first time I had my hand in her panties, just a few strokes of my thumb over her clit and she came. I wanted to see if I could do with from giving her breasts my full attention.

My lips left hers, a small gasp escaping us both. My fingers continued to tease and barely touch her nipples. "Wet Bella, you're so wet."

"How?" she gasped, her head falling back. "How do you know?"

I smirked against her skin. "I was talking about your skin," I teased. "But now you have me curious to what you're referring to." I could detour from my original plan, just for a moment.

With one of my hands wrapped around each side of her body, I grazed the sides of her breasts and descended. She gasped and again, her head fell back from what I hoped was overwhelming sensations. I had hoped that I affected her as she affects me.

"Tell me where you're wet, Bella," I said. Well damn, apparently watching porn made me a fucking confident SOB. I looked down to watch my hands move over her heavenly body. My brain stopped all functions as my eyes focused on the golf-size bruise around the nipple that I bit earlier.

Fuck, I really hurt her. My hands fell from her body and her eyes snapped open. Why would she come to me? Hadn't she realized I was a monster? I marred the delicately pale skin, the light rose of her areola and nipple. I felt her hands on my face, talking but I couldn't hear her.

Her lips moved but no words came from her beautiful mouth, instead only soundless pleas. I knew she was worried, I could see it in her eyes. I tried to concentrate on her, on her voice.

"—Edward, please. I love you and I know you love me too. It was an accident. Please talk to me."

I shook my head as she continued, peppering my face and neck with tiny, sweet kisses. "I love you," she said, so softly yet I felt the words until they reached deep inside me.

Roughly taking her face in my hands, I kissed her hard, thoroughly. "Don't you ever let me hurt you like that again. Do you understand me?"

"It was accident," she said, louder than before.

I shook my head and pulled her mouth back to mine. She moaned and gasped as she fought to hold me closer. "Never let me hurt you, accident or not." Our eyes were locked in a gaze that did all the talking. She nodded after a few moments.

"Kick me in the balls," I said firmly. "Kick me as a reminder that I not supposed to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. Just the thought of it causes me pain."

She nodded again with a confused expression. "I promise to kick you where it hurts if you're hurting me."

"That goes for emotionally, too," I said seriously. "You've come to mean so much to me, and the thought of hurting your feelings or," I stepped back, roaming my eyes down her body, "—your gorgeous body is something I'd never forgive myself for."

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Edward, first of all, if you even tried to hurt me physically, on purpose, you'd be kissing the dirt within in seconds. Not that you would anyway. Second, if you hurt my feelings, I'll try to give you a chance to apologize. In all likelihood, you'd be wrong." She batted her pretty lashes with a big teasing smile on her face.

I sighed. "I'm new at this, and I really don't want to ruin anything between us."

"I'm new at this, too," she said softly. "We'll just have to learn from our mistakes. I'm sure we'll make some, we're young."

"And impulsive," I whispered and pulled her in close.

"Actually, chasing after you was the most impulsive thing I've ever done. Almost everything I've done in my life has been planned out."

"Thankfully, you decided to step out of your comfort zone." I brushed my mouth over hers and relished in the little whimper fell from her lips.

"What have you learned so far?" she asked as I placed an open-mouthed kiss on her shoulder.

"I've learned that to expect the unexpected when it comes to anything you say or do." She smiled but gasped as I bent to suck a sweet, wet nipple in my mouth. Once it extended and reddened from my attention, I slowly moved to the other. Taking extra care since it was the one with the bruised tip. "I've learned to never attempt to steal a purse again."

She giggled, her fingers curling around my biceps. "What else?" she asked, her head lulling to one side to allow me access to her delectable neck.

"Well, the term 'you hit like a girl' does not apply to you," I teased and cupped her breasts in my hands. Perfect fucking handfuls, and I was told I had big hands.

She laughed for just a moment but hissed when I pinched her little pink peaks. A shiver ran through her body, her knees shaking as I continued my ministrations. She was so freaking beautiful.

She was close, too. I sensed it, in the way that her little moans were increasing in intensity. All I needed was a few more strokes of her lovely skin. "I also learned you are so fucking responsive when I touch you."

"Edward," she gasped, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her hands clutched me to her tighter, her fingers brushing through my hair.

I bent again and this time I used the tip of my tongue to tease a little peak. She cried out as pinched the other, rolling it deftly between two fingers. Panting and thrusting her hips against my body, my cock enjoying the way it met soft, wet and warm skin far too much.

Within a few short minutes, we were both gasping for breath and kissing frantically. Her body arched, my teeth grazing a hardened peak as she tensed in my arms. I held her close, but watched the myriad of expressions and emotions that flashed through her eyes. Desire, lust, love and ecstasy all swirled in her eyes.

"Wow," I murmured. "That's the fucking hottest thing to watch."

Then she sank to her knees. My breath left in a whoosh that left me panting and light-headed. Her long hair fell in wet curls down her back, a few strands covering her enticing breasts. Her bright, inquisitive eyes were wide and a little nervous as she licked her lips.

Oh fuck. That image would be forever imprinted the insides of my lids, an image that was a close second to that of Bella coming apart in my arms. "You don't have to do that," I groaned. Angel was doing the talking and I was okay with that.

I had told myself before that this was about her and not just about sex. Dev however, was thrusting his hips with a hand in front of him in demonstration.

"Do what?" she asked. "I just wanted a closer look."

"Oh my God," I grunted and tried to refrain from copying Dev's demo. "You need to get up, baby. I don't want you on your knees."

"Oh, all right," she said, sounding disappointed. "Do you think I can have a little taste?"

"Sweet hell," I gasped. I bent and grasped her under her arms and walked out of the shower. Setting her down on the middle of the bathroom, I turned to switch off the shower. "You're driving me insane. I'm trying to be a gentleman, but you're making it really hard."

"You don't want me to taste you?" she asked, her bottom lip jutting out in a cute, sexy pout.

"Of course I do," I whispered and took her back in my arms. "I don't want you to think that's all I want from you."

"Oh," she murmured, shivering. "I know that's not all you want from me."

"Good," I said as I pulled back to look into her eyes. "Come on, it's too late to grab dinner but how about we get something down the street."

She nodded and blushed. "I like taking a shower with you."

"I don't think that constitutes as a shower. The whole point of one is to get clean."

She giggled and threw me a towel. "You're right, I think you got dirtier," she said, slipping a fingertip over the tip of my still hardened cock.

"Shit," I hissed and shook my head, pulling away. "You finish your shower and I'll wait out there, you little vixen." I swatted her cute butt as she agreed, but she tried to whip me with a towel. I barely managed to escape with my ass intact as I ran into the bedroom.

Twenty minutes later, we sat side by side in a blue vinyl booth at Ruby's Diner. I wrapped one of my arms around her shoulders, keeping her close. There were four assholes a few booths away that had been ogling her from the moment we walked inside the establishment.

I took her cold fingers in my hands, blowing my warm breath on them. "Are your fingers always so damn cold?" I asked.

She nodded and laid her head on my shoulder. Propping up the menu in front of us, she looked through it. "Whatcha getting?" I asked, brushing a loose strand behind her ear.

"I'll have a chocolate shake and some fries," she said softly. "You?"

"I'm not very hungry. How about we share a slice of cake?" She nodded and smiled.

About ten minutes later, our food brought out to us, and we shared everything. She was so cute when she kept deliberately missing my mouth as she fed me pieces of chocolate cake. It was only so that she could lick off the frosting from my lips. Of course, it was pure torture, too; my body was reacting to the sight and feel of her mouth on me.

Our whispered conversation was interrupted as one those assholes slipped into the seat across from us. "I know who you are," he said, his eyes on Bella.

Bella feigned confusion as she turned to me, scrunching her eyebrows. "Sorry," she said. "I don't think we've met before."

"No, we haven't," he sneered. "But I know who you are. I've seen you on the news."

I had to hand it to Bella. She gave no reaction to his statement. She was completely composed. "The news? Not sure why I'd be on the news. I'm just a kid."

"Whatever you say, princess," he said, his eyes glued to her chest. "Wanna ride on my bike?" I tensed and was ready to give him a piece of my mind, despite the fact that he'd likely kick my ass. He reminded me of Butch, the big guy in Emmett's cell.

"No thank you," she said firmly, leaving no question that she was sincere. She was that convincing. The asshole's friends laughed from their booth and he sent them a lethal glare that had them clearing their throats and averting their eyes.

He turned back, his eyes still on Bella. It was as if I wasn't even fucking sitting beside her. This asshole was starting to piss me off. "What does he have that I don't?"

"A ten inch dick," she said sweetly. I choked on my drink and gasped as Bella patted my back. Oh fuck, she knows. She knows I watched porn while she slept in bed.

The asshole's eyes snapped to mine and raised a curious eyebrow. He smirked and looked back at Bella. "It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?"

Bella smiled and shrugged. "Never underestimate them," she said with a smirk. The man laughed and shook his head.

He leaned forward, as if he didn't want to be overheard. "My daughter has all your DVD's, she made me watch with her," he said softly. "There I said it. I only came over to see if I can get an autograph, but you know," he turned toward his friends for a moment, "I had to make it look good so they wouldn't suspect."

"Men," Bella quipped under her breath. I couldn't help but laugh, even the asshole did, introducing himself as David. Bella pulled out a pen from her purse and wrote something on a page from a small pocket notebook. "Here you go," she said, handing him the page.

"Thanks," he said as he stuffed it inside his jacket pocket. "You just made her day."

Bella nodded and waited until he left before she turned to me. "We should get going," she said softly. "Sorry about that.'

"It's fine, Bella," I said firmly. "You don't think a little fame would send me running in the other direction, do you?"

She shook her head. "I hoped it wouldn't. I've been living here for a little over a year. No one knew who I was until yesterday."

I sighed. "And all because I stole your purse," I said thoughtfully. "If I hadn't, you'd still have a semblance of privacy."

"Honestly, Edward," she said as she tugged me out of the booth. "I would've been found out eventually. It was just a matter of time."

"Maybe," I whispered, throwing a twenty on the table for our food and tip. "Come on, I'm suddenly exhausted."

"Same here," she said, slipping her arm around mine. Together, we walked the few blocks toward her hotel. I had her giggling as I told her about some of the other pranks that Jasper and Emmett had pulled on me through the years.

As we passed an alley, Bella yelped and pulled from my grasp. I cursed as a man in his late thirties, with dark hair and bad breath, yanked Bella toward the alley. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward me easily. I started to shout at the idiot who wouldn't give up the loot. Bella pulled away from her purse, slipping her arm out of the handle.

The man cried out in victory and ran. When I started after him, Bella stopped me. "It's not worth it, Edward. I think that bag was a magnet for purse snatchers." She giggled and shook her head.

"Are you sure? I can go after him."

"It's something my mom gave me," she said softly. "But she's given me lots of things. So it's okay."

We reported the theft with Bella's father once we reached the hotel room. He went on a rampage for a full twenty minutes before Bella got him to calm down. However, it was not before he gave me strict orders to watch her and if something happened to her while she was with me, he'd have my head.

As Bella slipped into bed beside me, she tried to calm down. Her father was insisting that she'd moved back to his place, which Bella had flat out refused. "It's not like I can't take care of myself," she said.

"He loves you and is only worried about you."

"I know," she murmured as I slipped my arms around her. She hummed softly as she nuzzled my neck, and one of her hands lay on my chest, just over my heart. For several minutes, we just discussed our schedules over the next few days. We'd barely get to see each other, since I was starting school and she was in the middle of a case. We had managed to find some time the following evening.

Something was bugging me and I had to know. "Bella," I whispered.

"Yes."

"Why did you say ten inch dick to that man at the diner?"

She laughed and her fingers tightened around my hip. "Emmett sent me a copy of the email," she teased. "I saw it on my phone. Was that why you had to take a shower?"

I groaned, feeling my face heat in embarrassment. "You're alethalcombination," I said as I shook my head. "I've should've known he'd pull something like that."

"So, I take it that you did some research," she said, playing with the few chest hairs I had. I nodded as I pressed my lips against her pulse on her neck. "What did you research?"

"Everything," I murmured. Just the thought of my research, the memory of our shared shower and with her warm, pliant body in my arms, had me hard. Damn it.

"Tell me," she demanded, her hands roaming my back. I twitched at the husky, dominate tone her voice had taken.

Dev was currently sporting a set of leather cuffs and collar as he knelt on the ground in a submissive position. Angel—well Angel was constructing a St. Andrew's cross donning a tool belt, hardhat and nothing else. The little shit had gone to the dark side.

"About cunnilingus, fellatio and several positions," I said as I slipped my hands under her camisole.

"Did you watch porn?"

She didn't sound upset, in fact, I was sure she was turned on by the thought. "Yes," I replied, rubbing myself against her thigh. I really _was_ one horny asshole.

"Hmm," she said, and I felt her breath against my neck. "Did you learn anything?"

I nodded, unable to say anything, not with my throat becoming bone freaking dry. Yet, my mouth was watering at the thought of having my mouth on her. "Yeah," I rasped and pulled her to sit atop me fully. "I took notes." She gasped as my hands ran up her smooth thighs. "Very thorough notes."

"Show me," she mumbled and threw her head back when my fingers met the slick skin of her sex. I was filled with full male pride that _I _made her wet—again. Her pale pink camisole was no match for the potency of her arousal, her nipples hard and perfect beneath it.

_I did that. Fuck. Please, for all those poor geeks and thirty-year-old virgins, do not make me come from the sight of her alone._

Bella bent down and started to kiss my neck, laying more along my jaw. "You seem to be doing good on your own," I groaned. I couldn't figure out where to touch her, my hands wanted to feel everything.

I gasped, her mouth reaching my sensitive nipples. "Oh fuck," I hissed. "You don't have to."

"I know I don't," she whispered, her tongue flicking down my chest. "But I want to."

My fingers dug into her skin at her hips, thrusting up against the warmth I felt over my covered erection. Why the fuck had I bothered to put on boxers. She moaned, the vibration wrecking havoc on my system. I was so lost to her, to whatever she was willing to offer. I would and could not deny her.

She owned me. I should have been scared and ran in the other direction. Just the thought of doing so caused my heart to ache. I would never be able to leave the warmth of her, the fire within her. I wanted to be with her until she told me to go, and I prayed that she never uttered the words that would undoubtedly shatter me.

I felt her still over me and my eyes snapped open to find her just inches above mine. Words lodged in my throat. "I love you," I whispered at the same time she did. We smiled and the lust we had moments before turned to tender touches. With her hands on me, and mine on her, we both trembled in delight. We found completion just in each other's arms.

After several minutes, we lay in bed with our arms wrapped around each other, as it should be. "I need to sleep. I have to be at headquarters in the morning," she murmured.

"All right," I whispered, kissing her softly. "I have to get ready for school and get the last of my things from my parents' place. How about we meet up at your place tomorrow night?"

She nodded, yawning gently. I was tired too. It had been a long day. "Sounds good to me," she whispered. "Good night, Edward. Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"For still being here with me," she said softly.

"There's no place I'd rather be," I said, drifting off to the sound of her heart beating. It was the most vital sound in my world.

The morning was chaos when we woke. She was stumbling into her clothes after our shared shower. I was told to stay away or else she'd be late, however, the thought of her wet sent me running after her.

I finally made her come with my fingers inside her. It was both heaven and hell. For me to feel the clench of her around my fingers, wishing it was around my erection. With her hand on me and my fingers inside her, it had only taken minutes to come. However, washing each other took a little longer, and of course, we got all hot and bothered again.

And being the man I was, I couldn't let her go through the day without helping her out. I still refused to allow her to go down on me; maybe I wanted to do the actual deed before I had her like that. Her last climax was really loud, and for some reason, she blushed afterward like never before.

"Bella, are you sure I didn't hurt you?" I asked, watching as she slipped into a pair of panty hose.

She shook her head and mumbled something under her breath. "I have to go. I'm going to be late."

"Did you need me to drive you?" I still had her truck, though I had to admit I loved driving it. She shook her head again as she checked her watch. Helping her into her coat, I kissed her temple and held her for a moment before she pulled away.

"Let's go," she said with a small smile. With our bags in our hands, we left the hotel room. I looked around the room one last time. "Edward, we can make more memories wherever we go."

"Yeah," I said and smirked. "But I just remembered I never found that cock ring that broke and toppled the lamp."

She giggled and tugged me toward the elevator. Her bill already been taken care of – courtesy of Daddy. The enclosed space of the elevator trapped her wonderful scent, making my mouth water.

_Would it always be like this?_

Dev was currently holding his finger over the stop button, begging me with his eyes to stop the elevator. I was an enticing idea. I had seen at least three porn scenes in an elevator. All of them would be hot as I imagined that Bella and I trapped in one.

I looked over at Bella and could see her shake head for some reason. Suddenly, on my shoulder, popped a miniature Bella, dressed in a revealing red devil outfit. Dev was kneeling at her feet, begging her to allow him to touch her.

"You know, she's just as devious as you," she said. _Fuck, I'm going insane._ "She's trying to talk herself out of shoving you against the wall and taking your pants down."

I coughed and groaned where I stood. Wishful thinking, that's what had me seeing Bella's dark side on my shoulder. I felt something poke at my neck, a small pitchfork on mini Bella's hand. "Pay attention, look at her and tell me what you see."

I looked back at Bella, and could see her free hand clench and unclench. There was a subtle shift of her legs, as if she was seeking friction. Her face was flushed, all the way down to her chest. I wondered if, beneath her clothing, her nipples were hard. She was aroused.

"You need to stop doing that," I hissed, watching as she shimmied in place again.

"Can't help it," she whispered, her voice and low and sexy.

"We both came at least twice in the last hour, more in the last twenty-four," I said firmly. "I want to do this slowly."

She nodded and relaxed her stance. The doors to the elevator thankfully opened, leading her out with my hand on her hip. "We'll see each other tonight," I whispered against her ear. "We'll see about letting you push me against the wall with my pants around my ankles."

What the fuck made me say that? Mortified, I realized that with bad mini Bella and Dev, I was stepping further into the pervy side of my mind.

She gasped and moaned. "Yes, please."

"Damn," I grunted and continued across the lobby. Once outside, I turned to her. "Are you sure you don't need a ride?"

"No," she said and gave me a sexy smile. "I'll miss you today."

"Same here," I said, pulling her close. "And please don't send me more dirty texts. I'll never be able to wait until tonight."

She grinned and pecked my lips. "I'll try to remember that."

"Liar," I teased. "We both know that you love to tease me."

She shrugged and looked at her watch. "You better go. My ride will be here in five, four, three, two—" A sleek black car pulled up the curb, and moments later, a man in a dark suit stepped out the passenger seat.

"Ms. Swan," he said, his voice deep. He towered over Bella and was huge in comparison to myself.

"Agent O'Doul," she said.

"You've got to be kidding," I said under my breath. Bella giggled and shook her head.

"I think they're all fucking with me," she said, glaring at the man who gave no indication of joking. "There's a J. Daniels and C. Morgan among those that work with me."

"That can't be real," I said. I bent to kiss her once more. "See you tonight."

She nodded and slipped inside while I held the door open for her. The little female devil on my shoulder snickered as Bella's hand brushed over my crotch. "Think of me," Bella said, smirking. I nodded, unable to say anything without groaning out loud, but I glared at her.

Moments later, she was gone. Thankfully, her mini devil disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving poor Dev in a terrible state, hard and aching. The fucker was crying with a tub of ice cream in hands.

After grabbing the last of my books and supplies for school the following week, I headed home. When I got there, I realized my place was a mess. I spent hours cleaning up and unpacking the last of my boxes.

My phone rang, the ringtone telling me that it was my mother. "Hello, mother," I said as I put the vacuum away.

"Edward," she said softly. "Why has everyone met her besides me and your father?"

I sighed as I rubbed my face. "Not everyone has met her," I said. "Uncle Carlisle hasn't."

"Well, I would hope he hadn't, since I haven't."

"I'll talk to Bella when I see her tonight," I replied and went to my bedroom. "We'll see about making it to Sunday dinner."

"Oh, that will be wonderful," she said. "You're father seems eager to meet her, too."

"Oh."

"Yes, he was speaking to your uncle earlier today."

I'm going to kill Emmett. "That's nice."

"Tell me about her, son," she said, her voice had soft again.

"She's smart, funny, sweet and beautiful," I whispered, unable to get the image of her smiling up at me out of my mind. "She's good to her father, to her friends and so good to me."

"You sound like you care about her a lot," she said.

"I do, Mom," I replied. "So much."

"You're so young," she whispered. "But I knew your father was the one the moment I met him. I had always hoped you'd find that."

"I have," I said warily.

She gasped and said that no matter what, I had to bring Bella to the house by Sunday. "We'll be there. I just have to check with her on when."

"See that you do," she said. "I better go. I want to see if I can catch your aunt Esme before she leaves for her appointment."

I groaned. "Mom!" I whined. "Please don't tell her anything. I want to see if Bella is as serious as I am."

"I'm sure she is. You're a good man, son."

"Thanks, Mom."

After we said goodbye, I continued to do the last of my chores. Bella had texted me twice, both sweet and full of promises. I couldn't wait to see her. We made plans for me to bring some groceries so we could make dinner. Since I had a key to her house, I intended to make it special.

One trip to supermarket and Target, I found all I needed to make a candlelight dinner. Once I arrived to my apartment again, I decided to have a run. Dumping everything in the fridge and my kitchen counter, I changed and headed out.

I was finally able to clear my head as I jogged in the park across from my building. Yet, Bella was still the most prominent thing on my mind. I wondered about our future. What it would entail? Bella was fiercely independent, and from what Charlie has said, she had been for years.

Would she allow me to take care of her? Encourage her as she would me. The past couple of days had been a non-stop emotional and physical roller coaster. Would it always be like this? The thought was both frightening and heart-stoppingly good.

I wanted her and until she said she was bored with me, I'd stand beside her. My cell phone vibrated against my hip and I checked to see another text from Bella.

_**Had a break in the case, heading home in an hour.**_

I grinned and sent her a text, telling her that I'd be there waiting. Making my way to my apartment, I stripped the second I walked in the door. Within minutes, I was showered and ready to leave. Grabbing the things I'd bought earlier, I left with almost forty-five minutes to spare.

I thrummed my fingers on my steering wheel as I waited for the traffic light. My whole body hummed with the thought of seeing Bella soon. That was when I noticed my fingernails. Examining them more closely, I realized what it was.

_What have I done?_

Minutes later, the brakes screeched as I pulled in behind a blue car in Bella's driveway. I ran to her door, swinging it open with a hearty push on the knob. My eyes searched for my angel as I made my way through her house. I found her in the living room, sitting prettily on her couch, her eyes wide and in shock at the sight of me.

"Edward, wha—"

Not giving her a chance to talk, I pulled her into my arms, kissing her hard. "Are you all right?" I asked, roaming my hands over her. My hands stopped when I had handfuls of her ass in my hands. Her soft skin was warm under my fingers, and felt so freaking good. I wanted to lay her on the couch and touch her some more. But I had to know that she was all right.

"I know I hurt you earlier. I found blood under my fingernails. Why didn't you tell me that I broke your hym—" Her hand slapped over my mouth.

"Edward," she said, looking over my shoulder. Her face flushed and she looked mortified. "Say hi to our parents."

_Oh fuck._

**Dev**

Is it possible to die from laughing? Angel was on the ground, laughing beside me as he clutched his stomach. His wings were all up in my face, but I didn't care. The look on Edward's face was one of pure horror as his eyes met the evil glare of his mother, his father, and Charlie.

We tried to warn him. It was his fault he wouldn't listen to the little voices in his head.


	18. Acceptance

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Seventeen – Acceptance**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

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**Dev**

"What do you think he'll do?" I asked Angel as Edward realized that he just confessed in front of his parents and Charlie that he broke Bella's hymen with his fingers. Well almost, but the angry _adults _in the room seemed to have the gist of what he'd almost said.

I was more in awe of the fact that lucky fucker just made Bella's first time a tiny bit easier on her. Seriously, we all knew that he was going to be a three stoke bloke. Four pump chump, or maybe a five thrust bust. In other words, the second he got inside her he'd come like an American apple pie loving man.

"I think he'll sit down and have an uncomfortable but necessary conversation like an adult," Angel answered.

A voice behind us snorted. "Yeah, the kid's gonna faint," Vamp Bella snickered. I turned to look at her and my mouth watered at the sight of her, all leather and sexed up hair, leaning against Edward's neck. "Or at least pretend to faint. He's a momma's boy, after all. He'd use that to his advantage."

"Nice," I said, rubbing my hands together. "Taught him everything he knows." My fingers itched to caress the lovely exposed skin over her thigh-high boots.

"She'll kill him later for it," she said with a grin and disappeared with a puff of smoke.

I dropped to my knees and cried out for her. "My evil princess, come back to me!"

Angel patted my shoulder in an attempt to soothe me as my eyes closed, tears threatening to consume me. _I'm a drama king. Get over it. _I heard Angel's breath catch, and I looked up to see an angel, a sweet pint-sized version of Bella dressed in layers of white gossamer fabric.

She had these cute little bare feet and pink tinged cheeks with these wings that looked like they were made of fairy dust. Dude, I was so gone. I wanted to corrupt all that innocence.

By the look of Angel, so would he.

**Edward**

Why was my angel wearing a white dress? I was sure my hands were still on her ass when Bella pushed away from me slightly, but considering I had a hard on from the moment I saw I her, I held her tighter. Color rose in her cheeks, telling me she felt me against her stomach. She must've noticed my horror, because her eyes narrowed. I had to have looked desperate, because as I looked into her eyes, she gave me a tiny nod as if she understood.

_I'm sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you._

I was a fucking coward, but I wanted to live long enough to not die a virgin. Charlie would surely kill me and if he didn't, my embarrassment alone would.

So I feigned a faint.

The moment my body hit the floor, Bella pulled the best acting I'd ever heard. She fucking deserved an Emmy; no, a damn Oscar. "Darn it, I told him to eat." I heard her fall onto her knees beside my head. "He'd been busy cleaning his apartment and the last I'd heard from him, he said he was starving."

"My baby!" my mom cried out, her hands fluttering over her my chest, looking for injuries. "Did he hit his head?"

No, I hadn't hit my head when I hit the floor. My shoulder was cushion, and thankfully, Bella had a thick lush rug in the room. _I'm such an asshole._

"Give him room, dear," my father said from somewhere nearby.

"I'm sure he's fine," Charlie said gently. "He's probably light-headed. Bella, tickle him or something." Thanks a lot, Charlie. _You defiled his daughter in front of him, so you don't deserve his sympathy. _

Dev and Angel both started to hum the theme song to Jaws. My eyes remained closed for a while longer. I had no idea how Charlie would react to what I said. If his lethal glare was any indication, I would say he was thinking about castrating me. Worse, continue his lecture about safe sex. No punishment would be worse, but I'd rather face a knife. Maybe since my fingers were the culprits, he'd be satisfied with taking a few of them.

Someone lifted my head on their lap, and then I felt Bella's soft fingertips on my face. "Edward," she whispered, leaning in really close. I internally groaned because her scent always caused my body to react. I could almost smell the body wash that we both used when we showered together earlier. I twitched in my pants, but the moment my mom hands patted down my leg to ensure her of no broken bones, it deflated immediately.

"I'm going to fetch him some water," Mom said softly. "Where's the kitchen?" I heard Charlie respond to her question and their footsteps move away from me.

I felt the softness of Bella's lips on my forehead, then her breath against my ear. "You need to snap out of it before they insist on taking you to the hospital." They were words only meant for me, only a whisper. "You're so going to get it later." The threat however, was a fuck hot little growl.

I cringed and listened to her soft whispered instructions on how to play my part. There was a slow shake of my head, a fluttering of my lashes, a small groan of discomfort before I "came to." I heard my mother's relief and my father's rather unconcerned words, too.

The whole time, Vamp Bella was on my shoulder directing me in some movie, while she used Dev as her footrest. Who was I kidding; I'd be lucky to star in a diarrhea commercial.

I opened my eyes long enough to find Bella's warm ones alight with something dark. _Oh shit._ She was obviously not happy with me. I could deal with her anger, because I could easily kiss my brown-eyed beauty into submission. Our parents on the other hand, I'd rather not take the chance. I didn't think Charlie would appreciate my affection.

"See, honey, he's fine," my dad said softly. I could see him giving her a reassuring smile. Once he turned his attention on me, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. His dark brown hair curled around his ears and his bright green eyes were wide with speculation. He hadn't fallen for my deception for one second. He had always known when I was fibbing.

Charlie stood behind my beautiful angel with his arms folded across his chest. He looked concerned, but his stance told me he didn't like me enough to care. Maybe his concern was mostly for Bella. Still, the last ninety seconds were going down as the worst and best idea to prevent my ass from getting flayed.

If I could, I'd totally blame Dev.

"Water," I said in a choked whisper. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Bella's almost smug smile. Bella stood up as she helped me to sit up. My mother handed me a glass, and I took my time sipping and avoiding everyone's gaze. "I'm sorry. I hadn't expected that to happen."

"It's fine, sweetie," Mom cooed. "Did you hit your head?"

I shook my head and handed my glass back to her. She turned and handed it to my dad. "I'm fine, Mom. Just a little dizzy."

"Why didn't you have lunch? I knew you living out on your own would lead to you being underfed." My mother was, in her own way, having a conniption. She was usually a soft-spoken woman, and it would usually take a great deal to get her to raise her voice. The only time I had seen her yell was when I got hurt playing in a soccer game. She went all mama bear at the opposing team member for unnecessary roughness.

She even fashioned a stretcher from her jacket and my dad's to move me off the field. In front of everyone and I was thirteen years old. I never played sports after that.

I couldn't take the ridicule. I don't blame my mom at all, not really. I wasn't ever one to be really outgoing when it came to sports. I had usually preferred a book or computer.

"You need to eat," my mom insisted. "Yes, your father and I will go see what I can do in the kitchen." Oh shit, she was going to take over. However, my worry was unfounded.

"There's no need, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said. "I had made some lasagna for dinner for Edward and me before you dropped by."

"Oh," Mom said seemingly surprised, if her expression was indication. I could see her features softening for a second. "Did you get some from Mario's?"

I groaned. Here it comes. She was going to try to find something wrong with Bella. "Mom, Bella's an excellent cook."

"I'm sure she is," Mom said gently, patting my shoulder. "How would I know since you refuse to tell me anything?" _Here comes the guilt trip. _"I had to get my information all second hand from your aunt and cousin."

"Emmett," I growled as Charlie and my dad helped me onto my feet. "Did he put you up to coming over tonight? I told you that I'd bring Bella to Sunday dinner."

"I received a dinner invite via text from you," Charlie said, shrugging and looked as confused as my parents.

"So did we," Dad said firmly. "It was about thirty minutes ago." He turned to me and gave me a smile. "We arrived a few minutes before you blew in."

I blushed, hoping no one else decided to bring up that conversation again. "You all received a text from me?"

They nodded and then Bella laughed out loud. "Emmett," she said between laughs.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, but he's gotten a hold of my account online and can switch up my numbers and text from a computer."

"That explains why Bella was so surprised to see us," Mom said, smiling. "I thought for a few minutes that she had forgotten."

"I was sure Edward had thoughtlessly left me in a lurch," Bella teased. "Good to know that he isn't capable of doing such a thing." Her voice was sweet, soothing but there was an undercurrent of something lethal beneath it. She was going to hurt me.

"I would never do anything like that you, Bella." I gave her my best smile and instantly her features softened. She sighed softly and reached for my hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked sweetly. I nodded. She lifted herself to her tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. "You didn't land right, you sure?"

I shrugged. "Only a twinge in my back, nothing to worry about," I replied.

"All right," my father said. "We've obviously intruded enough. We should go and leave the two love birds alone."

"I had only made enough for two," Bella said, objecting. "But I'm sure if I make a salad we can all have dinner."

"No," my mom said. "Edward's father is right. We weren't invited and I'd hate for us to overstay our welcome."

"You _are_ welcome here," Bella protested. "I'm usually a very nice person, but I'm going to hurt Emmett for doing this to you and Edward." My mother laughed and patted Bella's shoulder gently.

"You do that, my dear," she said to Bella. "Please make sure I'm present so that I can take some comfort in his displeasure or discomfort. My nephew needs a few more doses of his own medicine."

Bella grinned and nodded. "You need to hear what my father had made Jasper and Emmett after forcing Edward to steal my purse."

"Oh, I'd love to hear all about it," my mom said, almost gleefully. It was obvious that she'd take great pleasure in their discomfort after messing with me. _Damn, I love my mom._

"How about we head over to Mario's and we can discuss it and-" Charlie paused and smiled "-our kids over dinner."

"That would be lovely," my mom said.

Oh man, Charlie is going to learn every embarrassing thing about me. Bella groaned out loud. "Dad," Bella hissed. "Remember, I know everything about you, too. And I _know_ people."

Charlie only grinned and shrugged. "I would never bad mouth my little girl." Bella rolled her eyes and gave him a swift kiss on the cheek. I swept out of the room quickly to move my car from behind my dad's. How the fuck hadn't I realized it was his when I drove in earlier?

Once I finished parking out in front, I met them all out in the driveway. "We'll see you on Sunday, Mom," I said. I gave her a squeeze as she kissed my cheek.

My father pulled me into hug and whispered something about safety that had me blushing. Bella's smile after I pulled away from him told me she knew exactly what my father had said. They left after telling Charlie they'd get a table for them. Charlie punched my shoulder as they drove away, which I'd come to know his was his usual method of saying goodbye to another man.

"I think we still need to have a talk," he said as Bella made her way inside. "Though I think you should have one with Bella first. She's going to be embarrassed about what I think happened."

"Nothing happened," I said immediately. "All PG, Sir." God, I am an awful liar.

He looked skeptical "I was young once, too, Edward. So I have an idea of what you were saying earlier when you came in. There's no need to lie. I'm not like most parents. I may be overprotective but I'm not going to shield her from everything for the rest of her life."

This was obviously more about Bella's desire to join the FBI than about what may or may not have occurred between Bella and me. "I don't want to her to join either," I said softly. "But I won't stand in her way."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Charlie said gravely. "I think you may be the only thing keeping her here. She was already making plans behind my back to leave."

"She was?"

"Yeah, but it was mostly rumors. You can never trust those acting folks at the theatre she works at."

"I'll talk to her," I said warily. I was fucking petrified at the idea of her leaving the city. What would that mean for us? "Maybe she'll talk to me about her future endeavors."

Charlie shook his head. "You're just as formal as your parents," he said, patting my back hard. "I hope you're not like that with Bella all the time."

"No, not really," I said smiling.

"She's just as new to all this as you seem to be. When you go in there she's going to be mad that you put her on the spot to avoid the issue of a broken hy-"

I raised my hands defensively. "Charlie," I hissed. "There are some things I will not talk to you about. That includes any of Bella's private parts."

"Damn, Emmett's right. It is fun to get you all riled up and embarrassed." He grinned and ran off to his car.

Fucking Emmett.

I rubbed my hand over my face and tried to forget the last few minutes of my conversation with Charlie. However, it was futile. Charlie had to have his own set of talking mini versions of himself. I was positive they were both devils.

I entered Bella's house after a minute of a mediocre pep talk to myself. I would try to convince her with my sincere apology that I was only protecting something she loved. And that was my life.

I would tell her that when I had realized that our parents were in the room, my only thought had been that Charlie would kill me and my parents would mortify me to death.

However, I had never expected her reaction. The moment the door closed behind me, she attacked me. It was roaming soft hands, lips and teeth. "That was so hot," she murmured against my neck. "You acted so fucking awesome, almost perfect." She moaned as I drove my fingers in her hair and pulled her head back long enough to see that she was aroused and not angry at me.

"You're not mad?" I asked as I bent to run my lips over her neck.

"No," she gasped as her fingers tore at my t-shirt so she could pull it off. "I knew exactly what you thought you had to do to escape their reactions to what you said and what you were doing."

My shirt was thrown somewhere behind her shoulder. She pushed me against the door more roughly, seeking my lips again. Shit, she was like fire in my arms. "Damn, I want you," she purred and licked at my lips, earning a small growl from me.

I shook my head to clear some of the lust-filled haze that filled my brain with mush. "I'm fucking confused," I groaned, pulling away, but only long enough to breathe. Once I took a breath again, I pulled her mouth back to mine. Groaning with relief that she wasn't angry, I held her close and tasted her mouth.

Her curious fingers touched and teased my chest and abdomen with lethal precision. I was precariously close to coming already. Her lips left mine and trailed further down my body. "I never been with anyone so attuned to me. I never met someone that could easily pick up what I was trying to say. And it was so hot how you fooled everyone that you passed out."

I groaned as she went on her knees. "Bella, you don't have to do that," I said desperately.

"I know you want to do this after we've had sex and I agree. But may I at least taste you?" she asked, her voice sweet and seductive. How could I say no to that?

"Okay," I squeaked. Yes, I fucking squeaked. There was a gorgeous girl on her knees in front of my very uncomfortable jeans asking if it was okay for her to taste me. Any guy who hadn't done something like that would find it hard to talk, too.

"Oh, you're so cute," she whispered as her fingers went to the button on my jeans. "I love you."

"Oh God," I gasped as her fingers wrapped around my length. I fucking whimpered at this point. "I love you." Then I felt her mouth.

Holy shit. Angels sung, harps could be heard along with a full on orchestra that started a heart-stopping piece. The room brightened and warmed instantly. Bella's mouth was my cock's home, but then again maybe her pussy would be its home, and her mouth would be a luxury inn it stayed in occasionally. I hoped.

I needed to stop thinking and start feeling.

Her mouth was warm and very wet. I could feel the slightly bumpy texture of her tongue on the sensitive head. "Bella," I groaned as she licked. "You've been researching again, haven't you?" I had no idea if what she was doing was right, but it felt like heaven. "Fucking hell." I groaned again as her tongue licked along a vein and over the tip again. "Enough, baby."

I did not want to come all over her pretty face. I grabbed her from under her arms and hauled her over my shoulder. I slapped her butt, rubbing it afterward. "I thought you were mad because I faked it."

"Nope," she said, giggling. "You didn't let me finish." I could almost hear her pouting. I pulled up my jeans high enough to walk back inside the living room. Once there, I dropped her onto the couch and covered her body with mine. Her face was flushed, her lips red and swollen. Fuck, she looked too good to be true.

"Hi," she said softly. She shifted some hair from forehead and smiled.

"Hi," I whispered. "You're fucking incredible."

"You are, too."

"Do you get this hot and bothered over all male actors?"

She looked hurt by my accusation, but she covered it quickly. "Just you."

"Good," I said warily. How could I possibly keep her to myself?

She took my face in her hands and whispered little kisses all over me. "Just you, I love you. Just you."

I sighed in contentment. For now, she was mine.

~oOo~

After my almost blow job, we simply talked in each other's arms. We discussed what happened earlier. She hadn't said anything while we were at the hotel because she'd been a little embarrassed. It was unexpected for me to break her hymen with my fingers. She knew it was possible, but she was unprepared for that outcome. She was scared of my reaction, too.

I asked if I'd hurt her, she said no. It wasn't until after I made her come that she felt a little sore. After coming home, she'd taken a bath and managed to feel better.

"Were you going to tell me?" I asked as I brushed the tips of my fingers over her face.

"Yes," she said softly, closing her eyes. "I was going to tell you tonight."

Our stomachs rumbled at the same time. We laughed and kissed each other once more before I pulled her up from the couch.

We shared a quiet dinner and discussed her play that would open in two weeks. "I have rehearsal every night, except for two days next week."

"Your birthday," I said. "Emmett mentioned it was next week."

"Yeah, we're apparently going camping and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You'll be fine." I took her hand and brought to my lips. "I always wanted to do it in the woods."

She giggled and tugged on my hand until my lips met hers. "So have I. Slasher camp movies always made me laugh."

"Of course they do," I mumbled. "You a scream queen?"

"I don't have big enough boobs for that, but I'm a screamer." She smirked and I could tell she was teasing me.

"Your boobs are pretty spectacular to me," I said grinning. "I want to hear you scream." I mockingly leered at her, causing her to laugh.

She cocked an eyebrow and rolled her eyes. "Remember you asked for it." She took a deep breath and screamed. The sound was ear bleeding shrill that made my heart flip over twice.

The moment she stopped, my ears started to ring. She smiled and shrugged. "You are a scream queen."

Bella's brow furrowed then a big, bright smile stretched across her face. "What is it?" I asked.

"I think I found a way to make Emmett pay for all these little pranks of his."

I smiled. "I'm listening."

~oOo~

It was late by the time the movie we had put on finished, and Bella was fast asleep in my arms. I picked up the remote from her nightstand to turn off her bedroom television. However, I had only turned off the blue-ray player and her satellite guide came up. Stupid fucking confusing remotes.

The guide showed what she had last been watching. Porn. She had bought a few different things on the adult pay per view channels. I had a feeling when our parents arrived they had disturbed her. I slipped from under the covers, laying Bella on her side. I walked into the bathroom, sure enough, I found her little finger vibrator hastily thrown in the sink.

After she had _tasted_ me, we hadn't bothered with bringing each other to orgasm. Mainly because we had things to discuss, this seemed more important than getting off. However, now that we had our discussion, I really wanted to make her come.

I was hard.

"Edward," she said from her bed. "Are you changing for bed?"

"Yes," I said. I threw off my shirt and stripped down to my boxers. Once I was beside her bed, Bella shook her head. "What?"

"You have too many clothes on," she said, biting her delectable lip. "You can't come on this bed with clothes on."

I smirked and dropped my boxers. "I can live with that." I grabbed the covers and roughly pulled them from her grasp. "But that rule has to apply to you, too."

She grinned and kicked off the rest of the blanket off her, exposing her body. Every inch of her naked, and it was a little cold in her room, either that, or she was really happy to see me.

"Come to bed," she murmured, grabbing my hip and pulling me toward her.

We hadn't made love yet, because I wanted to make sure she wouldn't be too sore our first time. I had made her come with my fingers again. It would happen soon, and not until we were both ready.

~oOo~

Days had passed since I'd last seen Bella, with school, rehearsal and her consulting there was hardly any time to see each other. We had spent the past lonely hours texting each other and talking when we could. I fucking missed the hell out of her.

I was dropping off my overnight bag at her house when I had received a text from her. I was supposed to sleepover for the next three days at her place. Emmett was unfortunately with me when I got the all clear to drop off my stuff.

"Dude, it's like you're moving in," he said.

"I'm not moving in," I said. Though I really wished I could. I wasn't scared of spending my life with Bella, because she was it for me. However, I was more scared of what our parents would think. We were young and moving rather fast. If I thought it, so would they.

I looked at Bella's text and groaned. "Fucking tease," I hissed at my screen. She had sent me a picture of the heels she was wearing. Her cute little toes painted a vibrant green and strapped in sexy shoes. I loved it.

"Ugh, are you and Bella sexting?" Emmett asked.

I only grinned. He pushed me out the door in disgust. The three of us were supposed to have dinner since Rosalie had kicked his ass out for waking up the baby. Another text from Bella said she wanted us to pick her up at rehearsal. My cell phone rang as I pulled out of the driveway. It was my angel.

"Hi, baby," I cooed into my phone. Emmett pretended to barf from the passenger seat. I rolled my eyes. "Are you almost ready?"

"The director is being an asshole. We're going through a few scenes one last time. I should be done in about twenty minutes. Wait for me outside."

Her voice had risen toward the end, but I had no clue why. "All right. Emmett and I will be waiting."

"Thank you, see you in a bit. Love you." She smooched into the phone and I blushed as I did the same. Emmett gaped at me and shook his head.

"Pussy."

"At least I'm getting some," I retorted, I knew he wouldn't be getting any for several weeks.

He huffed angrily. "Asshole."

I laughed. "We haven't actually done it yet," I said with a sigh.

"You can't really plan that kind of shit out, Edward," he said as I turned onto the street where the theatre was. "I know you well enough. You plan every fucking minute of your day."

"I haven't," I said in response. "I haven't since the day you made me snatch a purse."

"Good. Bella's life has been nothing but endless schedules. She fucking works too much. She needs you to help bring a bit of fun and spontaneity into her life. When _it _happens, it'll be because you both wanted it so badly, you couldn't help yourselves."

"I like that," I said softly. I parked the car near the side entrance of the theatre. Looking over, I could see Emmett's smile. "That's the nicest thing you've had to say about me and Bella."

"All pranks aside, I love you both."

I clutched my heart. "Oh man, are you gonna cry?" I pretended to wipe tears from my eyes. He smacked my head, causing me to hit my window. I grinned. "I love her and you have nothing to worry about."

"Come on," he said, sniffling. Was he really crying? "Let's go see what she's doing."

I hesitated. "She said for us to wait outside for her."

He looked mildly disgusted at me. "Are you going to do everything your woman says?"

"If I want to continue to taste her tasty lips, then yes," I said firmly.

He gagged, coughing. "For some reason, I don't think you're referring to the lips are her face."

I grinned, and he gagged again. Damn, this was so much fun.

"Well, I'm going to go see." He jumped out of the car, walked over to the side entrance, and went inside.

I starred at the door and warred with myself for a second. Dev on my right shoulder asked Angel, "Do you think he should go inside?" Angel smiled and nodded.

It looked like I was going in. I locked my car and walked inside. There were a few people walking around aimlessly. It looked like I had stumbled backstage. I could see Emmett near some dark curtains, his hands fisted to his side for some reason.

There were moans and groans from the stage. I walked up to him and his eyes widened when he saw me. "Let's go back to the car," he said quickly, grabbing my arm.

"Why? Is Bella onstage?" I grinned and tried to look past him. He shook his head and that was when I realized he looked pale.

I pushed past him and saw what he had seen. No wonder he looked fucking sick. Bella was on some guy's lap, with a bra and panties on, moaning.

Emmett stood beside me, as Bella ground her hips against the dude in the chair, earning a deep groan. "Dude, you're never gonna be able to tell when she's faking it," Emmett whispered.

I felt my face heat up in embarrassment and anger.

What the fuck!

I had said my last thought that out loud, causing her and the asshole to look up at me. She paled and jumped off the guy's lap. The office chair they were in, rolled across the stage as she made her way to me. She turned quickly to apologize for the interruption to someone off stage. "Hey, we're almost done," she said, her face all flushed.

"What the hell are you doing on some guy's lap?" I hissed. She looked as if she were confused, perhaps even ready to give me some sort of reply. "How could you do this shit me, Bella, when barely two days ago you had me in your mouth."

"Dude," Emmett mumbled beside me. He tried to grab me but I pushed away from him.

"Edward!" Bella said angrily. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with me? I caught you going at it with another actor. I fucking knew it, that's the real reason you got all hot and bothered the other day, because I had been acting. I bet you do this shit with all your male leads."

Her face contorted in anger and hurt. The deathly quiet whisper of her next words told me I had gone too far. Tear after tear started to fall from her eyes.

"I told you I'd been researching a part. I'm playing a hooker. This is that part and this is what I do." She shook her head as I took a step toward her. Fuck. "You basically called me a slut and after you promised not to hurt me."

Her eyes looked somewhat wild for a moment, before determination crossed her features. Then she kicked me in the balls. I groaned and fell to the floor with a grunt. It was only fair. I had hurt her. And I had told her if I ever said or did anything to hurt her to kick me.

My eyes closed as pain radiated from my balls to my back and maybe a little to my gut. Fucking hell. "Bring him back to my place when he's ready," she said to Emmett. I tried to grab her ankle as she passed, but she easily pulled away.

"That is if he's ever ready to accept me. _All_ of me."

~oOo~

I had known going into a relationship with Bella, once I learned her IQ, that it would not be easy. I had her insecurities to battle through; however, I had never accounted for my own.

I wasn't angry anymore. If I had been thinking straight, I would've known she was acting; playing a part, as she had said. The moans I heard on stage were nothing like those I heard in while I touched her.

She'd been acting. This was one aspect of who she was that I have to live with. There were going to be parts in her acting career that I would not like. That much had been obvious.

However, it was the thought that I wasn't enough to keep her interested that had me accusing her as I had. After all, we hadn't had sex yet. The man she'd been grinding on was worthy of modeling for Calvin Klein underwear. And I was just me.

I had to find a way to get her to forgive me. Emmett said to buy her candy and flowers and beg for forgiveness. Rosalie said to serenade her. Alice said I was fucking doomed. Jasper wasn't answering his phone. It had taken a while to think of a way back into Bella's heart again.

Emmett and I had spent the last few hours going through every dumpster down the same alleyway and those close to where Bella was mugged days earlier. I cleared my throat, because it had suddenly gone dry as I stood outside her house.

What if she didn't forgive me?

I knocked on her door and waited. Moments later, she opened the door slightly, and I could see her profile. Her eyes were red, and beneath them, slightly puffy. I held up the three dozen light purple roses up.

"You had to know that flowers wouldn't work on me, Edward," she said softly, refusing to open her door fully.

"Yes, I know. They're only to cover up my BO." I smiled, hoping to get her to do the same. I could see a slight twitch of her lips. Her eyes roamed over me. She had to see my disheveled appearance, and the gunk on my clothes, the rip in my jeans and shirt.

"I was hoping this would get you to open the door and allow me to explain," I said softly, holding up the purse that was stolen. The same purse she had said her mother had given to her before she had died.

The twitch at the corners of her mouth almost caused them to curl upward. "Guess that explains why you smell like a dumpster."

"Yeah, the guy at the one hour cleaner charged me triple because I insisted on waiting while you're purse was cleaned." I gave her a small smile and shifted uncomfortably in my jeans. I had a roach or something crawling up my leg.

"I don't think I can let you in my house," she said softly, almost reluctantly. "You really hurt me."

The small smile I had fell instantly. "I know. And you did exactly what I said to do if I ever had."

She grinned then, my heart flipping over again. Yes!

"Wait, there's more," I said, handing her the purse and flowers. I cleared my throat and pulled out my clarinet from behind my back. She started to laugh and opened her door fully, waiting. "It's been a while and I didn't think you'd appreciate my singing."

"I've heard you in the shower," she said, giggling. "So did all the dogs in the neighborhood."

I laughed and cleared my throat again. Then I gave her on hell of show, one that would make Kenny G envious.

Bella clapped after I had finished and smiled. "Strip," she said. "You're not brining those clothes into my house."

"Ah, I knew I'd get to you to forgive me," I said, immediately doing as she asked. "It was the purse that did it, wasn't it?"

She shook her head and laughed. "Then what?"

She pulled me inside, kissing me and murmured, "Just that you came to me."


	19. Trust

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Eighteen – Trust**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

I turned on Bella's shower and stepped inside. Water cascaded over my face and back as I tried to process what I needed to say to Bella. Though I knew I had said some fucked up shit to her face, she had kept things from me. That hurt more than anything she'd done, even the swift kick to the balls. Didn't she trust me?

All right, I'd admit the fact that my reaction was far from favorable, but fuck, it was a knife to the heart to see her with someone else. If she decided to step back into the spotlight, I'd have to get used to the fact that she'd be with other men in the same manner as that prick on stage. Could I handle that shit?

Yes, I could; only because I couldn't walk away from someone like her. I loved Bella, however, it was time we put it all on the line. No more secrets.

I opened my eyes to find my scented body wash/shampoo combo on the shower caddy. When had she gotten that? Well fuck, now I felt like a total schmuck. She'd gone out of her way to make sure I'd be comfortable in her home. I'd been given a chance to make amends, but how would I avoid doing and saying shit that would hurt her? There was a knock on the door as I started to wash up. "Yeah?"

The door clicked open, and I heard the sound of her slipper-covered feet move across the tile. "Hey, Emmett said you hadn't eaten, so I popped in a frozen pizza. It should be ready in ten minutes."

I opened the shower a bit, to find her eyes trained on her feet. "Look at me, baby," I said. She shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because I'd want to join you," she murmured.

"I don't see a problem with that," I teased.

Her eyes snapped to mine. "I think we need to talk first." Oh fuck. Something in my face might have prompted her to continue. "It's not like that, Edward."

I nodded and sighed. "I am really sorry for the things I said."

"I know," she said with a tight smile. "I'll wait for you downstairs."

With that said, she left. Fuck. I was about to have an anxiety attack. What if she really couldn't forgive me? What if she couldn't trust me? _She has trust issues. _Charlie's words popped in my head at that moment. Something must've happened in her past that led to her to not divulge everything.

Angel whispered in my ear, "She mentioned that she played a hooker."

Dev added, "Remember the outfit in jail, that's why she had it."

The warning signs were there, but she hadn't come out and told me she'd be doing that onstage. Would she have if I hadn't seen her onstage? I finished up and quickly dressed in a pair of clean boxers Bella had on the bathroom counter; ones I had left days earlier.

"I bought you a robe," she said from behind the door. "I need to tell you to stay away from windows."

She didn't elaborate so I only acknowledged that I heard her. On a hook behind the door was a long green robe. She bought me body wash and a robe, and I had no idea how to deal with that. I'd never had anyone besides my parents purchasing me things. It was a little weird.

"Get over it," Dev hissed, "before you make another excuse to piss her off."

Angel nodded in agreement. "She's not your typical girl."

From the very beginning, I'd known that Bella wasn't like anyone else I'd ever met. She had taken me by surprise whenever I thought I had her figured out.

I slid into the robe and walked downstairs. Bella was by the front door, talking on a cell phone. "Yes, Dad," she said softly. "There's about fifty of them practically sitting on my front lawn. Edward's here. . . Yes, he's not going to be able to leave until they do."

"What's going on?" I asked as I approached her.

She put a finger to her lips and waved me over. From one of the side windows, she gestured me look outside, holding the curtain aside a little. "They found out about my part at the theatre and they're all over it. Little Miss Dish is now Little Miss Naughty." She sighed and continued to talk to her dad. "You know how I feel about bodyguards. Let's not forget the Felix incident, you thought you trusted him."

I tapped her shoulder and asked for the phone. "Hey, Charlie," I said. "Call Jasper and Emmett, they'd help her out."

"That's a good idea," he said. "She'd be more comfortable."

"And they both work for themselves," I pointed out. "They work mostly from home so they'd be able to help out for now."

"All right," Charlie replied. "I'll give them a call. Don't let her go out to talk to them, not until Jasper, Emmett and her agent get there tomorrow morning."

"I'll do what I can."

After a brief goodbye with Charlie, Bella stepped away from the door and into the living room. She walked into the kitchen and started to cut the oven bake pizza with a pizza cutter. "Are you all right?"

She shrugged. "I'm fine," she hissed, cutting a little harder than needed. "I knew this would happen if they found me and now it's too late for me to back out of the part."

"You would've?" I asked, surprised.

Her eyes snapped to mine. "Yes, it bothered you. I have a very good understudy and she would've loved the chance to take the part from me." She said it all in an increasingly raised voice. "However, now the media is involved and if I drop out," she threw the pizza cutter in the sink and grabbed some plates, "I'll be considered a coward. I can deal with criticism, since I've dealt with it for most of my life. I draw the line at being accused of cowardice."

She slammed the cabinet and closed her eyes. Her breathing began to slow. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why are you apologizing to me?" I asked, taking the massacred pizza and plates from her. "I'm the reason they found you. If I hadn't stolen your purse, we wouldn't have been filmed, and the video shown on the news where you were recognized."

"You wouldn't have stolen my purse if it hadn't been for your family," she said firmly. "Besides, I don't blame you or them for that. Our relationship wouldn't be where it is now if things hadn't occurred as they had."

"Explain that, because that makes no sense to me." I grabbed a couple of drinks from her fridge and her arm, leading us to the countertop of the snack bar.

Bella sighed and refused to meet my eyes as she sat down. "I don't trust people easily. It takes me a considerable amount of time for me to even warm up to someone. When Alice made the blind date between us, I had already made up an excuse to back out of it." I tensed at the thought of never having the chance to meet her.

"Why do you have a hard time trusting people, baby?"

She inhaled deeply, taking a sip of water before she answered. "Do you remember in the second season of Little Miss, we had ended it with Emily getting a friend?"

Emily Dish was the name of Bella's character on the show. "Yes, um, I think his name was Henry."

"Yes, well what you don't know is that his mother befriended mine early on in the season, and Alec, his real name, had become my best friend. I knew that once the school year started that I'd never see him so I asked if they'd give him a part. He was a natural on the set so he got it."

I dreaded what she had to say, she couldn't have been more than eight years old at the time. "What happened?" I asked, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I overheard him and his mother talking with his agent. He was a spoiled rich kid, mean as he told his mother and agent that he couldn't stand the sight of me. That he wanted a bigger part and that he should be the star of the show."

"He and his mother used you."

She nodded, and I could see the tears forming I her eyes. I took her face in my hands and kissed her soft lips. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, baby. I take it he was removed from the show."

"Yes," she said, a big smile forming. Devi-Bella had worn the same smile whenever she popped up. "At the time, I was exploring a horror movie role and wanted to see if I could scare him. I didn't know little boys can scream like that."

I laughed, because she actually looked so cute being so devilish. "Tell me," I pressed. "What did you do?"

She shrugged. "I was an actress, so I played my part very well. My dad even helped. Alec was napping in his dressing room and the power had suddenly gone out. I appeared and looked very much the part of dead little girl, bent on revenge." She said this in a haunting voice that brought chills up my spine. Damn, she was good. "The moment his eyes met my red contacts, he screamed like a little girl, wet himself, and ran, never to return again."

"You were so mean," I said with a laugh. "Remind me not to cross you again." I laid my hand on my still sensitive crotch and groaned. "Then again, I know exactly how you'll react to pissing you off."

"You deserved it," she said softly. "You really hurt me."

"I know," I replied. "You have to know that it really hurt _me_ to see you like that with someone else. I wasn't thinking. The only thought I had at the time was that you didn't want me."

"How could you think that?" she asked and her eyes were wide and glistening. "I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, but I care so much about you."

"I know," I said, taking both of her hands in my mine and pulling her onto my lap. "You're beautiful, fiercely independent, fucking smart…" I sighed and tried to sort the jumble of words in my head into something that made sense. "When I saw you with him, I thought I wasn't good enough for you."

"Oh, Edward," she whispered, her nose brushing along my jaw until her mouth was at me ear. "I love you, think of you, and want only you." Her lips kissed found their way toward mine, kissing me, leaving me defenseless against her. "I'm so sorry you felt like that."

I tightened my arms around her, holding her as close as possible. "Please," I said. "Please don't keep things from me. I understand that you hadn't had to answer to anyone in some time, but all I ask is that you tell me everything. I want to know all about you."

"A part of me knew it would hurt you," she said. "I was going to tell you more about the role, since I know you would've wanted to attend the opening. I was scared you'd get angry."

I nodded, that made sense. "Next time just tell me. To find out as I did wasn't fun."

She sighed and kissed me again, her fingers slid from around my neck up into my hair. I groaned when I realized that she wasn't wearing a bra under the t-shit she was wearing. I forced our lips apart and rested my forehead against the crook of her neck, catching my breath. "I love you," I whispered. "I think we need to slow down a little. Get to know each other a little better."

Her arms tightened around me, but remained silent. Her body tense. "It doesn't mean I don't want you," I said quickly. She trembled and sighed. "I don't want you to think this is all I want from you."

She pulled back to look at me. "I know that already," she said. "But I understand what you're trying to do." She pouted. "I was really hoping I'd lose my virginity by my birthday."

Her birthday was the following week. _Next week. __**Next week!**_

I coughed and choked in shock. Bella jumped off my lap and handed me my drink. I took a tentative sip and a deep breath. Her hand ran down my back to soothe me; unfortunately, it had the adverse effect and had me hard in seconds. Damn this woman.

"What's your hurry?" I asked once I managed to breathe again.

She shrugged and took her seat on her stool again. "We know how we feel about each other, it's inevitable, and I want you."

"Simple as that," I grumbled.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, that must've sounded a bit detached." She shook her head. "I have a hard time expressing myself emotionally through words. I think I got that from my dad. It's just, for me, Edward, why wait?"

"I get where you're coming from," I said, after eating a few bites of pizza. I wanted to make sure what I said next wouldn't hurt her. "Because I feel the same way, but we have gone about our relationship in a very backwards kind of way. We've managed, what, two dates?" I shook my head and took a sip of water. "I haven't taken you out to dinner."

"You're right," she said. "And now, we can't, at least until the media attention moves onto the next thing." She rolled her eyes. "The theater group loves every second of it."

"I'm sure they do," I said.

"I know you can't come to my play," she said softly. "I understand completely."

I sighed and looked at her. "I'll come, but you're going to have to give me some kind of warning so I can cover my eyes and stick my fingers in my ear."

"It's only three scenes," she said.

I groaned. "I'm taking an iPod."

She giggled and pecked my lips chastely. She got up and took our empty plates to the sink. "Maybe a sleep mask would be a good idea, too."

"Please tell me that the guy you're doing those things with is gay," I said, internally praying.

"Sorry," she said and looked at me. "You don't have to worry, he does nothing for me."

I had to go to her, to touch her. It'd been days since I had and after what happened, I _needed_ to. "I don't understand how he doesn't," I said, sliding my arms around her waist. "He looked like some male model or something."

"Oh really?" she teased and wiggled her bottom against my crotch. I hissed and flicked my tongue along her neck and took her earlobe between my teeth. "You noticed that he was good looking?"

"Like you hadn't," I replied and slipped my hands beneath her top. Fuck, she was so warm. "Even though, he's never made you come, has he?" I had no idea what was driving me to touch her as I was, talking to her in such a way.

"No," she moaned as my hands grasped her breasts. "Only you." She was warm, her nipples pebbled under my touch. "I thought…I thought you wanted to slow down."

"_That _is not happening tonight," I whispered. "It shouldn't happen on the same night I made you cry and said such awful things." She nodded and melted against me. "But I _need_ to make you come." Could she hear the desperation in my voice?

"Why?" she asked, trying to reach for me again.

Instead of answering, I asked a question of my own. "Did he react to your touch, to the sounds you were making?"

She stilled and it was enough to know the answer. "Edward…don't," she said frantically, again trying to reach for me. When I didn't allow her to, she tried to talk to me. "He apologized, said he couldn't help himself."

"Who could blame him," I growled and bit softly into her neck. "With this body against him." It was then that I understood why I was acting as I was. I wanted to show her that only I could make her feel like this. I had to know that only I could make her come. If she were in the right frame of mind, she'd probably try to soothe me. I didn't want to be soothed. I wanted to possess her.

She gasped and moaned, moving her hips harder against my cock. "Fuck," I hissed and instinctively bucked against her. I shook my head and kissed her mouth when she reached for me. "This about you, baby."

I forced myself take a step back. "Just you, Bella." She moaned and tried to turn around. I stopped her. If she looked at me with those warm, loving eyes of hers, I'd forget all about waiting a while. Besides, I wanted this to be about her and not about me getting off, too.

"Put your hands on the counter in front of you," I said huskily. She did as I asked quickly. Fuck yes! She was doing as I demanded, that was incredibly appealing. Dev threw on leather pants and grabbed a flogger, looking like the badass I felt like. "That's nice, very nice."

If I could take a picture, I would. She stood in front of the sink, her hands clutching to the counter as her body trembled with need. I rolled each of her nipples between my fingers, eliciting a sweet moan. Her ass moved back, her legs spreading as if I alone were silently commanding her body.

Jedi mind tricks—what I'd do with that power.

Her legs twisted and sought friction, her soft, sweet thighs rubbed together. Her shorts displayed her incredible legs, her ass all snug and cute. I wanted to bite it. Since her shorts were made of a thin material, I could tell she was wearing either a thong or no panties at all. I had to find out for myself.

"Keep your hands there," I said firmly. Slowly, I slid my hands from her breasts and caressed her sides. She moaned in protest, her hips searching for friction. Fuck, I did this to her. Not that asshole on stage. _Me_. My fingers splayed across her abdomen, the tip of my pinkie circled her belly button. I was the only one that knew that this spot was one that caused her to…

"Oh my God," she moaned, her head falling back. Smugly, I continued my mission to get inside her shorts. Dev was now in army fatigues, giving me the signal to slip my fingers beneath the elastic band of her shorts.

No fucking panties; damn, I loved this woman.

"You have such soft skin," I said, leaning in to whisper in her ear. "But do you know where you're the softest?" She mumbled something that I couldn't understand, her body quaking in my hands. _My_ very capable hands. I cupped her, causing her to move insistently against me. "Mmm, it's also the warmest." I slipped a finger inside her, this time we both moaned in pleasure. She was tight, soft and warm.

"Who does this to you?" I asked, circling where she needed me most.

"Only you," she gasped, moving her hips against my finger. "More, please." I smiled against her neck and grazed my teeth along her shoulder, slipping another finger inside her. I slowed my thrusts, which earned me a little growl.

"Hmm," I whispered by her ear. "I like that you want me." I moved my foot, tapped each of hers, and asked her to spread her legs a little wider. "That's it, love." When I removed my fingers from inside her, she cried out in protest. "Shh, I just want to try something."

"Edward," she moaned and bucked against me. "It's been days, please."

"Don't you play with yourself?" I asked. Damn, I really watched too much porn. I had expected her to turn around and slap me for asking something so personal, but of course, this was my Bella. She seemed to love it.

I slipped my slick fingers over her clit, causing her to whimper. She shook her head. "Do you?" she asked breathlessly. My hand ran over her hip, and I palmed her gorgeous ass. Her shorts pooled at her feet.

"Every day to my memories of you," I said, helping her step out of her shorts. "Do you know how I know that you're _not_ faking it with me?" She tensed and that was expected. I had once again broached the subject of what happened earlier. "Because when I do this," I slipped a finger insider her, from behind. A long moan escaped her as her head fell forward, panting. "You only make that sound for me. It's nothing like what I heard on stage."

"Edward," she moaned and gasped as I slid another finger inside her. Her muscles clenched around me, deliciously. This time I groaned out loud. To feel her so tight around me would shatter me in seconds.

"That's it, baby," I cooed. "Let go for me." My free hand ran over her hip and slid over her clit, eliciting a flurry of sounds and movement. It was fucking music to my ears. Her head turned enough for my mouth to close over hers, my fingers and her hips working in tandem. With a few more strokes, she exploded, crying out _my _name.

Her orgasm was long, tense, and fucking awesome to watch and hear. I wrapped my arms around her the second her knees buckled. "I got you, baby," I said as I swept her into my arms.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, nuzzling my cheek. "You wiped me out," she said in an accusing tone. Her eyes fluttered closed as she laid her head on my shoulder. "I wanted to do the same for you." She yawned and tried to protest when I carried her upstairs.

"Not tonight, Bella," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "Let's go to bed."

She nodded and kissed my neck. "I love you, Edward."

I gave her a smile. "I know." Everything she'd said made me believe her fully. We both just needed to communicate and get over our insecurities. It would take time, but she was worth it.

Once I laid her in bed, she curled to her side and reached out for me. First, I cleaned her up with a warm towel and held her close after I locked up. Her head rested on my chest in sleep, as I thought about what the next couple of weeks would bring.

There was opening night, where I'd surely lose my shit no matter how prepared I was. There was the camping trip the weekend of Bella's birthday, and there was one thing I wanted to do. I wanted to give her what she wanted for her birthday.

That meant I had to build my stamina. I hoped that if I jacked off enough, I'd be able to get her off when we finally made love. That also meant that we needed to cool down, just a little, until we get to the main event.

Dev, in his tuxedo and a mike cleared his throat. In the middle of a giant bed, he smirked at a tempting mini Devi-Bella, who crooked her finger. "Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuumble!"


	20. Opening Night

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Nineteen – Opening Night**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

* * *

I was nervous, and I had a lot of reason to be. For one, I hadn't seen Bella in days. Second, she canceled on Sunday's dinner with my parents, since her director was on a warpath and hadn't let them go home early. Then, finally, it was opening night.

I'd told Bella that I had no problem with her play; she was acting, and I understood the difference. However, despite all that, I knew I'd fucking run from the audience ready to hit something and vomit, if I had to watch her pretend to fuck some guy on the stage. Life was so damn unfair to me as of late.

Yet, I'd grin and bear it for her, because of my feelings for her. I would be there for her, because I was sure she'd be there for me if she were in my shoes. Of course, I didn't have an ounce of the talent she possessed, so the chances of me being in a play were non-existent.

The morning after that delightful tryst in the kitchen, we'd gone over some of her lines. The death scene had me almost calling me 9-1-1. She was that convincing. I will_ never_ pretend to hit her again! I hadn't had an asthma attack in years until that moment.

She made me feel all better with her wonderful wet mouth. Good times. After that, Dev said I should try faking another attack. It hadn't worked though; Bella saw right through me. This was one of the many reasons why I loved my girl—she wouldn't put up with my shit. She'd call me on it.

It'd been an interesting couple of weeks, and it all started with a gargantuan purse and a prank. I pulled into the front of Emmett's house. Rose and Alice had taken Bella to an early dinner and would take her to the theatre. "Hey, baby," I said, calling her on my cell.

"Edward," she said with a sweet sigh. It was the same one that sounded content and thoroughly worn out. The same sound she made after recovering every time I made her cum on my fingers. Of course, my southern region reacted accordingly. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I replied and decided to wait in my car. Just in case Emmett tried to trample all over my private time with Bella. "You ready?"

"Yes, I am," she said. "But I swear if the director makes one more bad remark to some of the other actors I'm going to stomp on his foot."

"Is he being an ass?" I growled. "He's not giving you trouble, is he? I'll be glad to remind him to show you some respect." Dev was toting some boxing gloves, a shiner and some petroleum jelly over his left eye. He was ready to defend Bella if need be, as was I.

The silence after my suggestion was uncomfortable for a moment. "You're coming with Emmett, aren't you?" Then she laughed.

I sighed. "Yes." She didn't think I'd be able to handle some stupid prick. Angel was snickering at me. Asshole.

"He won't touch me," she said. "I think I scared him when kicked you in front of him and the others."

"Well, I'm glad I could provide you with some help," I grumbled.

"Edward," she said loudly. "I don't need you to fight my battles. Though I have to admit, you sounded hot, growling and being all protective."

"Grrr," I growled, trying to stop from laughing. "Good luck, Bella. I'll see you later."

"Thank you and remember that I love you."

Emmett jumped into the passenger seat as I hung up. He rubbed his hands together and pulled out a few things from a small backpack. "What do you have there?" I asked as I drove away from his house.

"Well, since both of us seem to have a problem watching Baby B grinding against some dude—" I cringed and clenched my fingers around the steering wheel. "Sorry. Anyway, I brought some things so that we can survive the night."

Curious I looked over when I came to a stop at a traffic light. "Like what?"

He pulled out two sleep masks. One was a rather nice, dark blue one, the other had fucking pansies all over it. I tried to snatch the blue one but he pulled it from my reach. Ass. "I also brought a pair of iPods so we don't have to hear her, either."

The theatre building loomed in front of us as I pulled into the parking area. An attendant pointed toward the right to find parking. "This sucks," I said as I hit my head on the steering wheel.

"Come on," Emmett said. "I'll buy you a couple of drinks. It's probably best to go in there with a little liquid courage in your system."

I nodded and followed him to a pub across the street. I downed the first shot the second the bartender slapped it on the bar. "I can't believe I have to do this," I said as I took the next one just as easily.

"You do what you have to do," Emmett said as he threw one back. "You love her, don't you?"

I nodded, rubbing my hand over my face. Warmth spread through me. "She's everything to me, Em."

"If you decided to change majors and do something stupid like join the circus, do you think she'd stop you?"

I laughed and shook my head. "She wouldn't stop me. But she'd make sure I was aware of everything involved including the statistics of accidents and health hazards. Even find the best, safest circus to join."

"Exactly," he said, laughing. "She'd stand by you, no matter what you decided to do."

"She intimidates me," I admitted thoughtfully.

Emmett snorted. "Dude, she intimidates all of us. When I first met her in that elevator, she was this tiny little thing, but a real spitfire. Alice, the woman in labor, and I were panicking, she whistled and told us to shut the hell up. When she saw that I was still freaking the fuck out, she slapped me."

"Oh shit, really?" I'd pay good money to see that shit.

He nodded. "She'd done everything she'd set her mind to. Do you know how many people can claim to have done that by age eighteen?"

"She doesn't have to work anymore," I said. "Yet, she volunteers, acts and consults on a daily freaking basis."

"Then you came in."

"I haven't done anything but add to her workload." It was true in a way. She had to find time in her busy schedule for me. Sometimes, I wondered if I was just a nuisance.

"But you've made her smile and laugh ten times more than I've ever seen her do since I've met her." I smiled at him. I did do that. "Face it, Edward, if you hadn't come in, she would've burned herself out eventually. She needed to learn to relax and do things for herself."

"She hasn't relaxed that much with me around," I mumbled, blushing.

"You must be doing it wrong," he teased. "I know you've taken care of some that tension she keeps bottled up." The ass had the nerve to wink suggestively. "It's all over her face when I see her now." I wasn't about to admit that I had helped her in the way he implied. Bella would kick my ass, and I wasn't the type to kiss and tell.

I looked toward the theatre, through the pub's window and sighed. "We better go." He slapped my back as I took my last shot. I coughed a little, because that last one seemed a little stronger than the other two shots. Maybe drinking wasn't such a good idea.

We walked toward the front window, where our tickets were waiting. "You'll be fine," he said. "Baby B is going to give us a signal when a steamy scene comes up."

I sighed in relief. "I hadn't thought of that." And of course, my Bella would.

We took our seats. My family took the entire front row of the small theatre. My aunt and uncle sat on one side of me, with Emmett and Rosalie on my right.

Great, my aunt and uncle are going to know what my girlfriend sounded like when she came. It could've been worse. My parents could be there. I shuddered at the thought.

I had been able to avoid telling them about the play. If I had mentioned it, they would've been there, too. Alice and Rosalie all gave me small smiles since they both had to know that it might not go well for me.

I gave them both a little wave and grin. It would be fine. Rosalie then gave Emmett a slap on the back of his head. He tried to move away when she tried again. I had no idea what she why she was mad. Whatever.

I looked around for Charlie, but couldn't find him. Maybe he hadn't come for the same reason I wanted to leave. Behind me were a few empty seats, other than that it was a full house.

The voices around us came to a stop as the lights dimmed. _Here it goes. _Though I knew I'd have to put up with my girl macking on some asshole—whose dick I was sure was the size of a peanut— I couldn't wait to see her all dressed up as a hooker. I loved my innocent little minx, but uberBella was fucking awesome, too. She was kinky.

Dev was on my shoulder with several cameras, promising that he'd do some creative editing. I was all up for videotaping and wondered if Bella would let me set up a camera in her bedroom. Then again, maybe in the kitchen, since we haven't been able to avoid messing around in there. Angel, on the other hand, looked the part of a slimly agent, negotiating deals within the porn industry. Fucking traitor.

Thirty minutes into the play and I was already horny, as well as a bit queasy. "Dude," Emmett hissed beside me. "She just said the word cunt."

I rolled my eyes, trying to make it seem as if wasn't a big deal. She was acting, I reminded myself. However, if she continued to say words like pussy, cunt and fuck, I'd have to leave to visit the men's room to take care of the aching problem in my pants. It didn't help that her outfits left little to the imagination.

I watched, adjusting myself, as she strutted across the stage in a corset, black thigh highs and black four-inch stiletto boots. Fuck. The problem was not going away at this rate, but it would take care of itself just from watching her.

Behind me, I heard some asshole cough and whisper to his companion. They'd been late, showing up a few minutes after it started, making me miss my girl's first entrance. Since they arrived, they'd been whispering to each other. I turned to give them a piece of my mind for talking while Bella was on stage, but instead my eyes widened in surprise and horror.

I turned toward Emmett and gave him a lethal glare. "You invited my parents!" His eyes opened in alarm and he shook his head. I felt someone tap my shoulder, and it didn't take a genius to know that it was one of my parents. I wanted to crawl under a rock, because I knew I'd get an earful for not telling them about the play in the first place.

How could I've been so stupid? Of course, my mother would've heard all about the play since it was all over the news. The whole block had to close, since there was a plethora of news crews and reporters waiting to get a glimpse of the elusive Little Miss.

I turned only partially toward my parents and shook my head. It wasn't the best time to talk. I had to admit that I was scared of what they would think of Bella once they saw her portrayed in such a way.

I kept my eyes on the stage, on Bella, looking for the signal that warned me of what was to come. She looked so fucking hot. It was very wrong to have a boner while your parents sat behind you, your cousin on one side, and your uncle on the other, who just adjusted himself. It was a good thing he was related or I'd growl at him for that shit. However, it rather fucked with my head. _How many other men are having the same damn problem?_

In the scene on stage, Bella was angry since her john hadn't paid up as promised, who instead, was trying to convince her that he only needed her as a cover. Complicated fucking plot, but yet, it left everyone riveted to their seats.

For the men, Bella was the one that kept our eyes glued to her delectable ass that was only half covered by the lacy black underwear she was wearing. She did a little flip of her hair, and that was the signal. I pulled my mask down over my eyes and turned on my iPod. There I was, sitting in the front row of my girl's play, hiding like a fucking pussy, while the rest of my family watched.

My uncle tapped my shoulder a few minutes later, his signal to tell me it was safe. I sighed in relief and saw Bella lying on the bed asleep as her john stood guard by a window. With a shove of my shoulder, Emmett removed his stuff to continue watching.

By the third act, I had to hide behind my mask three more times. There was one last scene and I chose to brave it. Bella's eyes widened when she saw that I wasn't going to cover my eyes. I mouthed to her that I loved her. With a tiniest of nods, she continued.

She was fucking brilliant. There was no doubt in my mind, I'd come to see her play again just to see her in action. That and because I'd get an eyeful of her trussed up boobs. At the end of the play, the whole audience stood up to applaud. My family hollered and called out Bella's name as she bowed and waved to us. The flowers I had delivered were in her arms as she gave another bow before leaving the stage.

The lobby had reporters and audience members, lining up to see and talk to Bella and the other actors. Refreshments filled trays and tables, but all I wanted was to find Bella and take her home.

"Dude," Jacob said, as he walked toward me. "Your girl is fucking hot." My smile fell and I glared. His arms draped across my shoulders. "Are you sure she's your girl? Or was your entire relationship based on a fantasy."

"Fuck you, Jake," I grumbled, grabbing a glass of wine from a passing tray.

"No, thanks," he said gleefully. "Though your girl on the –"

"Don't fucking say it," I growled and gave him another glare. A part of me knew he'd never do that shit, since his best friend back home had done it to him. Still, he was talking about Bella, so I didn't want to take any chances that he was serious.

James showed up and slapped my back, handing me another glass of cheap wine, taking my empty one. "You okay, Eddie?" he asked. "I know that wasn't easy to see. She's only my friend and watching her with that guy was like swallowing broken glass."

"He didn't watch all the scenes," Emmett said as he joined us. "He blindfolded himself and listened to music." Jacob laughed and mentioned that I missed the best parts. Dev had already confirmed Fight Night for the following day. Jacob was so going down for saying that shit.

I growled and walked toward the small bar they had set up away from the assholes. "Son," I heard someone say as I ordered a shot. I turned to see who talking to me, and then I groaned. Charlie.

"You look as bad as I do," he said, eyeing his drink. He swallowed it in one gulp and wiped his mouth. "It was never easy to watch her do episodes that are upsetting. I hated to see her cry, even if I knew it was fake. But that shit in there…No wonder she asked me to stay away."

"Too bad we didn't listen," I grumbled. "I was fine after it was over, then," I gestured toward Jacob and the assholes. "Those assholes pretty much reminded me that they now know how my girlfriend looks almost naked." Charlie cocked an eyebrow. "Yes, I've seen your daughter naked."

I grinned and snorted, because if I wasn't so drunk, I'd run. I just confessed to my girlfriend's gun-totting father that I'd seen her naked. Still snickering, I looked over at Charlie and laughed harder. His jaw was on the floor and he looked like the color purple.

I shook my head and slapped his back. "We still haven't done the deed." My giggles came to a stop as I reassured him that I had been trying really hard to keep his daughter's virginity intact.

"But, she's not making it easy on me," I confessed. "She keeps trying to get into my pants." I had to squint to keep Charlie in focus. Fuck, I probably need new glasses. "She's not as innocent as she looks."

Someone cleared his throat behind me. I turned and gleefully greeted my parents. "Dad! Did you see my girl? She's hot, right? She's worn the corset for me before." Of course, he doesn't know that it was when she was playing a prank on Emmett when she'd worn it. But I want him to be proud that his nerdy son has a fucking gorgeous girlfriend.

He cleared his throat again, his face was all pinkish and stuff. Ah, so I inherited my blush from him. Dev mockingly made a fist, silently cursing out my Dad. As if I needed something else to embarrass me. Then my mom decided it was good time to straighten my tie and hair.

"You need to pull yourself together," she whispered, taking my drink from me.

"Hey," I hissed, making a grab for my glass. Instead, I landed a punch on Charlie's shoulder. Oh, shit. That couldn't be a good thing, since he was still purple. I hope he'd start breathing soon, because I loved his daughter but I wouldn't give him mouth to mouth. That shit would make things awkward.

I heard Emmett and Jasper behind me, telling me it was time for me to go home. "I have to wait for Bella," I said. There was two fucking Emmetts, I could barely handle one of them. I sent Dev to handle the other one. He could take him. "I'm not going anywhere until I see _my _Bella."

"I know, buddy," Emmett said. "We're taking you to her. She had to go out another way since there are too many reporters."

I could hear Charlie, my parents and my uncle talking. Some notorious reporter was looking for me and they wanted me out of there. But I had to let someone know outside my family and friends that Bella was _my _girl.

"Hey," I called out to the short little blonde woman. "Over here." I gestured for her as Emmett pulled be toward the exit. "Little Miss is my girlfriend. Make sure you spell my name right, Edward Cullen with a c." I groaned as Emmett threw me over his shoulder. Fucking asshole.

"The sounds she makes in my bed," I continued, propping myself up. I tried to keep my hands from touching Emmett's ass. You just don't do some things to your cousin. Grabbing his ass would be one of them. "In her bed or on the kitchen floor are much hotter than what she did on stage." The reporter was holding out some kind of recorder, looking like she just won the fucking lottery. "She has the prettiest pink nipples I'd ever seen. And I've seen a lot, you should see my porn stash. Then again, Bella's collection is much more extensive."

But I was then cut off from the reporter, as I was stuffed into the backseat of a car. "Where's Bella?" I asked as I rolled to the other side to look for her. Before I could make it to the door, Jasper hopped in. "Fuck." I snapped my finger and flipped him off. "I want my Bella."

"She's already on the way home," he said, and then turned his attention to the driver.

"Did you see my girl on stage, J?"

"Yeah," he said as we pulled into traffic. "She looked beautiful."

I snorted. She looked more than beautiful. She looked fuckable. "I can't wait to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea right now, buddy."

"Why not?"

"You're drunk and just told the world that Bella has pretty pink nipples."

"I was just being honest," I grumbled, removing something from my pocket. "I probably shouldn't give her this tonight then."

Jasper turned his blue eyes on me. "You were planning on giving her a ring already?"

I scowled at him. "You asked Alice to marry you two weeks after you met her."

"But she's eighteen, Edward."

"She'll be nineteen next week. I'm not going to ask right now anyway," I said, shaking my head. Ouch. That wasn't a good idea. "No, it's a promise ring. Even though I hated watching her with that other guy, I would if acting makes her happy. She was fucking awesome up there."

"I agree, but just wait on giving her the ring until you're sober."

"If you say so," I whispered, closing my eyes for a second. "Fuck, I love her."

"I know. Anyone can see it."

"No man, you don't understand. I looooove her," I crooned. "I'm going to do her, marry her and she's gonna have my babies."

He snorted. I never liked him much. "In that order," he teased.

My head lolled to one side so I could get a better look at him. "You know what else," I said. Jasper shook his head. "I'm gonna make her scream my name tonight."

Jasper laughed. "Oh there'll be screaming, I bet."

"Fuck, yeah." I smirked and closed my eyes again.


	21. Sodium Pentothal

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Twenty – Sodium Pentothal**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

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**Dev**

"Angel," I whispered as Jasper carried a tipsy Eddie toward the car. "Do you think Edward is gonna get lucky tonight?" Angel shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. I had no idea why the little shit was following me around. It wasn't like I was going to fall. I fell against Edward's neck mole and sighed…so I was a little drunk. It was really hard watching our girl doing her thing. That and we really wanted her to do her thing on Edward.

I heard a little pop and a hiss just as DeviBella appeared in front of me. She was dressed to the nines in black leather, fuck-me-now boots, looking all pissed. "My angel in disguise!" I called out to her, but she took a step back.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

I snorted. "I haven't done shit," I grumbled, fisting my hands, ready for a fight. "It was all Eddie's fault. He drank all that alcohol."

"You're the one that supposed to control that side of him, smartass," she said, rolling her gorgeous brown eyes. I knew she already had an eyeful of my crotch, I'd seen her looking. I did a little dance to see if she wanted to play with _it_, but she fucking growled. _Oh, now we're getting somewhere._

"He'll be fine," I continued, ignoring her. _Yeah, right. As if I could. _"Bella's very forgiving, plus she loves us." I gave her patented fuck-me smirk, to which she cocked an eyebrow and flipped me off. I grinned, taking a step toward her. "I'm game, baby."

The moment I'd come into striking distance, her hand took hold of my crotch, twisting with an evil grin on her lovely face. "I like it a little rough," I growled and bucked closer. She hissed and disappeared in an explosion of purple smoke. I dropped to my knees and started to cry. "Don't leave me here with the good one!" When I realized she was gone and not coming back, I turned to Angel.

"He'll never survive if that little femme devil is doing all the talking on Bella's shoulder," he said thoughtfully. I nodded. My boy was fucked.

**Bella**

I answered my cell as I paced my living room. The damn media swarmed me the moment I stepped backstage, some asshole had let them in. It was probably done by one of the stagehands for money; another example of why I hadn't returned to Hollywood. Just about anyone could be bought for the right price. I learned the hard way, several times, about how much greed drove many people to do immoral things.

"Rosalie," I said, after checking who had called. "Where is he?" I'd been worried about Edward all night. The fact that he remained in his seat my entire performance made me want to kiss him. I know it couldn't have been easy to watch me with someone else. I was relieved to find that he had taken my advice and wore a mask and a pair of earphones. However, he _chose_ to watch the last vital love scene. He had no idea what that meant to me. I loved him all the more. Love was an emotion I had dealt with my whole life, but never at the level and type that I felt for Edward.

He was my everything.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. My father had dropped me off, even after I told him to stay the hell away from my show. Not because I couldn't handle it, but I'd known that he could not. The ride from the theatre to my home was silent, which wasn't something new as of late, but the fact that he wouldn't look me in the eye and was the color of puce, indicated that he needed time to handle what he'd seen.

"Jasper and James are bringing him to your house," she said, covering the phone to talk to someone else for a moment. "They should be there in a few minutes, but I thought I should tell you about what happened."

I sighed. "He was drunk and he opened his mouth, didn't he?"

I was met with nothing but silence. I had known the moment I stepped on the stage that Edward had been inhibited; no doubt, Emmett had something to do with his condition. Edward had confessed once that he wasn't much of a drinker. His tolerance for alcohol was terrible. Besides that, the boy was smirky and giggly at the strangest moments during the play.

"He said something to your father that made your dad run to the nearest bathroom," Rosalie indicated softly. She cleared her throat and seemed to take the time to decide on whether or not to proceed.

"Spit it out, Rose," I said, throwing my jacket on my couch.

"That bitch reporter from that shit entertainment show got some juicy information from a very honest and chatty Edward."

"What did he tell her?" I asked. _I will not be angry at him_, I promised myself.

"He pretty much admitted that your, um...sounds in his bed are more vocal than when you were on stage and that you have the pretty pink nipples."

I laughed, dropping down onto my couch. "He said that, did he?" Warmth filled my face and neck. _Oh, Edward._ She quickly told me that Emmett had taken him to grab a couple of drinks before the show, and then after, Edward continued with the cheap wine at the theatre. "At least, he was honest." Alcohol was Edward's_ Sodium Pentothal,_ a form of truth serum.

"Are you going to make him squirm?" she asked. I could almost hear the evil smile in her voice.

"It would be a great opportunity to make him beg, but our relationship has been through enough to make most men run. He hasn't," I whispered. "However, drunk, honest Edward is coming through the door soon. I'd be a fool not to take advantage of that."

"He's fucked," she said, laughing. "Have fun, Baby B." I intended to, but first, I needed to slip into something a little uncomfortable. I was evil and proud of it. Edward had no idea what was in store for him.

Several minutes passed, when I finally heard James's car pull up in my driveway. I descended my stairs slowly, composing myself. I was an actress, after all; it was another performance. It was for the best that Edward believed he was in trouble, and the same went for James and Jasper. I wouldn't want for them to think I'd gone soft.

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips, it was going to be a fun night. Though I had been nervous, as I always was before a performance, I'd been on a high all evening. Acting had always made me feel amazing, almost as satisfying as figuring a problematic math equation. What was in store for me once Edward arrived only heightened my adrenaline further.

The knock on the door was loud and annoying. However, I took my time to answer, because I needed it to step into my character. When I opened the door, the smile I had moments earlier was gone. Replaced by a look of pure rage, enticing the reaction I had hoped for – nervousness and horror – at least from Jasper and James. Edward on the other hand, adjusted himself as his eyes roamed over my leather-clad form.

James blushed, refusing to meet my eyes. I was sure it was because of what Edward had told them and the nosy reporter. Jasper mumbled curses under his breath, "Should plan his funeral." He had nothing to worry about, I'd never hurt Edward – for long.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I hissed, asking them with my hands firmly planted on my hips.

"Hey b-baby!" Edward said from his perch between the two men. "Damn, you look so hot. Gonna have to jack off the minute I get inside. Wanna do it for me?" He grinned lavishly, licking his soft lips. He even took the time to adjust himself again, giggling. "Want to pet_ it_?" I wanted to snort so badly, but managed to keep my sneer in place.

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus," James cursed, dropping his shoulder from under Edward's arm. "Sorry, bud, you're on your own." He gave me a sheepish smile and kissed my cheek before he turned away. An awaiting truck pulled up beside his car, and I knew it was Jasper's ride.

"I wanna seeeex you up," Edward sang, his eyes on me, swaying since he no longer had full support. Jasper cursed and lifted him up a little higher. "Let's get it ooooon!" Jasper tried his best to hold himself together, his eyes already filling with laughter-induced tears. I couldn't blame him; it took every ounce of my control to avoid laughing. Edward continued his song melody of sex related lyrics. "Ride your toooooon-gue along your bottom lip and bite down, and bend your back and ask those hips if I can touch." Then Edward stepped toward, looking at my bared midriff with hungry eyes. "Baby, you got it aaaaaaaaaallll!"

"Put him on the couch," I snapped, snarling toward Edward. He only smiled and it was obvious he enjoyed it when I was angry. That only heightened my need to do this my way once Jasper left.

"You're a devil in disguise," he murmured as he tried to make a play for my lips. I turned away in time for him to place a kiss on my cheek instead. He nuzzled my neck and inhaled deeply.

"Smell so good," he hissed, licking my neck in short little strokes. _Oh jeez, hello goosebumps. _"Get hard every time I smell you." Jasper snickered and reinforced his hold on Edward, though he took his time. Asshole. I gave him a lethal glare that had him leaving for the living room in haste. "Wait!" Edward reached for me, going for my chest. "Gotta touch them, my boobies! Must have a taste of that delicious goodness, she likes it when I bite. Don't you, baby?"

Jasper wasn't able to contain himself after that. It took him at least a minute to stop laughing before he deposited a very vocal Edward, who continued to make attempts to grope me. And sing. I couldn't forget his melody.

Jasper smiled sheepishly, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "Take it easy on him, sweetie," he whispered. "He really didn't mean it. He told me that he loved you about a hundred times on the ride here.

I cocked an eyebrow. "And how much time did he spend describing our activities or my body?"

Jasper grimaced and shook his head. "Every time he tried, I smacked his head. I knew he'd regret saying anything in the morning."

I smiled. "I'll take care of him."

"That's right, she will!" Edward said, snapping his fingers to the music in his head. "She does this thing with her tong—" I stomped on his foot, causing him to curse several times. "Bella, you're clumsy. You smashed my toesies." _Toesis? Oh, please leave, Jasper, so I can get my adorkable boy in bed –preferably naked._

Jasper laughed and whispered something in Edward's ear. Edward kept his eyes on me, snickering at whatever Jasper told him. "Call me when the warden allows you to," Jasper said, leaving shortly after.

I waited until I heard the front door lock behind him. Everyone had a spare key to my place, which I had a feeling might come and bite me in the ass later. Edward kept his eyes on me, slowly roaming over my body. I tried not to react to his perusal, keeping my angry act up for a bit longer.

He wouldn't remember most of the evening, so there was no point in being angry at him at the moment. That was why I dressed as sexy as possible, in hopes to get some answers from Edward. Who apparently, was an honest, horny drunk. I watched as he continued clapping and snapping his fingers together, singing about my booty. Then he cupped his mouth to beatbox. Oh, there was no way I'd allow him to forget about this.

"Stay here," I said, refusing to come within his reach again. Luckily for me, he was too inhibited to stand on his own. "I need to get something." He nodded, reminding me that I looked hot. Drunkward seemed to have a one-track mind. I had to wonder how much he thought about sex when he was sober.

"Shhh, Dev," he whispered, albeit loudly. "She's just going to get something. She'll be back. It's not like we don't enjoy the view when she leaves the room." When I turned to leave the room, he made another attempt to grab me, slapping my butt hard. The resounding sound of the smack surprised even me. "Holy shit, that was a booty slap heard around the world. My baby got back." Then he proceeded to rap the entire lyrics to the corresponding song.

Edward was paying homage to my ass. I ran toward my bedroom and found what I was looking for in my closet. Downstairs, I could hear Edward calling out for me. "Bellllllllla! Bella! Come out, come out wherever you are." Once I reached the landing, I found him clad in only his boxers, dancing the cabbage patch and beatboxing.

The moment he realized I was in the room again, he started to rap again. It was both completely ridiculous and adorable. His pursed lips and serious expression had me in stitches. "I wanna lick you from your head to your toes. I wanna move this from the bed to the floor."

_I want that too, baby._

I had two options, both a bit immoral and would be taking advantage of him. One, I could get what we both craved, sex, but had been cockblocked by Edward himself. Some stupid thing about morals, which if that were true, he would've put a stop to everything else we'd done. Or, I could be the good girl and take care of him. Of course, only once I find out the truth on why he hasn't made love to me.

"Keep going," I whispered.

He continued to rap, tapping or snapping his fingers to the beat. I moved to set up the video camera on a bookshelf nearby, at the perfect level to capture everything my adorable boyfriend did. He was suddenly silent, so I turned to see if he had fallen asleep. That was not the case; in fact, he was genuflecting. "You are a goddess," he said from his prone position on the floor. "You want to videotape us going at it. So fucking hot, gonna jizz before I even get inside you. No fair, my sexy mistress."

Recording our…adventures, wasn't exactly what I wanted to do, since I was too frightened of someone watching it by accident or leaking it on the internet. What I wanted was to record Edward's hijinks so that I could use against him later. It never hurt to have incriminating material on anyone, even those you love.

_What? I'm not as innocent as I seem. How else do you think I convinced Daddy to let me move out at eighteen?_

I had to play up my anger for a little bit longer. "Get the hell off the floor, Edward." He looked up at me with glazed but adoring eyes. Damn, he had no idea what he did to me. Weak knees, thrumming pulse and warmth had me wondering how long it'd take before I gave in to kissing him.

With a lavish smile, he rose to his knees and crawled onto my couch. His ass in the air provided the perfect opportunity for payback. I slapped his boxer clad behind. He hissed and looked over his shoulder with a calculating smirk on his face. "I prefer to be the giver than the receiver when it comes to punishment, baby." I shivered. "Dev said he'll order a flogger and handcuffs when I get back home tomorrow."

I smiled despite my determination to act angry with him. How could I be mad, considering how freaking cute and sexy he was? "Are you drunk?" I asked only because I wanted to see how honest he could really be.

He smiled, propping himself against one side of the couch. His eyes were closed, and one fluttered open, the other scrunched up. With two fingers, he showed me. "Just a little," he slurred, widening the area between his thumb and forefinger. He giggled and slapped his thigh. "But don't worry. I can still get it up. In fact, I've been hard for hours. But it may lean a little to the left." His eyes widened after his brief confession, gasping in horror. "That's not going to be a problem, is it?"

"No, sweetheart," I said, taking a step closer to him. The moment I was within reach, he grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap. He nuzzled my neck, whispering against my skin how much he loved me. His hands continued to roam over the exposed skin around my corset. Before I allowed things to get any further, I needed answers.

"I love you," I said, pressing my forehead against his.

He gave me a sheepish smile, shy and sweet. "Even if I have a crooked dick?" I giggled, causing him to smile wider. "I have a leaning tower in my shorts and you don't care. And why? Because you love me."

I nodded, taking his face in my hands. With a slow but searing kiss, I managed to calm him enough so that he stilled beneath me. The boy was bucking those magic hips against me and if I allowed it to continue, I'd hate myself in the morning.

"Edward," I whispered against his mouth.

"Yeah," he replied, trying to find a way to open my corset. Concentration filled his eyes as he continued to nip at the tops of my breasts.

"Why haven't you made love to me yet?"

He snorted. "Because I don't want to embarrass myself."

"How would you do that?"

He looked up at me, his smile falling a bit. "Because I'd be a four-stroke bloke if I'm lucky. I barely last a couple of minutes with my dick in your mouth, which is heaven, by the way. If I stuck my cock in your beautiful pussy, I'd come in seconds."

Edward hadn't really spoken to me in such a way, but I found that I rather liked it. I shook my head and pressed my lips against his for a moment. Though he tried to deepen it, I stopped him. "I don't care about that. I just want to be with you. Become yours."

"Not until my wank sessions reach at least several minutes," he said. "Without the use of enhancements."

"Wank sessions?" I said warily. "How often do you, um, wank, Edward?" He shrugged and tried to bite off my corset. With a growl, he shook his head to get it to loosen. It didn't budge.

"At least three times a day," he admitted with a grin, still tugging at my attire. "I fantasize about you all the time, but since I'm in class all day, I have to settle for an afternoon tryst with my other lover." He lifted his hand and waved. "Meet Marie, she likes long walks on the beach, is a bitching actress…she kinda reminds me of you."

I snorted and hid my laughter against his neck. "Nice to meet you, Marie," I said.

"I knew you two would get along," he said, getting lost in my cleavage. "You don't have to worry because sometimes, Marie causes me to chafe." I giggled, causing him to groan. "Look at you," he said to my breasts. "You two jiggle no nicely when she giggles. Note to self, make Bella laugh more often. Did you get that, Dev?"

That was the third time he mentioned Dev. "Edward, who's Dev?"

Edward reluctantly pulled his gaze away from my chest and to my eyes. "He's one of my shoulder dudes that look like me, only tinier. Dev is the bad ass mofo that controls my dark side."

I raised an eyebrow in question. "And he has a counterpart?"

Edward laughed and nodded. "Angel, but he hasn't been as vocal as he used to be." He grabbed my backside and pulled me toward his arousal. "I think you might be the reason. You make me a bad, bad boy."

Oh, lord. It was time to get his dorky, drunk ass to bed. "I'm sorry he hasn't been around much," I said, pulling myself to my feet. "Let's go to bed."

"I thought you'd never ask."

I nodded, holding out my hand for him to take. Once he had his fingers curled around mine, he pulled me back to his lap, kissing me soundly. After a few minutes, he pulled back, smacking his lips and grinning. "Dev asked if DeviBella would make another appearance tonight." I waited for him to explain, because I knew he would. He was being quite chatty. "She's the hot, uberBella of his dreams. The mini version of you." Ah.

"Tell him not until tomorrow morning."


	22. On a Starry Night

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Twenty-One – On a Starry Night**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

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**Edward**

Something loud awoke me from my very pleasant dream that left me horny and frustrated. I groaned as bright blinding light breached through my eyelids. I grabbed the pillow beneath me and stuffed it over my head, encompassing me into the welcoming dark.

Then there was whistling. Some asshole started to whistle. Who in their right mind would do that so early in the morning? I considered something for a second and took aim without looking at the offensive off key whistler.

A startled yelp instantly made me sit up. I'd just pelted my girlfriend with a pillow. Judging from the steam that seemed to be coming from her ears, I was in big fucking trouble. Then I noticed something. _Why am I covered in feathers?__  
_

I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry," I whispered. Then there was pounding somewhere in the vicinity of my head. Falling back on the comfort of the bed, I groaned. "I didn't mean to hit you, baby."

Without another look in her direction, I knew she'd left the room. I sighed. Kissing up would reach new heights, but it'd be worth it. Something fluttered softly on my lips and I tried to swat it away. I cracked an eye open and realized that it was one of the feathers I noticed earlier.

I ran my hand over my face, trying to wipe away the sleepiness and the ensuing headache. I needed to get up and figure out what the hell happened, and beg for forgiveness from Bella. There was no doubt in my mind that I'd said or done something that warranted the look she'd given me before leaving the room. The projectile pillow incident wouldn't have been enough for the anger so clear on her face.

After a few minutes of trying to clear my head, I knew it was useless. I had to get up. I rolled to my side and saw that she had left me a glass of water and two pills. Feeling even shittier, I swallowed the pills she left me. I grabbed a quick shower, trying to process all the little snippets of memories.

Drinks at the pub, Bella on stage looking fucking amazing, some reporter in my face, Charlie, the feathers I had removed right before jumping into the shower.

Oh shit. I admitted to Charlie that I'd seen Bella naked. The bullet with my name carved on its side would no doubt be in the chamber of his shotgun the next time I'd see him. I had to tell Bella, before Charlie had time to get to her, where he'd no doubt convince my girl that I wasn't good enough for her. It would be a tragedy. And I'd die a virgin.

I knew better than to drink; add the stress of situation and that would make me a terrible drunk. Usually talkative, deplorably honest and… _Oh God_, I groaned to myself. I get hot, really hot. So much so, that I have to strip to the bare essentials.

The last and only time I had gotten drunk was for my twenty-first birthday, when Emmett and Jasper took me out. We hadn't done they whole titty bar thing, because Rosalie would've chopped Emmett's dick off and fed it to him.

We had, however, gone camping. I still had a scar from the burn on my thigh and left nut. It should be fairly obvious that a campfire, streaking and alcohol are not the best combination for a first time drunk. I shuddered, remembering that it took almost six months for the hair to grow back.

I was suddenly worried for the welfare of my girlfriend. Camping was on the agenda the following week and she'd never survive the dynamic duo that was Emmett and Jasper.

I walked out of the bathroom and grabbed a few things from the closet. With a quick look of Bella's very organized space, I had to smile. A lot of my clothes had already made it there; I hadn't realized it. It felt pretty fucking good to know that it didn't freak the shit out of Bella or me.

Waking up next to her every morning was awesome, even if she was fucking pissed at me at that moment. Plus, it was nice to wake up to boobs in my face, or her hand on my dick. And cue lift off. Fuck. It was _not _the time to think with my nether regions, I had to kiss my girl's ass if I ever wanted to get back in her good graces. Or touch all her goods.

As I stepped into a pair of shoes, trying to will down my hard on, I heard a small click. I looked around and noticed the flat panel television on the adjacent wall swing away from the wall on its motorized arm. I stepped toward it, noticing a small webcam attached to the top of it. Mounted beside it was a motion detector.

Well fuck, my girl was the female equivalent of MacGyver. And it wasn't a turn off; in fact, I was harder than before. The television clicked on, instantly Bella's beautiful face came on the screen.

"I think its best before you come down that you know what happened last night," she said softly as she cocked her head to one side. I loved the cute little smirk on her face. "Just so you know how much groveling you have to do." She smiled and cocked an eyebrow in challenge. That was when I noticed the light on the webcam on. She was watching me.

Fucking hell. Dev smirked and nodded at Angel. "Edward, you're going to have to tell her to keep this set up. You know for web-sexing." Angel face palmed himself and shook his head. "What? Cybersexing? Too much. How about late night encounters?"

"What is Dev telling you now?" Bella asked, the coy little smile firmly in place.

Wait. What? I turned my eyes back on the screen. "You know about Dev?"

"And Angel and apparently DeviBella."

_Oh shit! Am I capable of keeping any secrets while I was intoxicated?_ It was time to come clean. "I love you?" At least it was the truth.

She giggled. "Watch the tape, bub," she teased. "You have to face your family soon. It's best you're prepared with everything you dished about."

"Am I in trouble?"

"With me," she said, pausing for several seconds because she was damn evil. "You'll have to see."

I nodded numbly, wondering what the hell I had done the night before. "The feathers?"

Bella gave me a sexy, teasing smile. "It's from my feather boa. You insisted on wearing it while we had a pillow fight."

"We had a pillow fight?" I shook my head, because fuck, I would've liked to have remembered that kind of shit.

"Yes," she said, giggling. "You, me and Marie." She laughed harder and suddenly she wasn't on the screen.

Did she say Marie? Dev flicked my ear, while I stood in fucking shock. My girl knew I jacked off, my five-fingered friend having acquired her middle name. _Could this be any more embarrassing?_

The television screen came back to life, and there I stood in the living room – rapping. Oh no! I had barely managed to gather all evidence of my last rapping talent show performance in grade school. I didn't want the footage to fall into the wrong hands, namely Jasper and Emmett. Bella came within view of the camera lens, looking sinful in a blood red corset and leathers shorts and stilettos that made her legs look a mile long.

"Fuck, baby," I groaned. I knew she had to be watching me. The Edward on the screen dropped to his knees and called Bella his mistress. Oh shit, I cocked my head to one side and admired the view of her ass. Such a fucking perv, but I couldn't help it. In my state of mind the previous night, I had not only made a fool of myself, I had done the same to Bella.

Shortly after what I thought was an edited version of a tribute to Bella's ass, was a clip from an online Hollywood gossip newscast. Oh hell.

"_The recently unretired Little Miss Dish has returned to theatre in a risqué play that showed that clearly she was all grown up. No longer the cute, devilishly innocent busybody that was Little Miss, she was the fiery hooker already earning rave reviews. I managed a one-on-one interview with her real life boyfriend, Edward Cullen."_

Then, there I was larger than life with glossy eyes and stupid ass grin on my face with my body thrown onto Emmett's shoulder, confessing what Bella sounded like when I made her scream in my bed or the kitchen floor and the color of her nipples. I had to assume the latter since there were a few bleeps to mask whatever I said.

The footage cut off after that and returned to video of my activities in my drunken state. I was at the foot of Bella's bed in my boxers, with a pink feather boa wrapped around my neck. Holy crap, she hadn't been kidding about that.

"Edward," Hot Video Bella said all raspy and shit.

_Dear Baby Jesus, please allow my girlfriend to give me a copy of this video so I can use for my one on one time with Marie. _

"What are you doing?" She came out from behind the camera, having placed it on her dresser. Damn, I started to think that my girl was as dirty minded as I was. She was, after all, the inspiration behind DeviBella.

"I found all your kinky box of costumes in the closet," Video Edward said with a pout. "Why didn't you tell me? We could've broke out the role-playing a long time ago!" I sounded like a wounded animal. Bella smiled gently at me and took me in her arms, apologizing.

Then, Video Edward cackled. "Now I got you, my pretty!" I had wrapped the boa around her and threw her on the bed, then pounced. Within minutes, we were giggling and feathers were everywhere. "I must look upon my beauties." Taking one of her lovely nipples in my mouth, she moaned deeply. "I have proclaimed you Mount Blushmore." I laughed heartily before turning my attention to her other nipple. "I did not forget you, my pretty." As I gave her peak some attention, Bella's heels dug into my ass. "From this day forth, you will be known as Imagonnalickya Mountain."

Apparently, I was honest, rapping yet proper speaking explorer when drunk. Was there no end to my embarrassment? Bella giggled and begged for my mouth, unable to deny her, I kissed everything within reach.

When I asked for a pillow fight, I'd met my match because Bella did _not_ hit like a girl. In fact, I had fallen off the bed more than once, causing her to feel bad and "kiss my boo-boos." Of course, while Bella hadn't been looking, I would smirk evilly. I'd been doing it on purpose.

Eventually, I had enough with the pillow fight and wrapped the feather boa around her, trapping her arms to her sides. Then, I proceeded to beg her to let me taste her again. My girl let me go down on her after the disastrous first attempt where I took a bite of her – down there as I came in my boxers. _That's another story for another time. _

It was at that moment my evil girlfriend stopped the video right when my mouth descended to the sweet part I loved so much. I groaned and begged her to continue the video. She suddenly popped up on the screen and smirked, that little smile that said everything.

It was my punishment. I would never see the smoking hot video of me kissing my girlfriend in the most intimate of places. "I think you should come down now," she said, grinning.

I scowled at her then looked at my crotch. "Give me five minutes." Before I could head into the bathroom to take care of my problem, she spoke.

"Now, Edward."

"How am I supposed to apologize and kiss your ass if all my blood is being directed down there?" I motioned to my crotch, blushing. Curse my genetics; it was my dad's fault. It was then that I remembered that my parents were at the play. Holy crap.

"You'll have time later," she said softly. "Besides you need to eat something, baby." Then she freaking pouted—like I could resist that.

"Gah!" I shook my head and blew her a kiss. "Please remember I looooove you, only you," I sang since she'd seen everything already, might as well do it right. "Meet you in the kitchen, by far, my favorite room."

I could hear her giggle on the screen as I left the room and ran downstairs. I skidded to a halt in the kitchen, smiling when she came into view. "You're not hung over?" she asked, passing me a cup of coffee.

I shrugged. "Only for the first twenty minutes of the morning following a night of debauchery," I teased. "Once I relieve myself in the shower, I'm all good." She laughed and opened her arms for me. I happily accepted her invitation and wrapped my arms around her. "You're not mad at me?"

She shook her head, sighing as her fingers fisted on my sides. "I figured the hell Emmett and rest are going to give you is going to be bad enough." She laughed. "That and if you ever do something like that again, I'll gladly hand your rap video to Emmett to do whatever he wants with it."

I growled and pulled away to see that she was not joking. "I shouldn't have talked to the reporter." She shook her head, but shrugged. Why wasn't she mad at me? She had every right to be.

"I should've warned you about talking to them."

"I said and did stupid shit last night," I grumbled.

"You were honest." She smirked and cocked an eyebrow. "That was the only thing that you did. That vile woman took advantage of that."

"At least she had most of what I said edited out." That, I was thankful for, but I felt Bella stiffen. "What is it?"

"The whole thing, without the bleeps had coincidently leaked onto YouTube." She pulled away and started to pile breakfast onto some plates, which only made me feel like a total asshole. Here was this beautiful woman, who I wrongly exposed to the world, who still chose to be forgiving. What had I done to deserve her?

When she stood beside me, my fingers ran up her thigh and curled around her hip. I promptly had her hop onto my lap, where we enjoyed breakfast together. "I love you," I whispered every time her little ear called to me, which was every three seconds.

"Do you have camping equipment?" she asked, rubbing her peachy little butt all over my lap. Evil woman.

"I only have a tent big enough for me," I murmured. "Though, it would mean we'd be really warm and laying very close together."

She laughed and slapped my hand that tried to reach under her shirt. "Can you change in it?" I shook my head. "I don't see that as a good thing, there would be a lot of wiggling around."

She promptly covered my mouth before I could say something dirty. "You walked right into that one," I grumbled once she returned to eating. "We can go look for one at Walmart."

"Walmart? Can't we go to the sports store nearby?"

"Not if you don't want to pay an arm and leg for the same thing." She shrugged and finished her breakfast. Once done, we washed dishes together, and it may or may not have included a wet t-shirt contest. Dev and I secretly loved her faucet with the spray handle. It got Bella wet every time.

I really loved her kitchen.

~oOo~

"I've never been to Walmart," Bella said somewhat sheepishly.

"You've got to be kidding." When she shook her head, her sweet face tinged pink. "How did you manage not to go to Walmart once in your entire life?"

I led her down the toy aisle; I wanted some board games for our long weekend. There was little chance of fooling around with Bella with Jasper and Emmett nearby, so the games were to keep us occupied. I took that moment to continue to break down Bella's defenses.

"May I see the video?" I gave her the pout, the widened eyes, even a little whimper, after all I learned from the best— namely her. However, it also made her immune.

She smirked and shook her head. Laughing, she handed me a set of Uno cards and three sets of playing cards.

"Can you at least tell me if I –" I looked around to make sure we wouldn't be overheard. "Managed to make you come?"

She gave me a look that clearly indicated not to go there. It was very frustrating. "I should apologize for that," she said softly, placing Monopoly in my blue and grey shopping cart. "I never meant for it to go as far as it did. However, you are completely adorable when you let go of your inhibitions."

"We didn't!" I cursed under my breath, promising myself that I would take it even slower. How fucked up was it that I was drunk my first time?

"Relax," she said firmly. "We didn't get that far. I'm not that mean to do that to you, though it would serve you right. Plus, your dick was crooked." She snorted and tried to contain her giggles. "You actually asked if that was okay."

I groaned, because it was one major flaw with my erection whenever I had too much to drink. It leaned over and it seemed that Bella was well aware of it. Grabbing her before she could get away, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close.

"Please tell me that one day, you'll tell me what happened last night?" I asked, pressing small kisses all over her face. She wiggled against me, enticing the usual reaction to her body's proximity.

She had to have heard something in my desperate plea for her eyes to soften. "You don't like being in the dark?" When I shook my head, she kissed me sweetly. "If it bothers you that much, I will tell you everything that happened last night."

I grinned and squeezed her tightly. "That does not mean you'll watch the entire video." I groaned in mock despair and tickled her sides. When I pulled away, her face was flushed, and her jaw a little raw from my day old beard, but a smile was firmly in place.

"I love you," I whispered, placing another kiss on her lips that quickly turned heated.

"We're not defiling the toy section at Walmart," she mumbled against my lips. "We need to finish shopping because we're having a late lunch with your parents."

"Fuck," I said. "Are you serious?"

She nodded solemnly. "Do you think they're going to make you see reason?" she asked, averting her eyes. So, she was aware that my parents were at the play.

"Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, will ever make me see reason," I teased. She slapped my arm and continued down the aisle, pushing the cart. I caught up easily and caged her against the cart.

"You know, it's really hard to walk with you less than a step behind me," she said, turning down the camping equipment aisle.

"It_ is_ really hard walking less than a step behind you," I whispered in her ear.

She laughed and purposely rubbed against me. "What's gotten into you, Edward?"

"I'm crazy about you," I said thoughtfully. "I can't resist you a moment longer. You're going to meet my parents officially as my girlfriend. We're going for first weekend out somewhere. And you love me."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I really do."

"I'm really sorry about what happened last night," I said softly, resting my forehead on hers. "I can't promise you that I won't do something to piss you off again, because let's face it, it's inevitable. I can promise that I'll always love, need and want you."

"And I'll give you a few promises in return," she said. "That no matter what silly situation you land us in, I'll do my best to see the silver lining and listen to your explanation. That we'll never go to bed angry. And that I'll always love, need and want you."

I smiled, ready to kiss the hell out of my girlfriend until she continued her little monologue.

"And that I'll let you show me how much you love me three times a week."

"Only three times?" I groaned in protest, because that would never do. She pretended to think about it then held up five fingers. When I shook my head, she added another three, then another two. When I still wasn't satisfied, she raised an eyebrow in question.

"You're pretty sure of yourself," she said with a roll of her eyes. "You're telling me that ten times a week wouldn't be enough."

"Baby, around you, I have the recovery of a teenager." She laughed and promised me unlimited access. I cackled internally; I knew she'd cave.

We picked out two big sleeping bags, though I only wanted one so we'd share, but she wouldn't listen. I would have to conveniently forget to pack hers amongst the other things we were taking. The tent we decided on was blue and grey, and the perfect size for the two us; tall enough to accommodate my height and an extra room to put all our stuff in. The air mattress I insisted on had a velour pillow top that would eliminate the squeaky sounds a traditional would make.

I at least wanted to be able to touch her while out camping, but there was no reason for us to alert my family our activities. We went to the men's clothing section, because I was in desperate need of boxers. While looking for the kind I usually wore, Bella threw in a package of boxer briefs.

She bit her lip shyly, her ears reddening at the tips. "I think they're sexy." I laughed and threw another package of them. Anything that had to do with Bella's thoughts on sexy, I'd make sure to double up on. I wondered if she'd protest to Underwear Only Day at her house on weekends.

I pulled out my pocket calculator and started to total up what I already purchased. I lived on a modest allowance that my parents gave me while I attended school. Though I would have rather worked through college, it would take away from my studies and from having a personal life, so my parents insisted on helping me.

That, however, didn't mean I would take advantage of them. Therefore, Walmart and Target were my most frequent places to shop, and I was all right with that.

"It's a total of three hundred forty-three dollars and fourteen cents," Bella said before I could even enter the next amount. I might have gaped at her for a second, but composed myself. If I freaked out about how smart she was, she'd be embarrassed.

"All right," I said carefully.

"Can I help with the purchase of the camping items?"

Before I could protest, she wrapped her arms around my waist. Those big brown of hers were imploring me to let her, the little kisses she spread along my jawline might have helped, too. "That way, they'd be ours."

Who could say no to that logic? When I nodded, she continued down the aisle with a little more sway in her hips and smug grin. I'd been played. Damn, she was good.

Since I'd given in to her request, I thought it would be a good time to bring up my question.

"You never answered my question earlier," I said. We were heading toward the greeting card section, Bella wanted to get some thank you cards for some reason. "Why haven't you been to Walmart?"

"When I was younger, it was hard to go out publicly," she stated, eyeing a tank top in junior's department. "My mom did all the shopping on her own. After she passed, my dad and housekeepers usually kept everything stocked."

"What do you do now?"

"Everything is delivered to the house."

"I would've never guessed that you were sp…"

She gave me a wry smile. "Spoiled?" I shrugged but nodded. "Just because I've never been to places like this, doesn't mean I was spoiled. Charlie put his foot down on many occasions and I didn't always get what I wanted. However, that also doesn't mean I didn't find a way."

"Of course you did," I said. "But still, you can shop for yourself now."

Bella shrugged. "I never liked shopping the few times I was made to."

"We can try grocery shopping together," I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows. She cocked one of her own in question, so I elaborated. "I wouldn't want you get cold down the frozen food section."

She laughed and shook her head. "What would you do? Hold them for me?"

I grinned evilly, shrugging. Once we were in another section, I thought of something I caught Rosalie and Emmett doing once. "So, it's safe to say that you've never been in a Walmart dressing room?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. Hurrying along, I led us to the dressing rooms a few moments later. When we noticed no one there, I pushed Bella into one, closing the door behind me.

"You're crazy," she whispered from across the small room. In the mirror behind her, I noticed the goofy grin I had. I closed in on her and pressed my mouth over hers.

Her soft sighs and wandering hands made our first Walmart dressing room experience destined to be repeated.

~oOo~

Dinner with my parents and my Nana was entertaining, embarrassing and Bella fit right in with us. My Nana absolutely loved her, as I knew she would, though she made Bella promise that she would never quit acting only because it bothered me.

I'd never ask her to do that. Ever. After an early dinner, I had driven her to the play. Even though she had asked me to return for her in two hours, I snuck in, thanks to a stagehand I bribed.

I watched the whole thing and only cringed a few times. If I wanted Bella in my life, I would have to accept everything about her, even love scenes. However, I almost lost my dinner when I overheard a producer interested in adapting the play for the big screen.

Would that mean that Bella would return to Hollywood?

"You're very quiet tonight," Bella said when we entered her house after the show. "Is something wrong?"

"If you're asked to be in a movie, would you move?"

Taking my hand in hers, she led me to the living room. Which was a good thing, I'd never be able to concentrate in the kitchen. The kitchen had aphrodisiac elements within the room.

"Edward," she said so softly, it freaked the fuck out of me. Dev started to wave a red flag high above his head. On the flag was SOS on one side, the other Bella. Angel, on the other hand, was busy planning my funeral, for surely, I'd never survive without my innocent, yet sexy ass girlfriend.

"I'm in high demand." She kissed my hand, then my wrist. _I should warn her that doing that was only making the aphrodisiac elements filter in from the kitchen._ "Right now, I could live anywhere I wanted to and still do movies."

"Are you leaving me?"

She shook her head, her eyes so sad. "How could you think I'd ever leave you?"

"I'm an idiot most of the time." I shrugged, tugging her onto my lap.

"I already spoke to my agent about working in films again." She kissed my cheek that time, her fingers running through my hair. She was evil, because that shit always calmed me. "I will not do more than one film a year. I will never do a film that will require me to leave for months without time off. Ever."

I nodded. "I can take online classes," I whispered. "I can come with you sometimes."

"That would be nice. Though, right now, there haven't been any scripts that I'd consider yet."

"Do you want to act again?" She nodded and looked scared, and I understood why.

"Are you going to leave me?" she asked warily.

My hands held her face close to my own. "Never."

After that, we read scripts together and I never missed a performance for the rest of the week. Though she had forgiven me, I chose to hold off a little longer before I begged her to let me touch her again. A part of me wanted to claim her immediately; another wanted to wait until the perfect moment.

So far, with our schedules, it hadn't happened, until a starry night the following week. A meteor shower lit up the night sky and the weather looked promising. After dinner, Bella I snuggled up on the roof of her porch, with a telescope and a couple of sodas.

We had long since given up with the telescope, having seen most of it, since it was a mutual hobby. It was still nice to do together. With our eyes on the sky above, lying on a soft blanket, I asked the question that had been bothering since the morning after my drunken confessions.

"Why haven't you said anything about the ring?" I had found the ring, along with my wallet and things that same morning, without a comment on the little box.

Her face turned and nuzzled my chest. "I waited for you."

"I told Jasper it was only a promise ring."

"Is it?"

"Honestly," I sighed, "No. I know you're it for me. The one I will spend the rest of my life with. But you're nineteen, so I didn't want to scare you."

She remained quiet for a few moments, and when a meteor streaked across the night sky, she pointed at it. "This time last year, I was stuck in an office working on an equation that had me stumped for months." Propping herself up, she straddled me gently. "Even though I was too busy to watch the shower, I thought about it. I even made a wish, looking out from a window.

"My wish was to find some balance in my life. I needed it, craved it, but never went out of my way to achieve it. Day by day, I did what I needed to do, not what I wanted to do. Then one day, I did something I hadn't done in months. I went to find a brick. That day, my wish came true and I met you."

Her hair fell forward, the tips brushing my face as I pulled her toward me. "I love you," I whispered. When she returned the words against my lips, ever so sweetly, we kissed.

Taking the ring from my pocket, I placed it on her finger. "I'll take whatever future you can give me, as long as it's with you."

She kissed me again. "My future is with you," she said softly. "But we have to wait until you graduate." I stilled. _Does she mean what I think she means?_ The gorgeous smile on her face gave me hope; her giggles told me that I might look a little shocked.

"I thought you'd fight me on this," I murmured. "But it's too late. You already said yes. No take backs."

She giggled some more, peppering my face with kisses. "Said yes to what?" I went over the conversation and frowned. "Was there a question?" I knew she was teasing me, so I growled and rolled over her.

Giving the little spot behind her ear some attention, making her shiver, I asked. "Will you spend the rest of your life with me as my wife?" She moaned, parting her legs to accommodate my weight and hips. "Was that a yes?" It was my turn to tease.

She laughed, but it came out like a breathy sigh as my hands flirted with the warm skin of her stomach. "I like that you're incoherent when I touch you." My lips left feathered kisses and nips along her jawline before hovering over her lips. "But I'd really like an answer."

When her hips moved against mine, we both moaned. "Bella."

"Oh, don't stop," she mumbled. "Yes, I'll marry you, but if you stop again, I'm going to kick you."

I laughed and kissed her again. "If I ever turn away," I pressed my mouth on her neck. "From your advances," she snorted as I continued, "I deserve to be kicked."

She laughed but threw her head back when my lips closed over a hardened peak and fabric. Impatient fingers worked on my jacket and t-shirt, both carelessly tossed aside. More clothes removed from warm flushed skin, eager hands roamed over exposed parts. We both chuckled when we realized that all our clothes littered her garden.

Finally, when all that came between us was a thin layer of white cotton, I stopped to look into her luminous eyes. Words caught in my throat, all the love she felt for me so clearly spoken in just a look. A little nod, a tender kiss and a lift of her hips, and she was mine.

"Edward," she gasped as my lips lingered over her breast. Moving to the underside, I teased the pebbled skin with the tips of my fingers. I circled her navel with a single digit before doing the same between her thighs. Another whimper of my name accompanied one more lift of her hips. Closer still, her body moved with intent and need.

Damn, she was beautiful when she let go. Slick, warm skin beneath my fingers alerted me that she was more than ready. The chances of making her come were minimal the first time, so I moved my fingers inside her, sending her over the edge twice before she begged for me.

And only me, because there would never be another for her. Waves of possessiveness, love and desire coursed through me. "Edward," she gasped, her eyes steadily held my gaze. "I love you."

Settling myself between her thighs, I shifted closer. "I love you," I murmured at that corner of her mouth. A kiss so tender, rendered us speechless for several moments. Pulling away to breathe, I gasped when I felt Bella guide me to where she wanted me most.

Another gasp, a groan of desperation had me sliding slowly inside her. Bella moaned sweetly, arching her back, ending with a delicious gasp as my hips met hers. Her fingers clutched tightly around my arms, tiny bites of her nails almost made it impossible for me to stay still.

Warm, so fucking warm. Aware for the first time, I was blissfully without commentary from my companions. I smiled down at Bella, her eyes on me. It was only us, as it should be.

With a tiny nod from my girl, I moved away from her. I groaned deeply, one hand at her hip and the other curled around her shoulder. My body missed the warmth of her, so I drove inside her again and again. Shallow at first, unaccustomed to the heat and wetness, but she felt so good. I was already at the brink.

Wanting it to last for as long as I was able, I pulled out, kissing away her disapproval. I gave attention to each of her breasts, the column of her neck. Her words were a jumbled mix of curses and praise.

"Please, shit, please," she begged.

"I don't want to come yet," I murmured against her nipple. Watching it pebble further, I circled it with my tongue. "Maybe I can make you come again." Her heel dug into my ass, pulled away for a second, then kicked me!

"Oh jeez," she gasped. "I don't care if you're a four stroke bloke. I just want this with you."

I could see the sincerity of her words, her desperation to be with me in her undulating hips. Though I nodded, I chose to take my time exploring her again. But Bella was truly evil.

"Edward," she moaned, her fingers deeply embedded in my hair. "I want you inside me. I need you inside, touching me deeply."

_Please don't let her say some dirty word. Please, I beg you._

"I need this." She'd taken hold of me. _Why did I let that happen?_ Oh, because while she seduced me with her words, her fingers escaped my notice until they were upon her prey. With another shift of my hips, I was inside her again.

"Cheater," I mumbled. We both laughed, but our laughter immediately turned to gasps. Holy shit, laughing while inside her, gah! "Don't laugh, you're going to make this end too fast."

"I'm pretty sure this is the longest devirginization in history."

I looked to see the humor and her love in her pretty eyes. "You're entirely too coherent," I said in mock anger. "I need to remedy that."

"Remedy away," she said, giggling. When I gasped and groaned, she giggled some more. "Oops." That "oops" turned to a moan as I moved out and in with a gentle rhythm.

I made to it to lucky number seven when I felt the heat in my gut turn to an all out fever. I gasped, "I love you, Bella." Every fiber of my body stilled, blinding white stars burst beneath my closed lids. I felt her soft lips caress every inch of my face and neck.

My body trembling, I made out her words, "So perfect, my Edward. I'll love you forever." I dropped my weight on her, but was aware that I was too heavy. In a twist of limbs and slick bodies, I laid on my back with my girl carefully placed above me.

My fingers skimmed down her spine. "Happy Birthday, love."

She sighed contently and gave me a bright smile. "It's been one of the best." Stirring beneath her, she cocked an eyebrow. "And it seems like you've just got started."

"I told you, recovery of a teenager," I said with a shrug. She giggled, and as I said before it does wonderful things to her body. In a swift move, I had her under me, laughing as I tickled her sides. "How about we have another pillow fight?" Her smile was all the answer I needed.

I tossed her over my shoulder and ran to our bedroom. We had a future to plan out, but for the moment, it only included our bed, making love for hours until the real world intruded.


	23. Shotgun Shells Part Two

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Twenty-two – Shotgun Shells Part Two**

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**Betaed by kayla**

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**Edward**

A tiny moan awoke me from my blissful dream, realizing that reality was so much better, I smiled. I opened my eyes to find Bella's nipple at eye-fucking-level. What the heck?

Since the first night I slept over, I'd come to find out that my girl was a bed hog. On top of that, she had a habit of sleeping in the strangest positions.

One time, I had found her head at my feet, her hand on my ass and her foot stuck under my armpit. When I asked her about it, she got all flustered and blushed as she explained. In her youth, she sleepwalked. On more than one occasion, she had actually walked outside of her childhood home and attempted to hot-wire her dad's car.

At that point, Charlie was beside himself, trying to find a way to stop her from escaping and possibly hurt herself. But she escaped every lock and countermeasure in her sleepwalking state. The last resort would've been restraint, but he refused to do so. In the end, he slept on the floor of her room, right in front of her bedroom door. The first night, she stepped right over him, but he managed to lead her back to bed. The second, the same thing occurred. On the third night, she'd taken to staying in bed and thus Bed-Hogging-Bella was born.

Another moan from Bella brought me out of my thoughts and back to the fact that there were boobs in my face. My guess was that Bella had a naughty dream if where my face was any indication. Not one to deny her a dream come true, I took the already tight bud in my mouth. She stirred her further, her leg draping across my hip.

I groaned as my hands slid down her back and onto her ass. "Baby, please be awake." I moaned when I felt how naughty her dream had been against my stomach.

_I will not take advantage of my fiancée while she's asleep. I will not take advantage of my fiancée while she's asleep. _

I chanted the words over and over in my head, slowing down the movements of her hips and reluctantly pulling away from her tasty little nipple. Biting down on my lip to keep from groaning again, seeing the pink, wet flesh made me want to forget my morals and say fuck it.

"You know, if you keep staring at it," Bella said in a raspy, sleepy voice. "It's not going to go away." She giggled and they increased when I tackled her, pulling her beneath me.

"Oh good, you're awake," I murmured as I nibbled at her neck. "I thought for a moment you were sleep humping me, or at the very least trying to suffocate me with your boobies."

"What a way to die, huh?" she said, laughing, tugging gently on my hair.

"Fuck dying with honor," I said in deep voice, trying to sound serious. "I'd much rather die with these beauties in my face. I'd die a happy man." Taking her breasts in my hands, I pushed them together so I could bury my face in them. She giggled as I growled and nibbled.

"Ah, and on your tombstone, I will have them etch, _Son, friend, lover who died of asphyxiation while exploring Mt. Blushmore and Imgonnalickya Mountain._"

I groaned at the names I had made up in my drunken stupor on opening night. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Give it a year or two. By then, you may do or say something else as foolish that would be so much better to bring up," she said, forcing me onto my back. I sighed and gave her a little smirk.

"We need to get ready," I grumbled. "Everyone is going to be here," I looked at the alarm clock on the night stand, "in two hours to head up to the campsite together."

She nodded and looked thoughtful. "Are we going to tell them?" The fingers of her right hand touched upon the ring on her left one.

"Do you want to?" God, I hoped she wanted to; I didn't want to hide it.

"Did you ask my dad?"

Oh fuck! I knew I'd forgotten something. Dev mounted a black horse, threw down his cigar and motioned me to saddle up. It was time to meet an agent of death. Not without protection, of course. I thought it would be best to at least wear a cup.

"I'll take that as a no," she whispered, climbing off me. "We can't tell them until you ask him first."

"He's going to castrate me," I said softly. I watched as she moved around the room, collecting clothes. "The last time I saw him was the night of the opening."

She grinned and shook her head. "You'll be fine."

"I don't wanna leave," I whined, because seeing her naked was seriously making me lightheaded. All my blood was collecting in that certain male organ. "I'd like to know what you were dreaming about."

She threw a coy look over her shoulder and slapped her delectable ass. "I dreamt of you, of course. It was a lovely dream."

I growled, jumped out of bed and chased her around the room. Within a few moments, I had her on the bed, under me, laughing and out of breath. "Now, before I walk into the valley of death," I started, causing Bella to roll her eyes and smack my shoulder. "I really think I'd like to do some more exploring." Slowly, one of my fingers circled one of her nipples. Then I flipped her onto her stomach. She gasped and laughed, breathless and my fingers continued to touch every inch of her soft skin.

Laying a kisses down the middle of her back and a final one at the base of her spine, she moaned. It appeared that I had found another BellaZone, also known as erogenous zones. It was these locations throughout her body where I could make her writhe within seconds of touching them.

This one seemed to be a good one, too. I lifted her hips enough to slip a hand between her body and the mattress. She moaned when I touched where she was slick and warm, arching her lower half against my hips.

Damn, my girl had a fantastic ass. I wanted to bite it; I might have a vampire fetish that I was previously unaware of until I met Bella.

"I swear if you bite my butt," she hissed, reading my mind, glaring at me. "There will be hell to pay."

I shrugged and grinned. "I thought about it for about two seconds. I won't, but I'm going explore some more."

"Whoa, buddy," she said, laughing, wiggling her ass more. "You start naming the crack of my ass, and then we'll have issues."

"Bubble Butt Can—" I started but she growled loudly. "No? How about Crackato—"

"I can disable you in less than two moves," she said firmly. "Do you really want your privates to get reacquainted with my foot?"

I grinned and kissed across her shoulder. "No, thank you, I'd like for us to have children someday," I whispered. "Now shh, I need to take my time, you have ample area for me to explore back here."

She giggled and snorted. When she bucked her hips so that they'd meet mine again, I groaned out loud. I didn't think I could remember when I had so much fun in my life. To think I'd have my wicked way with her every morning for the rest of our lives.

Soon, my touches turned her cute laughter into long shuddering moans. "Edward," she gasped when I slid inside her from behind.

"Fuck," I groaned, dropping my head on her shoulder. Shit, I wasn't going to last in that position. She felt too fucking good. "Love you."

"Oh, love you, too."

With ragged breaths and deep sighs purred in her throat, her hips met mine time and time again. "Damn," I hissed, wishing I could last a little longer. She moaned in protest beneath me as I shifted position, pulling her over me and facing me.

Grasping, eyes closed, she straddled my hips, and cried out softly when I entered her again, "Edward." She looked damn beautiful with open, expressive eyes lost to what I'd given her. Finally, I had her all to myself. Soon, she'd be mine, in body, soul and, eventually, paper. She'd be my wife and forever be tied to me.

My hands roamed over flushed, warm skin, over hips and thighs, landing on her beautiful breasts. She laughed softly, smiling. "You're reached the summit," she said breathlessly, punctuated with a hard roll of her hips.

I groaned in satisfaction. "I will be soon," I whispered, smirking. "But not before you reach the peak." Laughing together, we both moaned as fingers tightened around one another.

Biting my lip, I slipped a hand to where our bodies met, teasing her. Her head fell back, her hair brushing the sensitive skin of my thighs. _Fuck, I will not come yet. _

Dev decided to start showing me pictures of Emmett in various poses in risqué lingerie. It only worked for a few moments, failing the moment she fell forward, her hands clutching my chest, nails biting. Gah!

"So close," she murmured. That gave me the incentive to see her through the hurdle we had yet to overcome. We had made love all night, and though I had brought her to completion several times, it was always before or after actual sex. Which really fucking sucked.

I pressed hard between her thighs and thrust up to meet her downward strokes. She gasped and bit her lip, moving faster above me. Fuck, it was beautiful thing to see her get off while straddling me. The image of her like that would forever be played on repeat whenever I ended up in the dog house and would have to resort to my hopefully useless friend – Marie.

A throaty gasp of my name had my eyes snapping open, a tight clench of her thighs and she fell over the edge. I continued shallowly thrusting into her, prolonging her climax. Sighs, whimpers and my name fell like a chant from her beautiful mouth. Seeing her, feeling her tightened further around me, temporarily blinded me as I practically screamed her name as I came.

Apparently, Bella was a quiet lover, while I was embarrassingly loud. We were at opposite of ends of the spectrum, but so freaking perfect for each other.

I felt her collapse on top of me, and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her. After a few minutes of trying to catch our breath, she said, "I can hear you smirking." She rolled her hips slightly, shifting to lie beside me. "You're entirely too proud of yourself." Her eyes were closed, but there was a beautiful and satisfied smile on her face.

I grinned, tracing the line of her neck with the tips of my fingers. "How does my smirk sound?"

She giggled. "Like a grunting caveman."

I laughed and pulled her closer. "Mine!" She smacked my stomach. "Should I club you over the head and drag you to my cave?"

"Not today," she said, smiling, finally looking up at me. "We need to get ready. I hope you had your fill." I shook my head, eliciting an eye roll from her. "Well, it has to be, because we're not doing that anywhere near Emmett and the rest of the gang this weekend." I groaned—fucking cockblockers.

She walked into the closet to gather some clothes to start getting ready. I got up to do the same, and after she'd given me a smile, she walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I winked, telling her I'd join her in a few minutes.

The moment I heard the shower running, I threw my fists in the air. "Yes! I made her come!" I danced around, fist pumping and smacked my own ass. Dev joined me in dancing, while Angel only rolled his eyes. "I am a sex god!"

Then, I heard clapping. Damn. "You done?" Bella said, leaning against the wall watching me intently—gloriously naked.

I felt my face burn in embarrassment, but instead of dwelling on that, I grinned. "One more time, baby." I closed my eyes, air-guitared into a mid-lunge, threw my hands in the air, and dropped my head down. My girl giggled at me all the while. "Thank you, thank you very much."

I looked to see Bella roll her eyes, she curled her finger a few times to come over. I happily complied, since she didn't seem upset. She might have scowled at me, because my eyes were on her erect little nipples. Prettiest pink nips I'd ever seen, and I'd seen a lot in my mags and porn, of course.

The moment I was close, she wrapped her arms around me. "I like when you dance, it's both cute and hot," she purred, nipping along my jaw. I stirred below, between our bodies. She wiggled against me, but added, "Now let's shower, then you need to go see Daddy."

Ah, fuck!

~oOo~

If there was a God, Charlie wouldn't answer the door. Or if he did, Heidi, his fiancée would be there, too. Surely, he wouldn't consider killing me in front of his future wife?

Dev stood on my shoulder, cracked his knuckles, rolled his shoulders and neck from side to side. Chin held high, he pulled open his slick black suit jacket, showing me that he was packing heat. Angel in a similar suit, but in a white on white color scheme, held open his jacket to show me he was armed with a bible and pictures of me and Charlie's happy daughter.

If all else failed, I'd freaking resort to groveling and crying. I'd do anything to ensure a future with Bella. Though she made it clear that no matter what her father said, she'd still marry me; I felt that I needed his approval.

After a pep talk to myself and a few slaps to my face, I faced the music and knocked on his door. I told myself that he would not kill me, because it would upset Bella. Less than two seconds later, he opened the door, scowled and exhaled deeply.

His eyes softened suddenly and he shook his head. "I knew this day would come the moment I met you." Charlie motioned with a tilt of his head to come inside. He led me to the kitchen where he appeared to be making something to eat. "Sorry, just got in from a shift at the station. Have a seat and don't touch anything."

He gestured toward the dining room table. My felt my eyes nearly pop out of my head. Holy shit, he had a fucking arsenal on the table, along with gun cleaning supplies.

Fuck! _I will not piss in my pants. I will not piss in my pants. _

I nodded, unable to verbally respond, taking a seat near a shot gun. "I'm sorry for interrupting you," I said, trying to look calm and composed. Inside, I was sweating. He knew, from what he said when he answered, why I was there. The guns didn't help either.

"It's fine. Like I said, it was only a matter of time." I nodded. "Did you ask her already?"

I swallowed. "Yes," I said, grimacing. "It was something I hadn't intended to happen, it just did."

He watched me as he walked over, placing a plate in front of a chair on the other side of table, across from me. "Well, that's the way it should be happen. It means more that way."

The way he looked at me, watching my every move, I realized he was talking about something else, not only my proposal. He saw right through me. It was not an everyday occurrence that a man sat in front of the father of the woman he'd lost his virginity to, and knew it!

I gulped loudly, causing him to laugh. "Not to worry, Edward. I'm not about to shoot you. Even though most of you looks scared to death, the smile has not left your face. I'm not an idiot."

I looked down but nodded. "I didn't hurt her," I whispered. Then I heard the unmistakable sound of metal hitting metal. Holy shit, did he just arm one of his guns? My eyes snapped to his, a big smile on his face.

"That's a good thing," he said, setting the shot gun away from me. I exhaled sharply once it was no longer pointed at me. "Now, tell me about this proposal."

I shrugged and told him that we'd been stargazing and watching the meteor shower when it happened. I explained how I had the ring on me the night I got drunk, and when she put me in bed, she had found it.

He laughed and said, "Of course, she did. Did you ask her about finding it?" I nodded. "I bet it drove you crazy until you mentioned it. That's my Bella. She wouldn't want to say anything to you, choosing to wait you out instead."

"I thought she hadn't brought it up because she didn't want to get married."

He smiled sadly. "She didn't do it on purpose, Edward. For her, choice is very important. She wouldn't want to force you into the position to talk about it. She'd want for you to make the decision to discuss it on your own."

"Yes, but you have to admit a part of her loved to keep me on my toes the entire time," I said, grinning.

"That's Bella, you better get used to it," he said. "Now that you're engaged, care to tell me how you plan to take care of my baby girl?"

"We both talked," I said, coughed because we really hadn't talked a lot about it yet. Plus, we were busy. "We'll wait to get married until after I graduate the coming spring."

He nodded. "You don't have to work, you know that, right? She has plenty of money."

I shook my head. "I'm not the type that could just sit around and do nothing with my time. I'm going to work, but in all likelihood, I'll be working from home."

"At least, you don't have to buy a new house."

It was then that I realized what he was implying. Sitting up a little straighter, I looked him in the eyes. "I don't care about her money. I love her. If you'd feel more comfortable having me sign a pre-nup, I will."

Taking a bite of his sandwich, his gaze remained on me as he chewed. "She'd kill me if I even suggest it."

I smiled and nodded. "She'd kick me where it hurts if I did the same." We both shifted uncomfortably and laughed together. "I love her, Charlie."

He sighed and smiled. "Yeah, I know. Like I said, I knew the day would come too soon. That first day I met you, I knew you'd take my little girl away."

I shook my head. "We're not going anywhere."

"Good." He grabbed a box of shotgun shells, making me tense. Handing them to me, he said, "Here, I don't think I'll need these anymore." He smirked as I looked inside the opened box; more than fifty shells had my name carved on their sides. Clearly, the man had too much time in his hands.

"That's not to say I don't have a rocket with your name on it for my bazooka." His smile was both teasing and fucking serious. Oh fuck, I believed him.

"Nice to know," I said, laughing. "But I told Bella if I ever hurt her that, she could kick me _there_," I cleared my throat and smiled, "as hard as she'd like. But I don't plan to ever hurt her internally."

"You have a big mouth when you drink."

"No worries, if I ever have a drink, it will be in the privacy of my own home and not in public. I don't want something like that to happen again."

His eyes narrowed as if he thought of something suddenly. "You're not moving in with her, are you?"

"We haven't discussed that yet," I said thoughtfully, but I had to be honest with him. "It would make both our lives easier. I don't sleep well without her and I know it's the same for Bella. However, it will be a decision we will make together."

He gave me a long look. "Good, never try to make decision that concerns you both on your own. You'd pay for it dearly." Charlie looked at his watch and grunted. "You better get back to my daughter. It's almost time to leave. Now, before you go, I know Emmett is family, but I expect you to watch out for her. I don't trust him."

I grinned, rising to my feet. "I'll do my best to keep her safe from him, but I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself."

He laughed and nodded. After showing me to the door, he held me back with a hard hand on my shoulder. I turned and he surprised me by pulling me into a hug. "Thank you for showing her to live and play and not only work. I was worried about her. Take care of her."

As I drove away a couple of minutes later, I realized my shoulder was a little wet. Who thought that Charlie Fucking Swan was capable of tears? Would I do the same with my own daughter?

Immediately, my answer was yes. What a fucking day.

~oOo~

"You all packed up?" Emmett said as he bounded over to me. I nodded and strapped down the firewood Bella had bought that we put in her truck. He rubbed his hands together. "Let's go!" He went inside the house to go to the bathroom.

Since Rosalie wasn't up to camping yet, and with a newborn, she remained at home. However, Jake, also a friend of Emmett's, joined him. I groaned and watched as Jake made his way to Bella, asking if she needed any help. I knew he'd never actually try anything with her; he wasn't that big of an asshole. However, it wouldn't stop him from flirting with her.

"I see the ring is on her finger," Jasper said, draping his arm across my shoulders. "You asked her, didn't you?" He knew I lied that night when I showed the ring to him.

"Last night." I smiled, watching as she showed the ring to Alice who practically jumped into Bella's arms. "As you can see she said yes."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. "All right! Eddie is getting married."

"What the fuck?" Emmett shouted and quickly slipped his cell phone from his pocket. "You didn't even tell me until right now! I better call Rosalie before she finds out from Heidi."

"Lucky asshole," Jake grumbled and gave me a bear hug when Jasper let me go. "Dog pile!" Emmett tossed his cell to Bella as all the guys grabbed me and we tumbled onto the grass. I laughed and cursed as all the weight of all the assholes landed on me bodily.

"Fuck yes!" Emmett said. "Bachelor party. We're going to put Hangover to shame!"

"Like your wife would agree," Alice sang from the sidewalk. I grunted when someone's knee dug into my thigh.

"Get off me," I roared, still laughing because some ass was tickling my side. Yes, guys tickle, too. I started to get lightheaded, the wind being smashed out of me, unable to see shit because Emmett's ass was practically on my face.

"You know if they were naked," Bella said loudly. "This would be hot." Alice groaned and pretended to gag. "Let my man up, I need him!"

"Hell no," Emmett and Jasper said. "This is a rite of passage." She warned them to listen a few times, to which they ignored.

Then, I heard Emmett screaming like a girl, Jasper hissed as the weight on my chest and limbs started to ease. Jake grunted and groaned, "Holy shit, she kicked my ass."

I cracked an eye open and started to laugh breathlessly. Alice was hunched over, laughing, in near tears. Bella stood with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot. At my girl's feet, three grown men were disabled and in obvious pain. All of them were grabbing various parts of their bodies, from their ears, to their nuts and ass.

She gave me a devious smirk and winked. Oh, this is going to be an interesting weekend.

**AN: Sorry, I had forgotten about Charlie! I had to add this little bit of filler, plus Edward wanted a little more sexy times before he goes camping. **


	24. Surrender

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Chapter Twenty-Three – Surrender**

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**Betaed by kyla713**

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**Emmett **

I flipped Jasper the finger as he passed me up for the second time on the way to the campgrounds. Whenever Edward, Jasper and I got together, there always something that we turned into a competition. Whether it was racing, swimming or even belching, we competed until we found a winner. It was fucking tradition. Our camping trip would be no different.

And I couldn't wait to get Bella and Edward back for all the crap I had to go through in that tiny nine-by-nine cell and gutting fish. Not to mention the funky smell that had me dipping my ass in a lemon-douche water concoction. How the fuck was I supposed to know not to dip in it completely naked, especially if you had an open wound. Fucking manscaping; that shit stung.

Oh yeah, it was high time the happy couple got what was coming to them.

**Edward**

Once Emmett and Jake were in my review mirror, I knew I was safe until the next chance for him to pass came up. I looked over at Bella and smiled. "You know Emmett's going to try something, right?"

She laughed and shrugged. "That's fine with me. I can take him."

I took her hand in mine and pulled it to my lips. "Oh, you've proved that this morning, love. Are you willing to show me a few moves?"

Bella bit her lip, cocking her head to one side as she regarded me. "I don't know, Edward." She shrugged and smiled coyly. "What's in it for me?"

"Peace of mind," I said easily. "And if a mugger chooses to hold us up, I don't have to look like ass and let my wife take care of it." I was baiting her, because I knew that shit wouldn't be taken lightly. She was a feminist at heart, at least about certain things.

She cocked in eyebrow in question. "Are you saying you wouldn't protect me anyway?" Her bottom lip trembled as moisture started to gather at the corners of her eyes.

Holy shit! Had I really made it sound that way? Then the brat started to laugh. "Oh, you better not turn on the water works like that again." I growled playfully. "I said it jokingly. Baby, I'd take a bullet for you, even a bazooka shell."

She sighed. "Clearly, my father decided to show you his collection. He had emailed me a picture of the modified shell, painted with your likeness on side with a target on your chest."

I shuddered. "Your father has way too much time on his hands."

She giggled and agreed. We talked about Charlie and Heidi's upcoming nuptials. I asked a question without thought. Just blurted it out like a dumbass. "Is Heidi okay with not having children?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Edward, my father is only forty-two years old. And as Heidi all ready mentioned the nauseating information to me, he's very capable of having children." I groaned, sickened with the mental image of Charlie testing his spunk to make sure his soldiers were still in prime condition.

"What's strange is the idea that Heidi and I might get pregnant at the same time."

I cringed and shuddered again. "Um, yeah, that is really weird." A thought crossed my mind, there were still things I didn't know about Bella. They were the type of things that would affect our future together. "How many kids would you like to have?"

"I'd like to have one of each, at the very least, but three seems to be the right number to me."

I smiled and kissed her hand again. "That does sound perfect. I hope she has your eyes." Already picturing our future daughter, I was awed by the dreamlike image of the pint-sized beauty.

Bella gave me a brilliant smile. "I hope our little boy has your –" she looked thoughtful, and I knew then she was baiting me. Fuck, I loved that she would do that with me every day for the rest of our lives. "Teeth."

I barked out a laugh and shook my head. "My teeth? You can do better than that."

She grinned. "All right," she said, rolling her eyes. "I hope they have the same patience you have. I know being with me hasn't been easy but you've stood by me, time and time again. Though both of us have made some mistakes, we still managed to stay together. That takes commitment, love, communication, and as I said, patience."

"No, our relationship hasn't been easy," I said thoughtfully. Moved by her words, I struggled to put my emotions behind my own. "What has been was falling in love with you, Bella. So damn easy, and though things haven't run smoothly, I wouldn't change a thing. We'll make mistakes, but that's part of life and learning. I love you, baby."

"I love you," she whispered, nuzzling my cheek for a few moments. "And your hair, I hope our son has your hair."

"He'll be a lady killer," I teased. She giggled and pressed her lips to my neck. "So, that's three kids, a four bedroom, two bath house and two cars. Any chance we can add two-point-five pets?"

"We'll see," she replied, patting my thigh affectionately. "Should we look for a place of our own or is my house adequate?"

"I don't have a job currently," I said softly. "And though my parents have helped me for years, I don't want to be a burden on them anymore." I shook my head, clearing my throat before continuing, "Having said that, I want to work. I don't want to leech off you."

"You know I'd never see it that way, especially once we're married," she replied simply. "I understand where you're coming from, though. How about we compromise? You can move in once you've graduated next spring, and work part-time to help with the utilities. The rest of the time can be devoted on setting up your own company."

"The way the economy is," I said warily. "The chances for success in either venture may prove difficult. Even part-time jobs are tough to find nowadays."

"I want you with me," she whispered. I could hear the fear in her voice, but also acceptance.

"I'm not worried, baby," I said, watching her sigh as she settled fully on her seat. "I'll agree to move in together by spring but I'd like to add the stipulation that we'd be married by then."

"Aww," she cooed, rubbing my stubble covered jawline. "You want to make me an honest woman."

I snorted. "If that was a case, I wouldn't have used my tongue—" Her hand clamped over my mouth, her eyes narrowed.

"You can't bring that up while driving," she hissed, squirming in her seat. Damn. She was aroused. Dev patted me on the back, while wiping away imaginary tears from his eyes. "Now, let's discuss the two-point-five pets."

Licking her palm with the tip of my tongue, I grinned when her breath caught. Teasing her was fun.

~oOo~

Teasing was fucking painful. At least when Bella teased me to the point that I'd been hard for the past few hours. Once we arrived to our campground, each little group worked to get our campsite set up. Bella was quite helpful, since she seemed to be the only one that understood the instructions to our new tent. However, the evil, sexy seductress either touched me while no one was looking, or gave me enticing looks down her sweater.

Dev promptly indicated that DeviBella had completely taken over our sweet angel, and in all likelihood, had to do with the fact that we were finally doing it. Personally, I wanted to believe that she was as insatiable as I was. What was that saying? _Once you pop, you can't stop._

Angel slapped the side of my head and told me _not_ to say that out loud. I wasn't stupid, but I was pretty sure that Emmett would've gotten a kick out of it. However, I wasn't the type to um…_kiss _and tell.

"That's it," Bella said, stepping back to look at the finished product. She gave me a smile and unzipped our tent. "At least it's tall enough so that you won't have to hunch over." I smiled, stepping inside with her. I zippered up the tent and waggled my eyebrows. She rolled her eyes, but cocked her finger for me to come closer.

As if I wouldn't. The moment I felt her arms around me, I kissed her soft mouth, sighing since it felt as if it'd been days since I last tasted her. She moaned softly and all I wanted to do was grab her ass and settle myself in between her thighs.

However, Cockblockers 1 and 2, decided to walk right in our tent. "Hey, hey now," Jake said, with a dopey grin on his face. "Leave that for when you're at home. Out here, it's only supposed to be things all natural. No electronics or battery operated machinery."

"Yeah," Emmett snickered, checking out our tent. "We all know you have to use a vibrator to get her off."

"Fuck off," I growled as I pulled my mouth from Bella. However, my sexy ass fiancée bit my lower lip and sucked it between hers. I groaned and kissed her hard once more.

Bella gasped as she pulled back, giving me a naughty smile. "Edward takes care of me without help and he's so attentive. 'Five times since last night' kind of attention." Well, apparently Bella had little problems with kissing and telling.

She turned toward Jacob and Emmett and grinned mischievously. "Do we need to have another demonstration like this morning?"

Both of their eyes nearly popped out of their heads as they cupped themselves. "No," they said in unison.

"I can't believe you have your girlfriend fighting your battles," Emmett grumbled.

I laughed. "Jealous? I'm fine with it, but she promised to teach me."

"Damn," Jacob hissed. "Why does that sound so fucking dirty?"

Bella rolled her eyes and shooed them out of the tent. "That's because men think with their dicks over ninety percent of their day."

"Do not," Jacob hissed. His gaze lowered to Bella's scoop neck sweater, completely mesmerized by the flesh on display there. Bella slapped the side of his head.

"You were saying," she said as she walked over to get the rest of our things from the truck.

"What? They were just there," he said, watching her ass.

I smacked him, too. "Stop drooling over my future wife," I said with a roll of my eyes. "You are not going to be my best man, that's for sure."

"Aw!" Jacob whined. "I'm only looking." He slapped his hand on my back and pulled me into a headlock. "I'd never actually touch. Plus, you need to get used to it."

"I know," I said. I had to be secure enough in our relationship, and I was. And it was the main reason I wasn't trying to kill Jacob for looking at Bella like he had. The ass messed up my hair more and laughed. Slapping his hand away, I wrapped my arms around his waist and we landed on the floor in a heap of laughter and flailing limbs. We scuffled for a few seconds when I saw Emmett walk away.

"Guys," he said almost sweetly. "Grow up already. We need to finish setting up." He gave Bella a big smile and hauled down some of our things. Bella cocked an eyebrow in question, but when he only smiled, she turned her attention to me. Yup, the man had plans for us. We would have to be on alert all the time, and never take a drink from him. God knew what he'd do to us if we fell into a medicated sleep.

I wouldn't put it past him; he'd done it before. And to Jasper of all people, and that was something that Emmett was still watching his back for. Apparently, he hadn't learned his lesson.

I landed a punch to Jacob's solar plexus, causing him to become winded. He groaned as I rose to my feet. I ran toward Bella and hid behind her. She laughed and handed me our bags of clothes. I brushed my lips over hers and took off toward our tent just as Jacob lunged toward me.

Laughing, Bella threw something toward Jacob, forcing him to catch it. "Finish setting up," she chastised. "Then you can try kicking his ass."

"Hey," I said firmly, trying not to laugh. "I see how it is, I use you as a shield once and it lands me in the dog house."

She shook her head and walked into our tent with our pillows and few blankets. "You're not in the dog house. I just think it'll make him feel better. He did get his ass handed to him by a woman."

"A tiny little thing, too," Emmett sang from the tent next to ours. Fucking assholes decided to put their tent so close, it almost felt as if we were sharing a damn wall.

"Fucker," Jacob hissed and I heard Emmett exhale loudly. "She kicked your behind, too."

After we finished setting up, Bella and I decided to take a walk along the shore. It was a little windy, so we both put on some heavier sweaters. As we left the campsite, we could hear Emmett and Jacob sing, _"Edward and Bella f-u-c-k-i-n-g, first comes love then comes marriage…then comes Edward with a dad-mobile."_

Fuckers.

"Remind me why we put up with them?" I grumbled, taking her hand. She shrugged and seemed to be as clueless as I was. We passed Alice and Jasper while they finished unpacking their things from the Alice's SUV.

She popped her head out of the tent and smiled. "Where are you two off to defile?" Alice asked sweetly. I raised an eyebrow in question. "You can't be that clueless, Edward. Walks are the perfect way to get some alone time. You can bet that Jasper and I will be taking a _walk_ later this afternoon."

I choked and gagged, and all the while, Alice and Bella laughed. Tugging Bella behind me, I quickly made my way down a trail. The horrid images that confession had trudged up made me want to bleach my brain. It seemed that I could finally understand why Emmett had such a hard time seeing Bella as a sexual being. He saw her as a sister; one that he probably hoped would've stayed the sweet, innocent girl he met in an elevator. And since Alice was my cousin, the idea of her and Jasper doing it in the woods…I couldn't even finish the thought without bile rising in my throat.

However, I cackled internally, since I had corrupted all that innocence in less than a month. Dev stood on my shoulder, all debonair in a suit, stroking his mustache as he laughed evilly. Immediately, the image faded when Bella slapped her hand on my chest.

"I have to wonder, if Dev and Angel are making more appearances or less," Bella teased. "I know for a fact that my angel hadn't made one since I met you."

I growled at her tone and more so as I threw her over my shoulder, slapping her behind. "You are a devil in disguise, babe."After a few more squeals from my fiancée, I set her down after we hadn't seen anyone in quite a while. "Now, that we've discussed our future a little more –" I pressed my mouth against her neck, walking her backward while my arms held her close. "We haven't discussed a date and how big our wedding will be."

Bella sighed softly, allowing me more access to her delectable neck. "The sooner the better," she whispered, gasping when my teeth raked over her flushed skin. "But it might be a good idea to wait until you graduate."

I shook my head. "There is no way I can handle wedding plans, studying and starting a business at the same time. Do you want a big wedding?"

I pulled back in time to see her shake her head gently. "Considering the way the media handled my comeback, I can't even begin to imagine what they'd say about me getting married at my age." I stilled. Did that mean she'd make me wait even longer? Her hands framed my face, forcing my gaze onto her. "However, if we kept it small and moved quickly, we may be able to avoid it. Or, at the very least, be prepared for it. Keep it simple and then I'd have my people make an announcement afterward."

I nodded, sighing in relief. "I have to talk to my parents." Though I had made my plans clear to my parents and Nana the night that Bella had dinner with us, I needed to know how they felt about a simple ceremony. The where and how mattered little to me, only that Bella would be there was what was important.

I loved her, and soon, the whole world would know it, along with the fact that she had pretty pink nipples. I stilled cringed whenever I thought about the night I had confessed to all sorts of things concerning my Bella to a reporter.

"We have to talk to your parents," Bella said firmly. "Nana said that she'd have my hide if I hurt you, so we need to tell her I said yes. And I have no intention of letting the paparazzi destroy our chance at a lovely wedding."

I nodded. "Nana had said that if you said 'no', that I should kidnap you. She said in that tone of hers, that under no circumstances was I to allow you to walk away."

She smiled up at me, laughing softly. "As if I would."

I grinned and waggled my eyebrows. "It's my sexual prowess that did it, right?"

Bella giggled and wrapped her arms around. "I said yes before we had sex," she said, kissing my chin and then nibbled. She had to know what that did to me. I growled and tightened hold her hips. "But I have to admit, your willingness to learn may have been in your favor."

I laughed and kissed her soft lips. "I knew it. I am fucking phenomenal. Call me Edward, sex god!" She laughed against my lips, protesting when I backed her against a tree. "It's also a good thing I was a boy scout." She raised an eyebrow in question. "Left front pocket," I added, lifting her and wrapping her legs around my hips. "I'm always prepared." She laughed when she pulled out a condom and a pre-packed wipe. "Less mess." With another kiss, I covered her breast with my palm. "Now, what color panties are you wearing?"

~oOo~

Hours later, our entire group reconvened at our campground. Bella, Alice and Jasper set up the two camp stoves we brought to start dinner. Our lunch earlier had consisted of simple sandwiches and warm chicken soup. However, Jasper wanted to cook up something else and completely refused to cook the fish that Jacob had caught.

"What the hell is wrong with my fish?" Jacob complained, grumbling as Bella cubed some meat for chili.

Bella laughed and gave him a smile. "My Dad punished him and Emmett by having them gut three dozen fish."

Jacob's eyes widened and then he burst out laughing. "Oh, man! I'd love to see that shit. God, I can't imagine how they must've smelled afterward."

Alice groaned and hissed. "I made Jasper go into our backyard, strip, and hosed him down."

I started to laugh, covering it up with a cough when Jasper leveled me with a glare. "The water was fucking cold!"

Alice laughed. "You should've seen his face when I brought out fish to make for dinner the other night. I never saw him look so green or run to the bathroom so fast."

Bella wiggled her eyebrows. "Maybe we should fry up your fish, Jake." He nodded and said he gutted them himself. Jasper gagged and walked away from the table, and right out of the campsite.

Alice watched him go and gave Bella a look. "Now I know what I can do when 'I got a headache' doesn't work."

Bella looked questionably. "Are you saying there are times you don't want to have sex?" I snorted and coughed some of the beer I'd been drinking. She had asked the question as if the idea was beyond reason.

Jacob cursed and shook his head. Our eyes met and I was sure we were thinking the same thing. _I am one lucky bastard._

Alice put her hand on her hip and cocked an eyebrow. "Yes, Bella, there are times I don't want to have sex. Like when I've had a bad day at work."

Bella shrugged. "Well, considering that having an orgasm often cures a headache, I can see why Jasper wouldn't believe that excuse for a second. And if you're having a bad day, I'd think cuddling up with your loved one would make it better."

Alice sighed and shook her head, grumbling under her breath. "You'll understand one day, my dear."

Bella shrugged as if she still didn't understand, and frankly, I hoped she never would.

~oOo~

"Dude!" Jake screeched at an epically girlish level. "Your fiancée makes Carrie look like an angel." He shivered and ran toward the safety of his tent. "I'm going to bed."

"Jacob, I promise not to use that voice again," Bella whispered in a haunting voice. "I won't even tell anymore ghost stories."

Jacob's head popped out of the tent and growled. "You're using it now. You're fucking scary. I'll have nightmares about you for weeks."

I grinned, tucking Bella against my side. "As long as you don't _dream_ or fantasize about her," I said firmly.

Jacob scowled and glared at me. "She totally killed any fantasies with that voice. I almost expected her head to spin."

We had all gathered after dinner to tell scary stories, usually we'd all have a laugh. That was until Bella started. She had a way to pull you into her story, a mesmerizing voice, and the way she described the images in her mind. She told the story with her expressions and her hands, pulling us further into a sense of comfort. Then bam! She'd scare the fuck out of us with a scream or a voice that bordered on Linda Blair scary.

Bella laughed, but it wasn't her regular, floating sweet laughter. It was downright bone chillingly haunting. Jacob hissed and zipped up his tent, with him safely tucked inside. Bella gave me a smile and a sweet kiss, leaving me breathless and glad that, despite the demonic voice she had, that it was all make believe.

Emmett stood from his seat across from us and grabbed two sticks, creating a cross. Bella watched him with glee evident in her glowing eyes. He held them up to her and watched for signs of something. "Just making sure," he said with a laugh, tossing the sticks into the fire. "You won't melt or burn if throw holy water on you?"

Bella smiled a crooked grin, one that usually left me wondering when the bomb would drop. She lowered her eyes and said, "You don't have any holy water on you, Emmett."

He shivered visibly, shaking his head. "No, but I'm an ordained priest."

"What?" I asked. "When and why would you do that?"

Emmett shrugged. "When they were saying that it was easy to do on the internet, I checked it out. Now I can marry anybody, as long as they have marriage license, of course." He grinned. "How about it, kids?"

Bella shook her head. "No. I won't have you marrying us and finding out months later that we're not legally married."

He laughed and patted Bella's head. "I would never do that to you." Bella quirked an eyebrow in question at him, because we all knew he was lying. "I'd tell you a few days later." Bella slapped his hand away; she hated when Emmett petted her hair.

"That's what I thought," she said, batting her lashes sweetly. It was totally unlike her, at least lately. Dev and I could plainly see that she was playing Emmett like a fucking violin.

"You would never do anything to hurt me, right, Emmy?" She widened her eyes, a wash of unshed tears glazed over them, there was even a slightly tremble of her bottom pouting lip. "That's because you love me."

Emmett's shoulders slumped and he let out a deep breath. "No, Bella. I'd never do anything to hurt you." He pulled her up in his arms and hugged her close. "But Edward is totally up from grabs."

Damn, she was good, very good. She practically assured her safety from him while camping.

Bella giggled and playfully smacked his arm. She gave him a smacking kiss on his lips, laughing when Jasper suggested that they get a room. Emmett scowled and mentioned something about voodoo and witch doctors under his breath.

Since we were all exhausted from setting up and our hike, the rest of us decided to call it a night. I pulled Bella into our tent, swiftly lifting her sweater over her head.

"Now, my love," I crooned softly, because as always, I was horny. "Any chance you can be quiet as I make love to you?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Who was the one that woke the neighbors last night, huh?"

I grinned and shrugged. "What can I say? You make me lose control. And we were outside." She laughed, pulling my t-shirt from my jeans, cupping me in the process. I bit a groan and said, "Like you are now."

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and pushed me onto our air mattress. I bit the inside of my cheek, as I watched her crawl over me. She looked hungry, and considering how much she ate earlier, I knew it wasn't for food. God, I loved this woman!

She tugged hard on the button of my jeans, causing me to bite my fist to avoid making some kind of sound. Considering how close Jacob and Emmett were, I knew I had to keep quiet. She was right; it would be me that would expose us.

_I will not groan and whimper like a fucking teenager. I will not groan and whimper like a fucking teenager. I will not groan and whimper like a fucking teenager. _

However, my internal chanting came to an abrupt halt when she took me in her mouth. I brought my pillow over my face and groaned deeply. Then she popped off and I could feel her cheek, resting against my thigh. The image that conjured alone was enough to make me come. I gestured with my hand, hissing into the pillow, "Please continue."

I felt her giggle as she closed her lips around me again, I groaned, bucking my hips helplessly. After a few minutes, I was desperate to see what she was doing to me. It took everything in me not to groan like a fucking school boy, when I saw her looking up at me through her dark lashes.

Not sure what to do, I gave her a smile when I desperately wanted to come and sing halleluiah. I also wasn't sure what to do with my hands, plus I didn't trust myself. What if I put them on her beautiful head and pushed her to take me deeper? That would be bad, I was sure of it. It would upset her.

So I gave her a one handed wave. Apparently, it was _not_ the right thing to do, because she stopped. I wanted to cry and whimper, my cock missing the warmth of her mouth. Her eyes were wide and her mouth pursed thinly. Oh shit.

"A wave?" she hissed. "Why did you wave?"

"I can't make any noise," I whispered. "So I wanted to make sure you knew I liked what you were doing." She waited, because she knew there had to be more. "I don't know what to do with my hands!"

She slapped my thigh, causing my balls to tighten a bit. "Do the same thing I do when you taste me."

Why did such a simple suggestion make me want to do it? I shook the thought since it was obvious that she didn't like me waving at her as she went down on me. Seriously, what was the big deal?

I must've asked my question out loud. "First, that was awkward. How would you feel about all the effort you're making and all you get is a tiny wave? And now that I think about it, you've been extra careful with me since the bite incident, holding back. Don't pretend you haven't."

I grumbled and pulled her over my chest. "I admit I have been," I whispered, nuzzling her neck. "I don't want to hurt you. I've bitten you twice, and made you cry both times."

"Dude," Jacob said. "You made her cry?" I knew it'd been too quiet. There should've been snoring that would give grizzlies something to be jealous about coming from the tent next door.

"I'm gonna kick his ass," Emmett said loudly, followed by the sound of a zipper. Bella and I scrambled to put the blanket over us. In seconds, he was inside, fuming like a bull that'd just seen a waving red flag. "You bit her?"

Bella then screamed like a fucking banshee. Emmett closed his hands over her years. "Holy fuck!" Jacob cried out from behind Emmett. "She's a scream queen!"

"Get out!" Bella screamed. "Yes, he bit me." She tossed the blanket over me, since my pants and boxers were around my ankles and pushed off me. "It was a while back, and he couldn't help himself. Not get out before I scream again."

Emmett growled and stomped outside, not before taking Bella by the arm. Jacob grinned and laughed. "Got caught with your pants down, huh?" I growled and threw a pillow at him. He laughed as he made his way out of the tent. I jumped to my feet and pulled my clothes back on.

Tossing the tent flap aside, I looked for Emmett, Bella and Jacob. I'd known Emmett was protective of her, but this was ridiculous. I jogged toward a trail since it was obvious that they hadn't gone in Emmett's tent, but I found Emmett and Bella in his truck.

Jacob stood outside of it, trying to listen in. Emmett was clearly not pleased as Bella spoke to him. After a few seconds, he stuck his fingers in his ears, singing la, la, la loudly. Bella rolled her eyes and hopped out of the truck.

Grinning, she took my hand and tugged me toward my tent. Obviously, she put her foot down with Emmett, which was a good thing. I looked back at my cousin to find him laughing, and then fucking waved. I groaned. She told him!

~oOo~

Since Bella's unearthly scream woke up everyone, we all decided to have a drink to help us fall asleep again. Though Bella was underage, she took the shot glass from Emmett. She eyed it and shook her head. "Can't I have it in some hot chocolate or something?"

Emmett nodded, since Alice had refused the alcohol, she had already started to make something else to drink. "Sure thing," he said and helped Alice with the hot chocolate.

I tried to keep an eye on him but Jacob kept making faces at me, waving comically. As if I'd given Bella a royal wave. When I thought back to the incident, I could see how stupid I must've looked waving at her while she had me in her mouth.

The thought had me aching and desperate for another _walk. _Jasper slapped the side of my head. "Let the poor girl sleep," he mumbled under his breath. I shrugged and tossed back the clear liquid in my glass. I shuddered as it warmed me throughout. She'd sleep all right, after I made her come…twice.

About twenty minutes later, we all said good night and made our way back into our tent. Unfortunately, we found that our air mattress had sprung a leak and had a hole. Emmett had brought a couple of extra ones, but they were twin size. After a lot of cursing, we had them aired up and pushed together.

"This sucks," I whispered, holding onto Bella's hand. The mattresses kept slipping away from each other and if we tried to sleep on one, it felt like we were sleeping on the ground instead of cushioned on the mattress.

"I know," she said softly. "We can try it like this tonight, and then tomorrow, we can try something else." I heard her yawn in the dark, pulling her close. She yelped when she rolled onto the ground.

"Sorry." I helped her back onto the mattress, since she was safely cocooned in a sleeping back. "This feels like we'd been duped."

Bella giggled. "Of course, it does. Why else would Emmett have two extra air mattresses?"

I laughed when she yawned again. "Sleep, baby, I'll protect you." She nodded, pecked my lips once and found sleep easily. After a few minutes, I found myself drifting to sleep.

~oOo~

I awoke to the sun bright over head and the sound of birds chirping. When I opened my eyes there were clouds and blue skies overhead. I sat up quickly, cursing when I fell into the water.

Fuck! The water was fucking freezing!

I screamed like a little girl, trying futilely to climb back on the air mattress that floated nearby. At the shore, I could see and hear Emmett laughing like the asshole he was. Oh, he'd pay.

I slapped my hand on the mattress and started the swim back to shore. With Emmett in my reach, I threw my soaked t-shirt at his laughing face. "I can't believe you fell for it," he said, still laughing. My sweats were water-logged and heavy as I made my way to my tent.

"Laugh it up," I hissed. "I'm setting Bella on your ass." He pretended to shiver in place. When I pulled open my tent, I saw the drag marks near the entrance. I should've known he spiked something we'd eaten or drank the previous night.

I called out to Bella and found her air mattress gone. I had to hide my smile as the perfect opportunity arose. "Where's Bella?" I turned to Emmett almost frantically. He laughed and pointed to the water behind. "You did the same thing to her!"

When his eyes widened, he nodded. "Of course I did. You both deserved it," he said stubbornly.

"She doesn't know how to swim!"

"What?" he roared and turned on his heels, running for the lake. I smiled and watched as he dived into the water. Bella came out from behind our tent, drying her hair.

"You're mean," she said, wrapping a towel around my shoulders.

"He was meaner," I whispered, kissing the top of her head. "You okay?" She shivered and nodded.

"I left him a little present on the mattress," she said. "I was about to come get you, but you woke up."

I laughed. "I'm fucking freezing." She nodded and we watched as Emmett reached her mattress, calling out her name. The moment he realized he'd been tricked, his head went underwater. Moments later, he jumped out and onto the mattress.

Alice, Jacob and Jasper joined us and we watched as Emmett waved the white flag, made out of a thin branch and Bella's sock. He had surrendered – finally.

We laughed together, and I was sure, though we'd won the battle, that the prank war would continue for years to come. I pulled Bella into my arms, and realized that I had a partner in crime, a general that would surely bring us to victory – together.

After all, the war all started with a prank, an ugly ass purse and the girl of my dreams.

* * *

**AN: Only an epilogue left. God, I'm going to miss these two.**


	25. Epilogue

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Epilogue**

* * *

**Betaed by kyla713  
**

* * *

**One year later**

"Edward," Bella said loudly as I slowed enough to take our off ramp home. "You can't grab my ass every time some guy stares at me."

I grumbled curses under my breath, refusing to agree or look at her. On our last night in Brazil, where Bella had been filming on location, we attended a club a fellow actress recommended and whose family owned it. There, I spent most of my evening watching my wife and marking my territory. I may have gone about it all wrong, but at the time, I felt justified. I grabbed her ass while we were on the dance floor.

She hadn't complained, but that may have been because the _one_ drink she had completely obliterated her control and brought out all her naughty inhibitions. And the ass grabbing had made entertainment news world-fucking-wide. A picture that seemed larger than life of my hand spanned over her ass cheek had made tabloid covers and pull-out posters. The video was worse. There may have been a little spank, grab and grind accompanied by her giggle and moan. But every male eye had been on the pale-skinned, dark-eyed beauty – my wife. So again, I felt justified.

I had done what any man would've done – staked my fucking claim.

It hadn't helped that Bella had been drunk. Where I was an honest and horny drunk, Bella was all out naughty. And the cameras had picked up everything, even how her hands had almost managed to expose me on the dance floor. I'd been so crazed by my jealously and lust that I had almost let it go too far.

After the ass grab, having her hand in my pants, I had barely managed to get us out of the club. Our dramatic exit had also made the tabloids. There were pictures and videos of her hanging over my shoulder, giggling and spanking my ass. There had also been major cleavage exposure. Enough that blogs, tweets and news reporters were speculating that she had a boob job.

As if I'd let someone touch those sweet boobies but me. Dev would've shot down anyone that tried, dressed in black ops gear, a sniper rifle and with a sneer on his face.

When we touched down in the U.S earlier the morning after, a hung-over, freshly fucked Bella had gotten a glimpse of just how fun our last night in Brazil had been. Her and millions of other people. The recent possible Oscar nomination rumors about her latest film had made her the paps latest money maker.

But her drunk and grinding on my crotch made her tabloid gold. I felt a little guilty, but not enough to _not _make the picture of my hand on her ass my cell phone background. She had an amazing ass.

"I'm sorry, baby," I replied, giving her my best smile after a few moments.

She cocked an eyebrow and I knew she'd seen right through my apology. "You're only sorry you got caught on camera." I shrugged, because what could I say. It was the truth.

Hoping to change the subject, I asked, "Does it feel good to be home?"

She sighed softly and nodded. "Yes, and now that we're married, it's _our_ home." I smiled because it felt really good to hear that. We had married a few days before we left for Brazil, a simple ceremony where our closest friends and family had attended.

Bella had to film in Brazil for forty-five days and we both decided that I'd join her and that we'd spend another month there for our honeymoon. While she worked, my trusty laptop had become my best friend. She filmed on set and I spent the time working on the website designs I had gotten thanks to the success of Bella's website and my blog.

And once she finished filming for the day and she returned to the house we rented, we'd spend most of the day sightseeing or in bed.

"Have you blogged about your little stunt?" she asked sweetly. I sighed, so much for changing the subject.

"Yeah, it started to get thousands of hits within minutes of the video going viral." Since I started to accompany Bella on set of her films for the past year, she recommended that I write about my experiences. The pressure of being with a movie star, the loss of privacy, and the locations she filmed at made my blog a fucking success. The blog alone brought in enough income to support us both for years.

I no longer felt like a fucking free loader. Not that I ever told Bella that, but I was positive that she realized that was how I felt early on.

"And how many of them were checking to see if you left me?" she asked, but I could tell she was teasing me.

I laughed, shaking my head. "A lot, apparently my hands and fingers are sexy." She giggled and agreed whole-heartily. I took her hand in my own, and while I watched the road, I pressed my lips on her palm. Her response was a hitch of her breath and her lovely mouth popping open.

Dev cocked in eyebrow at Angel who rolled his eyes and wondered when I'd strayed to the dark side permanently.

"We need to pick up the last of my things at my parents."

Bella smiled wistfully and shook her head, as if to clear the hunger in her eyes. Internally, I smirked and wished I could pull over and take her on the hood of my car. But it was in the middle of the day and I knew she wouldn't have appreciated it once it made the news.

"Are your parents home already?"

"Nope, they're still on their cruise."

She smiled and pointed to a drive-thru. "I'm hungry."

After we picked up some burgers, we made it to my parents' house. I had moved into Bella's house only a few weeks after I had asked her to marry me. My plan had been to wait until we married or at least until I could help out with expenses. However, after having to spend one night apart, I knew I couldn't do it again. Ever.

And that was why the studios and Bella's agent were aware that we were a package deal. She acted and I blogged about it. Never details about secretive screenplays, but mostly about us. Thankfully, they didn't mind since it brought attention to the upcoming films.

It wasn't easy to be with Bella. And I knew that when we started our relationship. The blog had been my way to vent or celebrate. Some days, I was a sweetheart, others I was an asshole. Either way, it allowed me to calm down so that Bella and I could talk.

I loved her. All of her.

I knew how much she _needed_ to act. There had been a short break between filming, where she chose to work on a complicated equation. She hadn't slept much that entire month. The moment she stepped onto a set, she finally relaxed. Acting, to her, was an escape from the numbers that preoccupied her mind constantly.

From the time I asked her marry me, until the day we married, she'd occasionally ask me, "Are you sure you want to be with me?"

And every time, despite the media, the restless nights and her obsession with work, I replied exactly the same. "Yes, I love you, Bella." Life wasn't easy. But there was no one else I'd rather be with.

Once we reached my parents' home I decided to approach another subject. We'd both been very busy for the past year and once Bella's promotional tour started, we'd be even busier. However, I wanted a pet, a dog or two. Bella had been reluctant since we hadn't been home enough during our engagement.

But Bella was in between films, and in fact, had six months of time off. Though I knew taking a break from acting might prove hard for her, she said she'd keep busy with her consulting. With the sort-of vacation, it might be a good time to introduce a four-legged friend to the family.

Opening her passenger door, I helped her out of our truck and kept her in my arms for a moment too long. She rolled her eyes, the tips of her toes brushing against my shins. She was so tiny, and I fucking loved it. I brushed my lips over hers, earning the sweetest of sighs.

She pulled away abruptly, her narrowed eyes on me. "I will not be defiling your parents' house," she stated firmly. I pouted, which only made her purse her lips, refusing to budge on the subject. It was just as well, we had a long flight and she had to be tired and hung over.

I sighed dramatically, eliciting a giggle and tightening of her arms around my neck. She kissed my jaw three times before she whispered in my ear. "But if you're really good, we can turn on the hot tub once we get home."

I kissed her soundly on the mouth and spun us both around. After I set her to her feet, I tugged her toward the house quickly. She laughed, no doubt aware that I was in a hurry, thanks to her offer of Wet Bella.

Once inside, we moved toward the storage loft above the garage that held the rest of my things from my apartment. My parents had packed my belongings that I hadn't already moved into Bella's house after we left for Brazil. Thankfully, my extensive porn collection had been packed away before my mother managed to find it. That would've been mortifying.

"How many boxes are left?" Bella asked, eyeing several dust covered boxes in the corner. I motioned toward the dozen or so boxes in the center of the room, most clearly labeled with my name and the year. I walked toward them, but sensed Bella move toward the other boxes that caught her eye. "Those are full of my things from when I was a kid." She bit her lip and I could see the question in her eyes. She wanted to see what was inside. Always inquisitive. "Go ahead." She smiled widely and ran toward them.

I grabbed a box filled with books and headed downstairs. When I returned a few minutes later, I found Bella on the floor, sitting amongst many of my old toys and clothes. Tears were in her eyes when she looked at me. "You were so cute," she said softly, holding up a picture of me at about two years old. Then, I had light blond hair with bright green eyes, chubby cheeks and my thumb in my mouth. "Were cute?" I teased and held out my hand for the picture. She smiled and rolled her eyes, not taking the bait.

"My mom used to have this on the mantle. I hid it here. It was embarrassing when my friends always saw it."

"Imagine that embarrassing feeling, times a million," she said gravely. "My bare bottom as a baby had been seen by most people."

"You had and still have a cute ass," I said with a grin. "I don't really remember you crawling around on all fours in a commercial." She rolled her eyes and gave me a small smile. "That may be a good thing." She shrugged but hadn't laughed. She was still upset. "I know you're still mad about the other night," I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated. "You have to understand that I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. But damn it, baby, I can't stand the way those assholes look at you."

She nodded. "Most of them probably thought that because I've played a hooker that I'm willing to do them."

I growled and clenched my fists. "And I hadn't made the situation any better. I get it. You're pissed."

She sighed. "I'm angrier with myself. I knew it wasn't wise to drink."

"Look at me," I whispered, kneeling so that we were eye level. "We both played parts in what happened, but I knew better. I hadn't drunk but yet, I let everything get too far."

"Not your fault," she said. "I had my hands down your pants. You can't be held responsible for your actions." She scrunched her nose and looked at me. "My hands have some kind of power over you. You lose your mind every time and I knew it."

"Not only your hands," I said firmly. "All of you, but I still took advantage."

"Let's try not to let it get that out of hand again. Agree?"

"Yes, Bella."

She rolled her eyes and then held up a still-in-the-box Limited Edition Little Miss Dish doll. I blushed and tried to say it was Alice's, but she'd seen right through me. "At least I didn't play with it."

She laughed and nodded. "That's just wrong!"

I tackled her, spreading kisses over her entire face. Since she was in a good mood again, it was time to sweet talk my wife. Nibbling on her top lip, which she loved, I murmured, "Do you think we could stop at the SPCA on the way home?" She moaned softly when I licked her bottom lip, she loved that, too.

I knew I wasn't playing fair, but a man had to do what a man had to do.

Dev pointed to a sweet spot behind and just under her ear. I scraped my teeth over the area, soothing it with my tongue a moment later. She moaned again, pushing her hips against mine. It was approaching dangerous so-going-to-get-some levels that I knew I had to put a stop to it. She asked for one thing, not to defile my parents' house and I wouldn't go back on my word. She'd be mad me if I did. Well, at least a few minutes after post-coital bliss, of course.

I pulled away after another scorching kiss and lay my head on her chest, looking up at her. She smiled with that look again, because she knew exactly what I was up to. "We can go, but one dog only."

I smiled and pressed my lips to hers quickly. "Thank you! Let's finish up before it closes." Offering her my hand, I helped her to her feet. In thirty minutes, we had the rest of my boxes in the truck bed. I closed the passenger door behind Bella and when I pulled onto the highway, I saw the framed baby photo of me on her lap.

I knew exactly what she was thinking. "I'm ready whenever you're ready, Bella." I told her days after I asked her to marry me that I'd want to have kids while we were young. I wanted to be a young father, one that would be able to play in the yard or sports with them for their entire childhood. And be able to do the same with my own grandchildren. She agreed, but seemed nervous about it.

"I fear that we'd have a child like me," she whispered.

"What the heck is wrong with that?"

"It wasn't easy to raise me as a child."

I mulled that over for a bit and shook my head. "No matter the child or parents, raising a child is never easy. One thing that would be, is loving our baby."

She nodded but looked out the window. "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

I smiled and took her hand in mine. "That's all I ask, but you know me. I'll ask you about it every once and a while."

Bella turned to meet my gaze and smiled. "Like 'are we there yet?'"

I grinned and nodded as I pulled into the parking lot for the SPCA. Taking her hand in mine, we walked inside and met a sweet woman named Christy, who showed us out back. We were greeted with a few barks and even a couple of whimpers. For the most part though, some of the big dark eyes looking back at us were hopeful.

There was no way we'd be leaving the place with only one dog.

My eyes scanned the area and fell upon the sweetest pair of brown eyes, besides Bella's, of course. Golden hair and matching lashes framed the dog's eyes and I couldn't help but to crouch down to his level. I heard Bella ask for his name and laughed when Dex licked the side of my face. I grinned and smiled up at my wife.

Dex was a golden retriever, a little over three years old, abandoned behind a foreclosed home, possibly for days. I hated what had happened to him and petted his head and back as Christy explained that it had taken a few weeks to get Dex to come out of his shell and that he was playful and loved to sit on people's feet.

Bella knelt beside me and giggled when Dex turned his nose into her palm before she could touch him. He lapped at her wrist and kept trying to lick her fingers. "He's beautiful," she said, but noticed the much shorter and thinner coat of hair around his neck. She turned to look at Christy. "He was chained."

Christy nodded sadly and sighed. "By the time he was found, most of skin was raw beneath the collar."

I rose to my feet and smiled at her. "He's the one."

Bella laughed but agreed with me. "He's perfect and he'll love the expanded back yard."

Shortly after moving in, I had come to discover that Bella's house sat on a narrow one acre plot. She only had a quarter of it filled with her gardens and the house. After a few discussions, we added a retaining wall, a large fire pit, barbeque area and hot tub. We also extended the fence to enclose the entire property. It was fucking awesome.

"He would love the back yard," I said with a smile. "Too bad he won't have anyone to run out with."

Bella rolled her eyes, way too smart to fall for my tricks. "One dog, Edward."

Christy laughed and started our adoption paperwork and said we were welcomed to look around. That made Bella groan out loud, "Oh, he's going to try to convince me to get another one." Christy laughed, even grinned as if she knew I'd totally win my wife over.

Christy allowed us to open Dex's cage, he crawled out slowly and cocked his head to one side as he looked up at Bella. He lifted one paw up at her, waiting for her to take it.

"Well, aren't you the perfect gentleman," Bella cooed and shook Dex's paw. The moment she bent down enough, he licked her face, earning a giggle and a hug. Oh, Dex was totally working my wife. A companion for him was in the bag.

"Hey, buddy," I said, leading him toward another set of cages. "Stop hitting on my woman."

Bella slapped my shoulder and laughed. "We're only getting one dog, Edward," she said firmly, wrapping her arm around my waist. I grinned and nodded as if I agreed with her.

Dex sniffed at a few cages, but mostly stayed away. Dave, another volunteer walked over and gave us some information of some of the other dogs and cats. Bella's face softened as she heard each story, and within a few minutes, donated a sizeable amount and asked how she could become a volunteer.

Fuck, I loved my wife.

While she discussed her donation with Christy and Dave, I walked the perimeter of the room with Dex by my side, seeing if he had a reaction to any of the dogs. Since the SPCA had neutered Dex, a friend for him wouldn't be a problem.

Dex made his way to a dog in a small open -top enclosure that immediately started to wag her tail when we walked up. Dixie was a four year old mix, according to the information sheet and had been spayed. I put my hand near her nose and waited for her to sniff me. She sneezed. I was pretty sure Bella giggled somewhere behind me.

Dex sat down and looked at me curiously, then back at Dixie, turned to look at Bella before returning his attention to me. I rolled my eyes and knew it was my turn to work my charms on my wife. I petted Dixie's head, admiring the colors of her coat. She was mostly brown but had hints of red and black and even cream in her fur. She was a lab mix of some sort and had the prettiest blue eyes. She was perfect.

I looked at Dex, knelt down and gave them both a pep talk since we needed to work together.

"Edward," Bella said warily behind me a few minutes later. She had to know what I was going to do.

I put on my best smile and turned to face her. "Hey, baby," I said, wrapping my free hand around her. "Are we ready?" I handed her Dex's leash, and her eyes narrowed a bit then she looked confused.

"Um, yes," she replied. We started to walk toward the exit, but Dex stayed put. Bella whistled, which Christy said he responded to earlier, but Dex remained where he was, sitting beside Dixie's cage, looking longingly at her. Bella cocked an eyebrow in question in my direction.

I shrugged and shook my head. "Don't look at me." She narrowed her eyes again but looked at Dex again.

"Come on, Dex," she said, kneeling down beside him. When he still wouldn't comply, she looked at up me. "I'm tired and I want to go home. I don't want to tug on his collar."

She looked at me with her big brown eyes and pleaded silently. Fucking cheater. I sighed and knelt down beside them. "I'm sorry."

Bella nodded and looked back at Dixie. "She is really pretty."

"She is." Dex lapped at Bella's cheek and then Dixie lifted the paw that rested on the cage. Dixie wagged her tail and barked twice. My beautiful wife's eyes closed, no doubt trying not to succumb to our demands.

"Edward," she hissed, almost a whine. "We agreed to get _one_ dog!"

"Yeah, I agreed with you." I sat closer to her but in between the caged Dixie and Dex. "But could you really separate these two?" I pouted. I swore Dex did the same thing. Bella moaned softly, spying us beneath a barely opened eye. Then Dex and Dixie pulled out all the big guns, putting my pathetic attempts to shame. They started to howl mournfully.

Bella whimpered. She shot up to her feet and turned to an ecstatic looking Christy. Yes! I internally fist pumped and was surprised when Dex lifted his paw. Hell yeah! Hi five.

Bella never stood a chance.

~oOo~

"2 collars - $47.20

1 blue leash, 1 red leash - $63.96

2 dog beds - $149.64

1 manly skull and bones dog bowl - $24.95

1 fancy silver dog bowl - $54.95

2 bags of dog food – $36.00

Two lifetime companions, fucking priceless."

Bella laughed as I mocked the credit card commercials, Dex and Dixie sat in the back seat of our truck. At every stoplight, Dex would lick the side of Bella's face as she drove. Dixie seemed content just to look outside the back window.

"You so totally owe me," Bella mumbled, still pretending to be mad at me. But she wasn't. "Now can we go home?" I grinned and agreed, laughing a bit since I won.

Edward – 1; Bella – 396 and thankfully, I had a lifetime to catch up.

Bella's cell phone chimed, something she had been waiting for all day. "Do you want me to check?" I asked. She nodded, biting her lip nervously.

About eight months earlier, Bella had nearly single-handedly apprehended her former MIT rival Richard Winslow at an attempted armed robbery at the bank she used. That incident could've ended in disaster.

We both had a break for once at the same time and she needed to make a stop at her bank. She said she'd be in and out, and for me to wait for her. I hadn't waited, walking in behind her about ten seconds later. At first, I hadn't understood why she'd been upset for coming in after her, but after a few minutes waiting in line, I found out why.

She knew he'd hit the bank that day. And she was on her own, hoping to prevent Richard from being alerted to police presence. They had gotten close many times before, but only to be a few minutes too late or too early. Bella felt that there was a leak among those she worked the case with.

Her theory that he'd hit that bank on that specific day had proven correct. The anniversary of the day she met the notorious Richard. She was two years _younger_ than him and he could never forgive the fact that she still had a higher IQ.

The entire incident in the bank had only last three minutes. The moment Richard found her among the scared bankers and customers, he smiled gleefully. Bella, however, remained rather despondent, and had later told me it was because I was with her. She hadn't calculated that I would actually be with her that day since I declared a day off only hours earlier.

She actually pretended she had no clue who I was when Richard asked if she had come with anyone at fucking gun point. With one side-long glance, that tell-tale "please", was so clear in her eyes, she told him no. I lunged for her as he asked her to come to him, but found myself being held back by a man in line, who indicated I'd make it worse.

It had been the longest three minutes ever. Bella stood with her back to Richard's chest, looking back at all the scared faces. Richard had told us that he hadn't come for another attempt for money, but for Bella as he walked backward toward the exit.

I have no idea what caused me to do what I'd done, but I grabbed some woman's huge purse and smacked the side of his head, causing his gun to fall. Bella quickly turned to Richard, disarmed him with a few blows to his wrist and chest. In seconds, she had him on the floor and the security guards closing in on them.

Later that day, she claimed I was the distraction that she needed to disarm him, which had always been her intention. She knew that he wouldn't kill her and that the weapon had been to only keep the other's away so that he could escape with her.

I'd never been more scared in my life. After statements and endless hours of questioning, we managed to go home.

The moment the door allowed us some privacy, I had gone off on her. Screaming and yelling about how she put herself in danger. She quietly answered all my ravings with dignity, which only enraged me further. I had been so upset that I left her standing in our living room while I drove off.

I had driven around for hours and ended up in front of Charlie's house. Within minutes, he opened the passenger door of our truck, sitting quietly and looking much older than he was. After a few moments, he patted my back and asked me to come inside.

Once inside his office he handed me a class of amber liquid and I swallowed it with only one drink. "Renee had the same exact reaction as you did when I purposely traded myself for a hostage during an armed robbery at an all night quick shop."

My eyes met his over the rim of my empty glass. "What happened?"

"She left me, took Bella with her and drove to her mother's." Charlie shook his head and gave me a grim smile. "I let my pride get the better of me and hadn't gone after them."

"I just needed to think," I whispered. "She could've been killed."

Charlie nodded. "And what was her reaction to the gun being pointed at you?"

I looked at him confused. "The gun hadn't been pointed at me."

"I watched the video and heard his confession afterward. He knew exactly who you were."

"I wasn't even aware of that. My eyes were on her the whole time."

"I know my daughter, Edward," Charlie said as he rose to his feet. He grabbed my arm and lifted me to mine. "Think, after putting on the show she just did, _acting _like it was no big deal to all those questioning her, how do you think she'd be feeling right now?"

It took only a moment to for me to realize, she'd be as scared as I was. "Fuck!" I ran out of the room and straight for the truck. I rushed home, my feet pounded the driveway before slamming the front door open. I found her where I had left her, in a heap on the floor.

She had fallen asleep with dried tears on her cheeks, her hair a mess and her eyes puffy from crying. After my leaving, she allowed herself to let go. I gathered her in my arms and felt like shit when her body quaked.

"I'm sorry," she wailed against my chest. "I just wanted it over. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He…he could've shot you!" She cried with heart-wrenching sobs for several minutes, quieting only after finally succumbing to exhaustion.

And as I laid her in bed that night, she whispered that she was done with the FBI. At the time I hadn't argued with her. But the following morning, I told her that I didn't mind her consulting, just not putting her life in danger.

All in all, it was a terrible experience. Richard Winslow was going to prison for twenty-seven years, though it was quite obvious that he'd be released early and likely become a consultant himself. Security firms had already been wondering how he got past all their defenses since they were never able to conclude how he got his inside information.

As Bella's phone chimed again, she nodded, letting me know I could check. Richard was being transferred, something that made all of us nervous. Bella herself had come up with an elaborate plan to avoid him escaping custody.

I pulled her phone from her pocket and looked at the first text from her father.

_We made through stage four, and you were right. Someone was waiting, but we're okay._

The second message was from Emmett.

_Welcome home Bells! Dinner tomorrow?_

That was strange. I swore I just got a text from him while we were at the pet store. Why would he welcome us home again? "Your dad said they made to stage four."

"Any problems?"

"Someone was waiting but he says everyone is okay."

Bella nodded and smiled. "It's over. Richard has been successfully transferred where he'll spend the next five to seven years."

"That's it?"

Bella shrugged. "He won't escape. But he'll be on his best behavior."

"Well," I said thoughtfully. "At least we don't need to worry about him for a while." I smiled and kissed her cheek. Dex growled and licked Bella's cheek after I moved away. I laughed; my dog was jealous already. Hopefully, it wouldn't cause any problems. "Emmett asked about having dinner tomorrow."

"Sounds like fun," Bella replied. "I missed the baby." It would be good to see Bella's namesake and the rest of the family.

When we got home, we parked the truck in the garage, but led the dogs to the back yard, since we still needed to get my boxes and all our purchases from the truck. Dex and Dixie bounded around the yard, sniffing every nook and cranny, and of course, every tree.

Bella smiled as she took my hand. "Come on," she said. "Let them get to know their new home while we get everything inside." Armed with a box each, we made our way inside through the side door only to drop them the second we stepped inside.

"What the fuck?"

Our living room had been completely rearranged, even fucking painted. It looked like the exact replica of Little Miss Dish's living room on the show. Bella gasped and growled beneath her breath, "Emmett!"

I nodded and walked toward the kitchen to find that it had been redone in an Under the Sea motif with seahorses and fish all over the place. Very tacky. Bella was livid at that point. We ran upstairs to find, thankfully, the guest bedroom in pristine condition. We both looked at our bedroom door with dread.

"You open it," she whispered.

"What if he put something dangerous in there?"

"You said you wanted to protect me, remember?"

I nodded and swallowed. _Please, baby Jesus, do not let there be stinky fish or something equally gross on our bed. _I turned the knob, closing my eyes as I stepped inside. Behind me, I heard Bella gasp and her breath hitch. That couldn't be good. At least it didn't smell. As I opened one eye to take a peek, I gasped, my mouth falling open.

"What the fuck?"

"It's like a dungeon of sin," Bella said and started laughing her ass off. And her description wasn't far off. The walls had been painted a blood-red and our quaint sleigh bed had been replaced by a four post monstrosity draped with black satin sheets. Beside the bed was a strange wooden X that I had no clue what it was, until Bella walked over and found cuffs at each point.

_Holy fuck, is that a St. Andrew's Cross? _Dev popped on my shoulder, his chest bare and a wicked glint in his beady green gaze. He rubbed his hands together and laughed evilly. Unsurprisingly, DeviBella made an appearance from a puff of purple smoke and handed him a riding crop.

I looked around, and though our nightstands and drawers were still intact, they were all draped with the same fabric as the bed. _Why was this shit making me hot? _It hadn't helped that Bella touched each surface with curiosity, which only served to make me hard. She opened a drawer and pulled some sort of whip.

Bella turned to give me a sexy smile. "I'm not sure when he found the time to do something so fucking…" she growled, not bothering to finish her sentence. "But I think I know how to turn this around on our dear Emmett."

I swallowed as I watched her walk to the closet to pull out one of her corsets from her "hooker" days on stage. "What is that, baby?"

"We could show him how much we appreciate what he's done with the place." She giggled, stripping in record time. My mouth watered from seeing all that exposed skin, fucking beautiful. Once dressed in the sexy top and itty bitty panties, she walked over to the cross and managed to strap one hand in.

"What are you waiting for?"

I cleared my throat and adjusted myself. "What exactly do you plan to do?"

She smiled. "You'll take a picture of me, at an angle that will keep me decent…"

"You're utterly indecent right now, Bella, no matter the angle." I strapped her other hand in and knelt to do her feet. "Okay, am I supposed to take a picture of you and send it to Em, and say what?"

She gave me a coy smile. "Thank you."

I shook my head and thoroughly kissed her. I grabbed my cell phone and the whip she'd taken out earlier. "Ready?" She nodded, biting her lovely lip. Damn.

Dev whispered with DeviBella by his side, "Who says you have to release her after you send the picture?" I cackled internally.

Oh, I was going to have some fun. I snapped a few pictures, but they didn't look convincing enough. I found a tie and wrapped them around her eyes, earning a sweet smile. "You're evil," she whispered. I kissed her again, deepening the color of her lips. My fingers working her hair and her body to frenzy and I couldn't wait to continue, but first things first. She hissed as I stepped back, "Fucking evil."

I laughed and snapped a few more pictures until I found the perfect one. I removed Bella's blindfold and showed her. She looked amazing, her lips parted slightly and a little wet. Her hair had fallen forward as if waiting for whatever came next, her shoulder was bare and the end of the whip in my hand was all within the picture.

She nodded and said it was perfect. I typed a quick message and sent it to Emmett. I tossed the phone and stood back to admire my wife. Her eyes narrowed and she hissed, "Edward." I smirked. The next time she said my name, it was more of a plea.

What a night. And I really owed Emmett for it because it would be unforgettable. Thankfully, I had many more days and nights to look forward to with my wife. I loved her and she loved me and no matter what the future may hold for us, we'd do it together.

**Jasper**

I sat beside Emmett as we watched a basketball game at a local sports bar. Alice and Rosalie had kicked us out of the house so they could talk about weddings. You'd think after Charlie's, Edward and Bella's that they'd want something simple for mine and Alice's.

That wasn't the case. Even though Alice and I were expecting a baby in six months, it did little to move along her nuptials. Oh well, Alice was my life, and soon, she'd be my wife. I could put up with being trussed up in a stupid suit for a few hours at least.

Emmett cursed as our team allowed fell further behind. I checked the time and smiled, Bella and Edward must've made it home after heading to the pet store. I was extremely happy for the couple. Though they were young, they loved each other very much.

Emmett cursed again when his phone chimed. "I swear if that's another request for pickles and ice cream, you're going."

I patted his back and shook my head. "Of course."

He concentrated on his phone and his eyes widened to the point I was afraid they'd pop right out. He dropped the phone as if it was on fire and screamed, "My eyes! Oh my God, my eyes!"

I laughed, picking up the phone. I smiled at the picture and shook my head, reading the message accompanying it. _Thanks for the renovations to our bedroom. We'll put it to good use, Edward._

I sat back as Emmett launched himself out of his chair toward the bathroom, claiming he needed to bleach his brain. That was totally worth the countless hours painting and working.

After all, Emmett was partially to blame for having to gut fish and for Edward having to steal a purse. And revenge was best served cold.

**The End**

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**AN: There will be a few outtakes I'll be posting. I almost hadn't written this, because I had a few loose ends to tie up, including the FBI case Bella consulted on. Hope that didn't make you all go huh? LOL thanks to Lisa89 and kyla713 for your help with this story. And to Alyssa the friend that I started to write this for, I'm so glad you made it through your treatments and are still with us, love ya! Last but not least to all my readers and those that rec'd this story, thank you for sticking with these two until the end. **


	26. Meeting Nana Outtake

**Edward Cullen: Purse Snatcher**

**Outtake – Meeting Nana **

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**Betaed by kyla713**

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**AN: This was supposed to be in the chapter called On a Starry Night, but I felt it wasn't needed and it didn't work out because of a timeline issue. I thought you'd like to see it anyway. **

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We had to have dinner early since Bella needed to be at the theatre by six. Though she was nervous, no one would've been able to tell when we walked into my parents' house later that afternoon. Except for the tightening of her fingers around mine, she appeared as charming, calm and sweet, as usual.

With a bright smile, she greeted my ruddy faced father, my usually shy mother, and an unexpected guest, too. Thankfully, they'd all given Bella in a hug, including Nana. It might prove to be the most embarrassing and strangest meal I'd ever had.

My grandmother spoke her mind and often left my mother speechless. She was tiny thing, probably only five-two and less than hundred-and-five pounds, if that. Her curly grey hair was tamed by a fancy silver clip and pearls hung in both ears.

Mom went to check on dinner and Dad had to retreat to his office to take a call. Alone with my grandma, she turned to Bella immediately.

"You're a little skinny," Nana said to Bella, assessing her as if she were a prized race horse. Nana had a thing for the tracks.

Bella smiled. "I think so, too," she replied easily. "But for now, I can't keep the fat on."

"You eat?" Nana asked as she tugged on Bella's elbow to lead us toward the family room.

"Like a horse," Bella said cheerfully. I almost lost it then, clapping my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. _How does she know what I'm thinking?_ "Do you think Edward's too thin?" With that question asked, Nana turned to see if I met her standards.

"You fattening him, aren't you?" she said with a smile to Bella, who shrugged and grinned. "Good. No more of those God awful, fast food places."

"I would never allow that," Bella said behind her hand. She gave me a little wink before she returned her attention to my grandmother.

"Don't think he won't go looking," she said, poking my chest as if I already committed a crime or something. "The thing to do is keep him full so he won't go touching." Bella maintained a calm composure when it hit me on what my grandmother was actually referring to.

"Nana!" I said loudly. "I would never cheat on Bella, and as for the looking, why would I when I have her?"

Nana turned a lethal glare toward me. "What are you on about?" Then she smacked my ear. "You even think of side-stepping on this girl, she'd have you hanged by the fellas in no time."

I gaped. "Wasn't all that talk about looking, cooking and touching referring to my possible cheating ways?"

Nana shook her head and smacked the back of my head again. Thank God, she was only visiting. "We were talking the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If that is where you're mind wandered," she turned to Bella. "You best be ending this now."

I spluttered. "No! I didn't know!" I threw my hands up in frustration. "Women! You all speak in codes."

Bella started to laugh and even hunched over from it. "He doesn't know you own the theatre does he, Mae?"

_Did she just call my Nana by her first name?_

"You'd think after all the stories of my days on grand stages would've clued him in."

"Edward," Bella said softly. "I met your grandmother months ago. Of course, I hadn't put two and two together until tonight. I had no idea until our arrival that she was your grandmother. When she hugged me earlier, she whispered that she wanted to have a little fun with you. I merely played along."

"You're mean," I said, smiling. Then Nana pinched my ear. "Ow!"

"This girl is going to keep you on your toes," Nana said in her no-nonsense tone. "And that will help you two have a long, healthy marriage."

"Mae, I'm only nineteen."

"So have a long engagement," Nana said. "Back in the fifties, I did, to a nice fella. Of course, it was only to ease everyone's thoughts when we were caught in his car."

"Nana!" I wanted to go douse my enflamed cheeks and erase the last several seconds of my life forever. "I do not want to know about your relationship besides the one with grandpa and certainly not about some backseat of a man's car."

When she boxed my ear again, Bella laughed. "Get your mind of out the gutter," Nana snapped. "He gave me a ride to school—alone. That was it."

She walked back into the kitchen, grumbling the whole way. Bella took my face in her hands. "God, I love your family." My arms wrapped around her waist, kissing her.

"You're still mean."

And that was only a prelude of what the night had in store for me. Dinner was entertaining, and there were a handful of times that my mother cringed. Nana regaled about her days in theatre, swapping stories with my Bella.

Apparently, wardrobe malfunctions had not only occurred on television but also on stage. Both Bella and Nana said that they'd had everything from snapping straps, to falling skirts and snagged hosiery. All in all, I was mortified and giddy that Bella fit in with my family, especially Nana. That was important, because she hardly warmed up to anybody easily. And she was an excellent judge of character.

By the time my mother and Bella walked into the kitchen to plate our dessert, I was determined to make something clear to my grandmother and my father.

It was no surprise to them when I blurted out, "I'm going to ask her to marry me."

My father only raised an eyebrow and nodded approvingly. Grandmother, however, chose to box my ear again. "I hope you'll show more restraint and class when you ask her, boy."

I blushed and apologized. Before Bella and my mother joined us again, Nana pulled me toward my father's study. She pushed me into a wing back chair and looked me in the eyes. Her gaze was hard, even a little scary before she seemed to like what she could see.

"I knew this day would come," she said, nodding. "As did your mother and it's the main reason I came down for a visit."

"Okay," I said simply, only because I had no clue what she was talking about.

"I brought something and I hope that you'll use it and give it to that pretty girl of yours," she said softly. Nana slung her giant purse, the same purse that she refused to put down no matter what she did. She started to look through it, muttering and cursing the whole time, until she found what she searched for.

She pulled out a small box and exclaimed, "Eureka!" I laughed and watched as she handed me the tiny blue box. My breath hitched, because I knew what it was. Our eyes met and I could see tears started to form in her eyes. "I want you to give this to you, to give to her and hopefully one day your own daughter or son."

"Why didn't you give it to Mom?" I asked, opening the small box that held an heirloom.

She smiled and curled her hand along my jaw. "My boy," she whispered softly, "That bitch, your other grandmother, beat me to it. She gave your dad her wedding ring before I could offer mine to him."

That wasn't exactly what I expected to hear, but it made perfect sense. My grandmothers barely tolerated each other. According to my parents, the two families had feuded for years before they had to come together to support my mom and dad. From what my mother told me, whenever my grandmothers were in the same room, they greeted each other with insults and air kisses.

"I'm sure she'll love it," I said, trying not to laugh. Though I had a simple ring for her already, I knew I would have to give her this one, too, the day I married her.

Nana turned even more serious. "Life won't be easy, my boy," she murmured. "That girl has more talent in her pinky than all those skinny things on the red carpet. You'll have to get used to it. I really think that acting keeps her sane."

I nodded. Bella and I had discussed her need to do something creative to keep her mind off work and numbers. So I understood what my grandmother was trying to say.

"If you want to be with her," she said firmly. "You need to accept all of her. And that includes the roles she will play."

I nodded and listened as she gave me advice on how to handle what was to come. From the spotlight to the lime light, and she said there would be lime lights, because the paps were vicious when it came to good girls like Bella.

"Most of all, Edward," she said in a tone that said I better listen. "Just love her."

And I would – forever.

That night, with the ring heavy in my jacket pocket, I felt lighter and freer to love a girl that loved me. I drove her to her play, watched her come alive onstage, and in my arms as I made love to her. She was mine and I was hers.

And all the while, I wondered if Jasper and Emmett would be able to tell the next time I saw them, that I finally popped my cherry.

**Emmett**

My senses tingled, my body rigid as I lay beside Rosalie. I picked up my cell phone, quickly making my way down the hall. As I waited for the asshole to answer, I took a leak. "Dude," I said when Jasper answered.

"You felt it, too."

"Hell yeah," I said with a sniffle. "Our boy is finally a man."

Jasper snorted. "It's fucked up that we can tell when he's doing—" the fucker paused for dramatic effect, "Bella."

I groaned, and cried, "Shut up!"

"Get over it," he said. "They'll be all over each other when we meet later for our trip."

That instantly reminded me of my plans. "You sure you don't want in?"

For a minute, I thought he hung up. "This will be all you, Em."

"Pussy."

"No matter what you throw at them, they'll find a way to turn it around."

"I don't care," I said as I washed my hands. "I'm still going to get them back."

"Your funeral."

Another shiver ran through me; fucking Edward. "Dude!"

"Damn," Jasper hissed. "To be young again, fucking Edward. I need to wake up Alice."

I hung up on the asshole, since I couldn't touch my wife for another month. When I heard the tiny cry of my baby girl, I made my way to her room. I picked up baby Izzy and nuzzled her soft cheek.

Careful not to wake Rosalie, I went downstairs to warm one of the bottles of breast milk. Several minutes later, and well into Izzy's feeding, another shiver went through me. Fucking Edward seemed to have the recovery of a damn teenager.

"You," I said to my baby girl, "—are not dating until you're thirty. And you're staying away from geeky boys, because it's always the quiet ones."

She gurgled up at me, smiling a bit. Then she tooted, laughing all the while. I think she just proved my point. Naughty little brat, but when I bent to kiss her soft cheek, she nuzzled me and I knew I'd love every minute of every day for the rest of her life.


End file.
